Things were about to get interesting.
Chapter 2
Olivia sat on the couch, thumbing through emails on her phone while I did a few chores. "How's the sex-off going?"
"Ugh," I answered, taking out my frustration by angrily spritzing water on the poor plant I had been trying in vain to keep alive. Alec bought it for me a few weeks back, but I so didn't have a green thumb. "It totally sucks. I waited a long time to finally have sex. It seems wrong to have a serious boyfriend and still not be getting any."
Olivia snorted. "Trust me. It is wrong—on so many levels."
I gave her a spritz of water for good measure. "No comments from the peanut gallery allowed. It's not like you're getting any right now either. This has to be your longest dry spell ever."
She flipped me off without looking up from her phone."Don't remind me, whore. I'm ready to dump my dating rules so I can scratch my itch."
I hobbled toward the couch, trying not to put extra weight on the ankle I had twisted the night before. Placing the water bottle and a few dead leaves from the plant on the coffee table, I lowered myself gingerly before settling against the cushions. "Ready to give the poor saps a fighting chance?" I tossed one of the throw pillows onto the ta
ble and lifted my leg up to rest my sore ankle.
Olivia picked up a magazine and mindlessly flipped through the pages before answering. "Is it too much to ask to find a guy who wants the same thing as me out of a relationship? I mean, look at this," she said, holding up my Cosmopolitan magazine. "'Ten Ways to Make Your Guy Fall for You and Stay.' Seriously? What if I just want my guy to warm my bed and leave? Where is that article? I don't need a guy to stick around and cuddle, and I'm definitely not going to pick up his nasty boxers off my bathroom floor or clean up his globs of toothpaste in the sink, especially after he stinks up my bathroom while he browses through my magazines."
I adjusted my sore ankle on the pillow while trying not to laugh. "Well, I have to admit, you're not exactly describing Prince Charming, but you know, it's really not that bad. I wasn't sure what to expect before Alec moved in here but, truthfully, he's tidier than I am. Plus, he feeds me."
"Hey, I feed you sometimes too, but right now you're not getting any more out of me than you do him."
I snorted. "Don't make me regret telling you about our bet, slut."
"But I am right," she said, picking up another magazine.
"Whatever. It's only a matter of time before he caves."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "The fact that he hasn't yet shows how little I've taught you. Do I need you to give you another lesson on how to get your man to put out? Seriously, girl. Use your assets."
I swatted at her. "I don't need a lesson, slutbag. I have a seduction plan in place." Of course, I neglected to mention my first failed attempt from the night before. The plan was for a warm bubble bath where I'd make sure everything was nice and shaved. Then I would innocently call Alec into the bathroom where the mound of foamy bubbles would just barely cover my breasts, followed by an "accidental" nipple slip. What I hadn't counted on was how slick the tub would be from the overabundance of pumpkin spice-scented shower gel I used to make the bubbles. I definitely got Alec's attention, just not the kind I was looking for. My legs slipped out from under me, sending half the water in the tub spilling out on the floor. Alec tore into the bathroom like someone was being murdered when I screeched in pain. The bathroom looked like a crime scene with me sprawled out in the tub with my goods hanging out, a sore tailbone, swollen ankle, and a bruised ego. Not exactly the sexy seduction scene I had painted in my mind.
At the very least I had to hand it to Alec. He could have laughed. I probably would have. Olivia definitely would have, but Alec was a gentleman. He plucked me up out of the tub and carried me gently to the bed. The only magic he performed with his hands was to ice and wrap my ankle before shoving a stack of pillows under my leg to keep it elevated. I didn't get the night of passion I had anticipated, but we did spend the evening in bed with a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream binge-watching season four of Breaking Bad. Not exactly a total loss.
Olivia looked at my ankle skeptically. "Can you carry out your grand plan without killing yourself?"
"Bite me. I told you I did this walking down a flight of stairs."
"So you say, and no thanks to your offer, but maybe you can get your boy toy to do that."
"You're hilarious," I said, plucking one of the dead leaves off the table. "Can we actually talk about work for a minute? How close are you on the cover of Wicked Forever?
She closed the magazine she'd been browsing through and tossed it on the table. "Close. I have a few more shots I want to get tomorrow and then I'll start to work my magic. This one will obviously require all my Photoshop skills since you insisted on wanting the models on the deck of a pirate ship. I should have shut you down before that thought could fully develop in your little head. I must have been drunk when I agreed."
I tore a piece from the dead leaf and tossed it at Olivia, but it fluttered harmlessly to the floor. She mockingly shook her head at my failed attempt. "Not only were you sober, whore, but if I remember correctly, you agreed it was a splendid idea."
"Yeah, but then I asked the obvious question of where the hell were we going to find a pirate ship. I've got a few shots from St. Augustine of a ship they use for dinner shows or even worse, the tacky-as-ass pirate ship from the miniature golf place. The only way to use that one is to try and Photoshop out the cheesy castle and a few pimply-faced teenagers who were running around using their golf clubs like penises."
"Gross. TMI. Anyway, stop bitching. You know it'll be brilliant once you work your magic. I told you we could have found some sort of stock photo of a pirate ship, but you insisted on wanting your own shots. What did you say? Something about not compromising your professional integrity?"
Olivia glared at me even though she couldn't deny my words. "Why is it you can't remember to go grocery shopping or order swag, but somehow you can recall everything I say to use my own words against me?" She stood up grumbling, adjusting the top of the full-length maxi dress she was wearing. I really should have hated her. I'd give a kidney to look the way she did in that dress. The key was to have long thin legs that practically reached your armpits. Of course, even if I had been blessed with Olivia's stems, I would have found a way to trip over myself thanks to my clumsy gene.
"It's a gift. My brain is filled with useless knowledge."
"Ain't that the truth."
"Whatever, braless wonder," I said, tugging on her dress to yank it down.