But he was right. I would have left, and I wouldn’t have looked back. I would have chalked Frank Fisher up to being just another LA douchebag with no morals.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
He nodded. “I was. I knew I couldn’t keep lying to you, but the more time we spent together, the deeper I fell. For you, and into the lie. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”
“So, when were you going to? There was never going to be a good time. What was your plan? Eventually, I was going to wonder why you weren’t making a move on me,” I said, remembering how he’d avoided kissing me at the car that nig
ht after walking me out, and how confused and insecure it had made me feel.
Frank sighed. “I know, and I thought about that a lot too. But I didn’t have a plan. Like I said before, I didn’t plan on meeting someone like you. I’d been unhappy for so long that I’d just sort of accepted it. It’s hard to explain, but I felt like all my decisions about my future had already been made, and all that was left was for me to follow through. Obligation and guilt made me feel powerless in my own life, and I hated being in that position, but didn’t know how to change it.”
It was clear that I could keep pushing Frank about when exactly he was going to tell me about Shelby, but I’d probably never get a definitive answer. Not because he didn’t want to give me one, but because he simply didn’t know when he would have told me, or how. We were guessing right now after the fact, playing a game of what-if. We could run in circles around the question all night, or I could choose to move on.
“You said that you felt powerless about your life and your future. What changed?”
“You,” he said, his gaze boring into mine. “You made me want more. You woke me up. I didn’t even realize that I’d been sleepwalking through my life until you came and opened my eyes. You made me feel, Claudia. I haven’t felt anything for so long, and I didn’t even realize it,” he explained with passion in his voice.
I glanced at my list and squirmed in my seat before meeting his eyes again. “Did you break up with her because of me?”
Frank shook his head. “No. Not because of you. So much was already wrong and broken, and I knew that I didn’t want to fix it. I realized that I was wasting time living a life I didn’t want anymore. Even if you hadn’t come along, we would have eventually ended. But I’d been doing both myself and Shelby a huge disservice by staying as long as I did because of the promise I’d made to her dad.”
“Did she know about the promise?”
“She had no idea.”
“I figured.” I’d been wondering, and had assumed there was no way she could have known. If it had been me in that situation, I wouldn’t have wanted any man to stay because of a promise they’d made.
Frank tilted his head, studying me. “How so?”
“It’s just that most women want to be loved. We want to be your choice, not your obligation. We don’t want to be the person you settle for; we want to be the person you can’t live without. I would never want the man I loved to stay with me if he didn’t love me back, no matter how noble the reason.”
Frank said nothing for a moment. Since I wasn’t sure what was running through his head, I asked another question, one that wasn’t on my list.
“Have you talked to her since your breakup?” Since I’d learned they weren’t together anymore, I’d wondered if this woman wanted to stay in his life as friends. I wasn’t sure how that would make me feel.
He looked away and then dropped his head, his voice sad. “No. She said she doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Are you okay with that?”
Shelby had been a part of his life for a really long time. I wasn’t sure anyone could come out of a long-term relationship like that unscathed, regardless of who ended things. What if her cutting him off completely made Frank realize that he wanted her back?
“I’m fine with it. It makes things easier, and I think it’s better for both of us in the long run. But I hate that I hurt her,” he said slowly, “that I let it go on for so long.”
“You don’t miss her?”
His eyes met mine as his jaw flexed. “I don’t. Is that awful?”
I shrugged. “I just think it means you did the right thing.”
“That’s what I think it means too.” He offered me a slight smile before it faded.
“Does she know about me?”
His shoulders squared. “No.”
It was my turn to stay quiet as my thoughts swirled.
“Does that upset you?” he asked. “Do you think I should have told her I met someone?”