Her expression turned curious as she waved a hand toward the kitchen table. I moved to sit as she placed a plate of the fresh, hot bread in the center, butter melting off the top. Removing her apron, she tossed it on the counter before joining me at the table.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
Sucking in a long breath to steady my nerves, I realized I had no idea where to begin. “It’s just…I miss her, Mama.” Suddenly at a loss for words, I dropped my gaze and focused on a knot in the wood table.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” she asked.
It wasn’t the response I expected. I thought she’d agree with me or say something similar, but that was it. When she didn’t, my gaze immediately darted up to meet hers. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Tatum, I’ve sat here and watched you give up everything you ever wanted in life. And I’ll admit that when you first stayed home after your daddy died, I was grateful. I’d lost so much and I couldn’t stand losing you too.” She glanced away for a second and wiped at her eyes. Pinning her gaze on me again, her face flushed as she said, “But that was me being selfish. I always figured you’d eventually leave, but you didn’t. And every year that passed, I allowed you to stay.”
“You didn’t make me stay,” I interrupted, but she waved me off.
“I didn’t help you leave, either. I didn’t encourage you to move on and follow your own dreams, did I? I simply allowed you to put your life on hold and stay here. What kind of mother does that?”
I reached across the table and took her warm hand in mine. “Don’t you dare do that. You didn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t willing to do. I’ve never once regretted coming back home, Mama. I want you to know that.”
“But I regret keeping you here for so long,” she said with a sigh.
“You don’t live my life for me. I made these choices,” I said, refusing to let her take all the blame for my still being here.
“I’m trying to tell you that I should have done things differently, Tatum, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Her eyes filled with tears, and I pushed out of my chair and pulled her to her feet.
Hugging her, I whispered against her hair, “Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what to do.”
She sniffed, wiped her tears away, then pushed at my chest and sat back down at the table. Her expression stern, she said, “You don’t give up. You don’t quit. You go get that girl.”
“But I screwed up. I told her to leave. I was mean to her.” I winced as I said the words.
She nodded. “That you did, and that you were. But you’re not above apologizing, are you, son?”
“No, ma’am,” I admitted, because it was the truth.
“Then you go there and you find her. And you apologize to her. Don’t stop apologizing or trying to fix things until she takes you back. You hear me?”
“I hear you,” I answered, my voice unsure.
“Unless that’s not what you want? Unless you don’t want her to forgive you?” she asked as I leaned back into the chair.
“Of course I want her to forgive me. I want to be with her,” I admitted. “But I’m not sure how. We’re so different; our lives are so different.”
A thousand questions filled my mind. Paige forgiving me and wanting to give us a try meant that I’d be living there, or she’d be here, and there was no way in hell I’d allow Paige to give up her career and move here. Not that she ever would.
“That’s something the two of you will figure out. But, Tatum, you’ll hate yourself if you don’t at least give this a try. I may not know much, but that much I know for sure.”
Her lips curled into a sad smile, and I knew she was right. Losing Paige without a fight was something I’d most likely never get over.
I hung my head and let out a sigh. “She probably hates me.”
Mama laid a hand on my shoulder. “She most certainly does not hate you. But I bet you hurt her heart, so she’ll be leery about trusting you with it again. That’s on you to be the man I know you are to fix it.”
“What if it’s not enough?” I asked, worried that nothing I did would make Paige forgive me. What if I couldn’t make her see how stupid I was to let her go? Or worse, what if she didn’t care anymore now that we were apart and she was living her life?
“Whatever you’re telling yourself right now in your head, Tatum, doesn’t matter. I know you have doubts. I know you’re scared, whether you admit it or not, but I have to tell you that I haven’t seen you that happy in years. Maybe ever.”
I nodded; as usual, she was absolutely right. I had never been as happy with anyone as I was with Paige.
“What will we do with the shop? Who will run it while I’m gone?” I started going down the checklist that had formed in my mind.