I gave her another smile, trying to hide the sadness that filled me at the realization that my time with Tatum now only existed in memories.
“Okay.” Unable to resist glancing down at my phone again, I noticed that he still hadn’t called or texted.
That was fine. I’d be fine.
I had to be.
• • •
Back in the solitude of my too-quiet apartment, I picked up my phone and dialed Jayson’s number.
“Paige, why were you at Warren Taylor’s?” he yelled instead of answering with a normal greeting. “What the hell is going on?”
“I’m about to tell you,” I said evenly, forcing myself to stay strong.
He groaned. “What is it?”
“You’re fired.”
“Excuse me?” he shrieked.
“I’m pretty sure you heard me,” I said firmly, my inner confidence growing and building upon itself. “My lawyer has sent you an e-mail asking to terminate our business relationship effective immediately.”
He breathed harshly into the phone line, and knowing what was coming, I pulled it from my ear.
“I made you what you are, Paige! Good luck getting any work in this town again! You think that Madison, my assistant,” he added snidely, “can do anything for you? What a fucking joke! You’re both a pair of idiots. Idiots who will be out of work by the time next pilot season rolls around,” he screamed before hanging up.
Instead of feeling nervous or worried with his threats, I instantly felt relieved. My shoulders lightened as the load I subconsciously carried lessened.
Dialing Corryn while I was still brimming with confidence, I listened as the phone beeped each time it rang, signaling that she was on the other line. When her voice mail clicked on, I left a message.
“Hi, Corryn, this is Paige. As of today, I will no longer be requiring your services. You should have an e-mail detailing our termination clause in your in-box from my lawyer. Thank you for your time and help over the years. I wish you the best.” And with that, I ended the call and danced in my living room, freedom filling me from the inside out.
After my five-second dance party, I pulled open my laptop to read over the draft of my open letter one last time before sending it to Madison for review. I attached it to a quick e-mail telling her that I was officially on the market for a new agent, and asking if she knew anyone who wanted to represent me.
I giggled, amazed at my ability to be and feel silly with all the chaos that constantly hounded me. In a way I felt like a new person, with my new short hairstyle that I chose for myself, and my professional chains cut free.
Dear Fans, [Madison, I hate calling them fans—it seems too snobby and rude. How else can I address them that makes them feel more appreciated?]
There has been a lot of speculation about where I’ve been the past few weeks. Since returning to town, I’ve been bombarded with accusations and unkind words, brutal reminders of the reality of this business that I otherwise normally love. I’ll admit that part of me wanted to say nothing and hope it would all go away on its own. But the rest of me really wanted to set the record straight.
You have no idea how hard it is to read such utter lies about yourself printed everywhere for everyone to read. Worse than the made-up stories is the fact that people believe them…a lot of people. And that’s why I’m here, writing this letter to you now. I needed to talk to you the way friends do, and I wanted to be the one to do it—not a publicist or an agent or manager, but me.
It’s not an exciting story, to be honest. The truth is that I needed to get away in the wake of everything that was going on around me. I’m human, just like you, and sometimes I want to escape from my problems and disappear for a while. And frankly, that’s exactly what I tried to do (in the form of leaving town, that is, not in the form of rehab, drug overdose, alcohol binges, or any other of the made-up excuses). I realize that being a twenty-one-year-old actress is nothing to complain about, and believe me when I tell you that I’m not complaining. But please understand that choosing this life means that I miss out on so many of the amazing things that you all get to do and experience every single day.
I know, I know—you’re probably rolling your eyes and calling me crazy right now because you’re supposed to be the ones envying my life, not the other way around. But to be honest, sometimes I crave normalcy with every fiber of my being. A normalcy that I never seem to get. A normalcy that I’ve decided to fight for because this is my life and I want to be the one in charge of it. :)
In
the midst of the destruction of my relationship with Colin, I did exactly what I said above. I escaped. My heart landed in a tiny town I’d never heard of before, but I’ll never forget. Part of me is still there, and I think it always will be. Because in this tiny town in the South, I got to be Paige Lockwood, normal twenty-one-year-old girl, instead of Paige Lockwood, Hollywood actress.
I spent my nights drinking sweet tea and watching the sun set with an adorable black Lab at my side. I now own the most beautiful pair of authentic cowgirl boots I’ve ever seen (thank you, Emily). I got to experience my very first bonfire field party with giant trucks, hay bales, and some really good-natured people. Have you ever swam in a swimming hole complete with the obligatory rope swing before? Well, I never had, not before a few weeks ago. Heck, I didn’t even know that kind of thing really existed outside of the movies. And I loved every minute that I was away because for the first time in a long time, I was just like everyone else. I felt normal.
Being away was exactly what I needed. And no, not because I hated myself after what Colin did, or because I couldn’t get over him (I am SO over him, for the record). I’m not pregnant. I most certainly did not try to kill myself, and why anyone would even make light of something so serious is beyond me. Suicide isn’t a joke. I don’t find it funny, and I don’t think that the press should be able to throw that type of accusation around whenever it suits them (but that’s a discussion for another time).
There are so many things that each of us take for granted in our lives. I don’t believe we do it on purpose; we just get used to the things we have, the things that surround us on a daily basis, that we stop seeing how unique they truly are. Sometimes the most beautiful things in our world stop being so pretty because we see them all the time. But that’s on us to change our perspective and start really seeing again.
My eyes have been reopened. I can see clearly now exactly what it is that I want and need in my life to feel a little more like you and to be more relatable.