“It’s not really a great thing,” she said. “I mean, it does sort of suck that I’ll most likely get into all those schools because of who I am, not because I truly earned it. But I want to go. And I want to go to a good school, so I’m not above asking for help getting in.” Her face scrunched in an adorable way as she frowned at me. “Does that make me a crappy person?”
I let out a laugh. “No, it doesn’t. You’re aware that you’re asking for help. And you don’t act like you deserve all these things for nothing. Nothing about you is crappy, Paige. Except maybe your taste in ex-boyfriends.”
“Hey!” she squeaked out, her eyes wide and her jaw hanging open. “What about my taste in guys now?” She deliberately ran her gaze up and down my body, and I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and spank the sass right out of her.
“Still questionable,” I said teasingly.
She shrugged. “Can’t win ’em all.”
“I’m proud of you.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around her waist, then pulled her against me and dipped my head to kiss her soft lips.
“Thank you. That means a lot. So, where’d you apply?” she asked with a wink.
“You’re hilarious.”
“I mean it, Tatum. You shouldn’t let all that talent go to waste. You won’t let me give up on my dreams, so I can’t let you give up on yours.”
“My dreams aren’t as easy as yours,” I said, and instantly wished that I could take the words back as her relaxed stance turned defensive and she pulled out of my arms.
“Easy? Oh, that’s right, everything’s easy for me.”
“That’s not what I meant, Paige. It’s just—” I bit back my words, unsure how to fix this. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. Please, I just meant that I don’t even know where to start anymore.” I closed the space between us, not wanting my stupid mouth to ruin the night.
“You’re just scared,” she snapped, and my temper flared.
I stared at her, a battle of wills brewing between us. Instead of fighting her, I nodded. “You’re right. I am,” I admitted as my defenses crumpled.
“I know it’s scary. Change is scary. And going after your dreams is terrifying.” She walked into the kitchen and leaned her arms on the countertop.
“I’m comfortable in my failure.” I sat on top of the coffee table and positioned myself to face her, even though she was across the room.
“You’re not a failure.”
“I think deep down I know that. But I’ve tossed everything I want aside. I’ve let my whole life simmer on the back burner for so long. And I think the honest-to-God truth is that it’s just easier that way.”
“Of course it’s easier. It’s always easier to not try, to not rock the boat, to not put yourself out there,” she practically shouted. “Of course it’s easier to stay complacent and pretend you’re happy when you’re just content. There’s a fire that burns inside you, Tatum—I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it when you play the guitar and you talk about music. It would be a real shame to let that fire burn out instead of feeding it.”
Throwing my head back, I closed my eyes for a moment before refocusing on her. Her words were powerful, and part of me couldn’t believe she was talking about me. When was the last time anyone had said something so inspired—and meant it in reference to me?
I shook my head. “You know what you want to do. You want to go to school and find that normal life you’ve been searching for. But nothing else in your world has to change if you don’t want it to. Everything in my life has to change. Every single thing.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t feel ready.”
“When will you ever feel ready? Every day that passes is just more time you’re losing and can never get back.”
“I know.”
“Tatum,” she said in a soft, pleading voice, but my gaze stayed glued to the floor. “Tatum,” she said a little louder, and I looked up at her. “I don’t mean to push you. I just really think you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t at least try. I think you’ll eventually hate yourself for it.”
“Because you hated yourself?”
“I didn’t hate myself, per se, but I definitely regret not doing all of this sooner. Maybe I thought my desire for college would go away eventually. I don’t know, but it never did. It’s like a part of me that is this living, breathing thing. It wants to be recognized. It wants to be fed. That’s what I think music is for you. But I guess I could be wrong.”
I shook my head. “You’re not wrong.”
“You of all people should know how precious time is. That every day we’re given is a gift and not something to be taken lightly.”