Dear Heart, I Hate You

Confused, I squinted at him. “What are you talking about now?”

Lucas rolled his chair a little closer. “Seriously, think about it. You two talk every single night like you’re a couple, but you don’t have to rush home to her because she’s not there waiting for you—”

“Does this story have a point?” I interrupted.

“Just listen,” he said with a scowl. “You’re way too busy right now for a chick who lives here. Could you imagine all the whining and the Why don’t you spend time with me? You’re too busy for me. I need you. I miss you. Come over. Where are you?”

Lucas’s dead-on impression of a needy woman’s voice cracked me up, and I had to stop myself from laughing.

“But with Jules,” he said seriously, “you can’t do any of those things, even if you want to. Instead, you can focus all your time and energy on work and volunteering, and it won’t change your relationship with her at all.”

I wanted to argue the point with him, but it did sort of make sense.

Warming up to where he was going with this, I asked, “What are you saying exactly?”

“I’m saying,” he said, giving me an amused look, “that a girl who lives out of state is the perfect solution for a guy like you. It’s the best of both worlds, a relationship without all the pressure.”

“Shit, Luc. That might be the smartest thing you’ve said all day.” I gripped his shoulder and squeezed.

“I take offense to that,” he said, obviously joking. “I say a lot of smart things. You just don’t hear them.”

“So I’m not being stupid by going to see her?” I asked again for the third or maybe the fourth time, because apparently I had lost my balls somewhere on my walk over to Lucas’s cubicle.

He rubbed his temples like my questions gave him a headache. “No. You’re not. You want to see her, right? You miss her?”

I looked around the empty office to make sure no one was within hearing distance, but lowered my voice anyway. “I miss her like crazy. And yes, I’m dying to see her.”

“Then it’s not stupid, okay? So stop asking. It’s okay to want to be with someone, Cal. It doesn’t make you any less motivated or ambitious here.” He waved his arm to indicate the almost empty office space.

“I know that,” I snapped at him.

“Do you? Because I don’t think you do.”

At that, I had to take a moment to let his words sink in. Lucas might be right—I might be so married to my work that I was afraid to let someone else into my life. Being taken seriously at work and having a personal life didn’t have to be mutually exclusive. Plenty of successful people were married or had a significant other.

Lucas gave me an exasperated look. “Cal, if it’s permission you want to follow your heart for once, I’m giving it to you. Do it. Book a flight. You’ve got some vacation time. Go see your girl.”

“Why do I even ask you for advice?” I huffed as I pushed off of his desk.

“Because I’m your best friend, and I give good advice. Everything I say is golden and should be tweeted. And then retweeted,” he added with a big grin.

Rolling my eyes, I walked away. “I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about anymore,” I said over my shoulder as I headed back to my desk to grab my things.

• • •

Later that night, I fired off a text to Jules. I never knew how late she would be working since she tended to tailor her own hours around her clients’ schedules and the availability of any houses she wanted to show.

Dream Lips: Are you home from work yet?

Jules: Not yet. I have about another hour or so. Text you when I’m done?

Dream Lips: Yes, please.

Jules texted me right after I got out of the shower to let me know she was home. I dialed her number before I plopped down on top of my bed.

“Hi,” she said, her voice breathy, and all it did was make me miss her more.

“Hey. How was your day?”