Wolf Broken (Wolfish 2)

I hear the boy’s laughter turn into a more reserved hush as it dawns on them that I’ve disappeared. None of them even say that they’re going to look for me, or act like they’re worried that something could have happened to me. Instead, Vivian says something about making hot cocoa and I hear their footsteps walk away to follow her toward the kitchen. I sit inside the alcove in the tree and pout as if I am a three-year-old again.

But not for long.

“Hey,” Kaleb says softly as his body climbs into the nook alongside mine.

I start.

“How did you know I was in here?”

I’m well aware that my voice is full of indignant bitterness, and I’m too mad and embarrassed to do anything about it.

“We all knew you were in here,” he smiles. He taps against the bridge of his nose. “Part wolf, remember?”

Right. So now I’m reminded that I smell, too.

“I couldn’t stay away from your scent if I tried.” Kaleb wraps both of his arms around me, and as much as I want to stay as icy as the roads have grown outside, I immediately start to feel a little better. “Want to tell me why you’re hiding in here?”

“Not really,” I say. I actually do really want to tell him about everything, all of my feelings and worries and desires. But sometimes it’s the hardest to talk about the things that you want the most.

Kaleb sits all the way down inside the corner of the tree and pulls me over onto his lap. I still hold my arms tightly around my torso as if I am protecting my heart inside my ribcage, both literally and figuratively. He gently unwraps my arms and holds both of my hands up against his chest. When he leans his head forward to kiss me, I can’t help but let down my defenses and pull him closer.

“You know you can tell me anything,” he whispers as he wraps his arms around my back, and I let my hands fall into his lap. He kisses me again and I feel like I want to stay in this tree forever; forever sitting in his lap and letting him kiss me softly until I don’t remember anything else.

When he slowly pulls his mouth away from mine, I look into his dark eyes and see all the things I want but can’t have. He waits patiently and quietly as his expression urges me to open up.

“It’s just that I feel so left out sometimes,” I say as I feel my eyes start to get wet. “I know that you guys say I’m a part of the pack, but let’s be real; we both know I’m really not.”

“That’s not—”

“Yes, it is,” I interrupt him. “I constantly have to watch the way you are with Vivian. She’s everything I’m not. She can do everything I can’t.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “Like what?”

“Like … like …” I look up at the ceiling, searching for words. “Like, I can’t run with you during your transformations.”

“That’s what you’re worried about? Running with us during transformations?”

I let out a frustrated huff.

“Among other things. I don’t want to be left out; not with you guys, not from anything. I knew there were certain things I couldn’t do, and I was kind of okay with that … until Vivian

got here. Ever since she arrived, all I see over and over are all the things I can’t do with you.”

“But what about all the things you can do with us?” Kaleb says. I can tell that he’s just trying to make me feel better. But I want him to truly understand why I’m upset.

“Kaleb,” I say as I stare into his eyes. “Do you know what it feels like to want something that you can’t have so badly that it hurts?”

His eyes have taken on a mischievous sparkle. A low growl issues from the back of his throat.

“I think I might.”

I turn my body around in his lap so that my legs straddle either side of his waist. When I roll my hips forward and press gently against him, he groans and looks at me with cavernous eyes. I stay pushed up against him and interlock my fingers with his as I push our palms together and hold his arms against the side of the tree.

When I kiss him, he quivers. As I pull my lips from his, I talk quietly against his face and he listens with complete and deliberate attention.

“I want to be able to run with you,” I say. “I want to be able to stay with you and not have to leave just because the moon is full. I want to be able to race through the woods with you until our feet, our paws, our bodies collapse onto the forest floor. I want to be able to give in.”

My breath is hot on his skin, but not nearly as hot as his on mine. His lips are so close to my neck that I can feel them brushing against me.