Dear Heart, I Hate You

“Probably. You got a problem with that?” I glanced at the bartender before signaling that I wanted another.

“No. Just figured I’d help you out. Be a team player and all.”

A team player.

Jules had been my teammate and I’d cut her loose. Removed her from the team without warning, took away her jersey and all but burned it.

“How considerate of you,” I said sarcastically, sniping at my best friend who didn’t deserve the attitude.

Lucas gave me a hard look. “You know, you’ve been a real dick since you fucked up with Jules. I just wanted to point that out in case you wanted to do something about that. Go apologize to her. Make things right.”

“How am I supposed to do that? It’s been too long, Luc. I might have been able to fix it after a few days, but not after this long.”

He scowled at me. “How do you know? You haven’t even tried.”

When the bartender refilled our glasses and sat the empty bottle between us, I reached for the horse stopper and pulled it off.

“You gotta be shitting me.”

“What? Which letter is it?”

“The L,” I said before practically throwing it at Lucas’s chest.

“That’s the one you need. Now you have them all, right? I mean, if the bar lets you keep it, which I’m sure they will,” he said with a smile, and I nodded. “Why aren’t you excited? You’ve been looking for that damn top forever.”

“I don’t fucking want it anymore, okay?”

The truth was, I didn’t want it b

ecause it reminded me of Jules. And that stupid L that had seemed so important at the time only served as a reminder of everything I’d lost. Who cared about a stupid bottle top when I didn’t have Jules anymore?

“Like I said, you’ve been a real dick, Donovan,” Lucas said as he sipped his bourbon.

“I need to get out of here.” I tossed more than enough cash on top of the bar before stumbling out the doors and opening a car app on my phone.

Lucas appeared behind me. “You calling a car?”

“Yeah. You coming or what?”

“I’m gonna stay for a bit longer. Text me when you get home so I know you’re not dead or in jail,” he said before walking back inside.

I forced out a quick laugh. Lucas and the damn bartender had been flirting all night. It hadn’t annoyed me before, but now it pissed me the hell off.

The car pulled up and I got inside, giving the driver my address as I fidgeted in the backseat.

I didn’t know what the hell to do anymore. I couldn’t live like this a second longer, not like this, not without her. Dialing Cooper’s number, I prayed he wasn’t at a game. I hadn’t even looked at his schedule before calling, and I needed his advice.

“Hey,” he answered, out of breath.

“Hey. You busy?”

“Not for my big bro. What’s up? How’s Jules?” Leave it to Cooper to ask how Jules was. Of course he’d ask.

“That’s actually why I’m calling,” I said, the bourbon sloshing around in my all but empty stomach.

“Okay,” he said, his voice wary.

“I fucked up, Coop. I fucked up real bad.”