Adios Pantalones (Fisher Brothers 3)

“So what?” Ryan said, not understanding what was truly at stake.

“So he’s pissed. And he’s unstable. And capable of anything,” I reluctantly admitted.

A crash like a fist slamming into something reverberated through the phone.

“Did he hurt you?” Ryan asked.

“No.”

“Are you lying?”

His question made my heart ache. “No. He didn’t hurt me.” But he wants to hurt you, I stopped myself from saying.

“How did he convince you to end things? What hold does he have over you? Please tell me something that makes sense, Sofia, because right now, nothing does.”

“He threatened to fight me for custody of Matson.”

I hadn’t planned on lying to him, but it slipped so effortlessly from my lips that I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. Ryan would never do anything that would hurt my son, and I knew it. It was a low blow, but I felt like I needed the help it gave me.

“He’ll take Matson from you if you don’t stop seeing me? Why? What does he gain from that?”

I fidgeted on the bed before standing and pacing back and forth. What else could I say? “He needs you out of the picture, or else his dad won’t give him the company.”

“Why? I know I keep asking you why, but I don’t understand.”

I pictured Ryan in my head, pulling at the strands of his hair, his eyes tired, his heart aching.

“I know this all sounds crazy, but his family is insane. And until things settle down and Derek goes away for good, we have to stop seeing each other. I don’t want to fuel his anger, and I’m afraid that something will happen to hurt Matson. I have to make sure my son’s okay. I have to give him all my attention right now, and if I’m worried about you or about us, then I won’t be worrying about Matson. You’re too distracting, Ryan.”

I thought he was going to say something, but when he didn’t, I continued. “You’re distracting in the best possible way, but it’s still a distraction I can’t afford to have right now. Matson has to be my first and only priority.”

“How can I argue with that?” Ryan’s voice was so sad, it nearly broke my heart.

I knew that he couldn’t argue, knew he wouldn’t fight me on this. “I need you to know that this has nothing to do with the way I feel about you and what I want.” I stopped pacing and held my breath as I waited for him to say something.

“I know that. I wouldn’t have believed you if you tried to tell me otherwise.” His tone softened. “I want to be with you, and I hate agreeing to this. I feel like I’m walking away and leaving you to fight alone when it’s the last thing I want.”

“This is a fight I have to handle by myself. Having you by my side will only make it worse. I know that doesn’t make any sense,” I said, and it didn’t. “But we’re not dealing with a rational person here.”

“It doesn’t feel right, and I need you to know that this goes against everything I believe in and everything I feel. It’s killing me to even think about agreeing to this.”

The pain in Ryan’s voice ripped through me, tearing my heart to pieces. But I convinced myself to stay strong, because anything less could end up with him getting hurt. Really hurt.

“It’s just until his dad gives him the company,” I reminded Ryan, hoping he would see that as the silver lining in this crappy situation.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here when this is all done. You just make sure you come back to me.”

My eyes instantly welled up with tears. What if Derek’s dad never gave him the company? Or what if it took years? Was I supposed to stay away from Ryan for that long? Who in their right mind could expect me to do that?

“I don’t know how long it will take.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do. We both do. We deserve each other. What you don’t deserve is this drama, and this asshole having any say in your life.”

“I feel like all I do is bring you pain.” Suddenly, I felt unworthy of Ryan’s adoration or respect. All I’d done since meeting him was judge him, avoid him, and bring a level of drama into his life worthy of a television series. It was embarrassing.