"It's Nicole," I said, hoping she wouldn't hang up on me.
"Nicole," she squealed. "Where are you? You missed my birthday. I'm six now," she stated proudly.
"I know, sweetie. Did you get my present?" I'd bought her the horse from the American Girl store while I was in New York City. It was like walking into a little girl's fantasyland and made me wish I was six years old again. Three floors of doll splendor, selling anything you could possibly think of to outfit and accessorize your purchase. There was even a beauty salon where no less than six stylists stood behind the long counter fixing and primping the hair of the dolls. I'd never seen anything like it. The funniest part was the shell-shocked fathers who looked like they had no idea how they'd gotten there.
"I did! I named her Cricket," Lily said excitedly. "I love it."
"I'm so glad. One day I'll take you to the store where I bought it."
Her squeal of delight could have shattered several windows. I held the phone away from my ear, laughing.
"Can I talk to your dad, sweetie?" I asked when she finished clearing her pipes.
"He's in mommy's shower."
"What?"
"Mommy and Daddy are in the shower. They told me to watch my new Tinker Bell movie."
Her words registered through the phone, but they felt like a noose around my throat. My vision blurred and my breath wheezed out in ragged gasps. I gripped the arm of the chair, slowly lowering myself down. Without giving it conscious thought, I disconnected the call. My worst fears had come to a head. A little voice in my head taunted me, blaming me for freaking out during Christmas over the idea of deep commitment and becoming a ready-made family. I never expressed those fears to Alec, but somehow he must have known. Then I left for weeks on end. I practically handed him over to Candace on a silver platter. That didn't mean he had to go willingly. Only a snake cheated.
I shook my head, trying to clear Lily's words from my memory. I didn't doubt the truth in them. I'd been around Lily enough to know she was honest to a fault. What I couldn't believe was how they were getting it on with Lily in the next room. How wrapped up in each other were they? Just plop your kid down in front of the TV and get down to business? Bile rose up in my throat as I fought to remove the image of Alec and Candace from my head.
Anger surged through me. That son of a bitch. For weeks I'd been beating myself up for not trusting him, blaming myself for allowing another guy to crush on me. I was disgusted over all the wasted energy I had turned on myself.
I surged from the chair, forcefully shoving my phone into my purse. I needed a drink. Hell, I needed several. Within seconds I found my group at the bar and wasted no time getting the bartender's attention. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the counter while he took his time checking my ID.
The moment the shot of bourbon hit the counter, I downed the contents without pause, much to the astonishment of my friends.
"Damn, girl. You're not playing around," Tina crowed, signaling the bartender for another round. "You okay?" she asked, getting a look at my face.
"Fine." I tipped my second drink up to my mouth, welcoming the warm fuzzy feeling that spread from my tongue to the back of my head and down my body.
Michelle appeared at my side, elbowing me with concern."Nicole?"
"I'm fine," I repeated, downing the rest of the shot. The amber liquid burned its way down to my stomach, but I welcomed the pain."I'll take another one," I said, waving the bartender over again.
"Are you sure you want another one?" Michelle asked.
"He's in the shower with her," I blurted out, chuckling. I couldn't fathom why I was laughing. Nothing about the situation was funny.
"No," she whispered, horrified. Monica and Tina looked on curiously, but it didn't take a genius to discern who I was talking about.
"Yep." I tried swallowing the sudden knot that had appeared in my throat. "Lily said they told her to watch Tinker Bell while they took a shower. Those were her words." My voice shrilled in my ears. I clamped my lips closed, not wanting to hear myself anymore.
Without pressing for details, Michelle guided me to one of the booths and ordered another round of drinks. It wasn't a shot of bourbon, but I didn't care. It could have been acetone and I would have drunk it. I just wanted to escape. The liquor didn't seem to help though. Even with the better part of three drinks floating around in my stomach.
Monica and Tina joined us in the booth and tried initiating light conversation. I didn't even bother to participate. I was too far gone in my dark place. With the last of my drink finished and my heart still aching, I stood up to leave, finally feeling the effects of the liquor in my system. I was a lightweight drinker and usually became slightly buzzed from a glass of wine. Michelle called the bartender to order another round, but I was done. The drinks had not given me the relief I needed. I reached into my purse and threw whatever money I could grab onto the table. The room had tilted slightly from when I stormed in earlier.
"I'll go with you," Michelle said, standing up.
I waved her off. "I just need to be alone for a little while," I said, gripping the back of the booth. "I'm going to head up to my room."
"Okay, sweetie." She patted my hand. "We'll talk in the morning."
I left the bar, taking mindful steps toward the elevators. Everyone's rooms were on the third floor, so the ride was short. Short was good. Short didn't provide the opportunity to dwell on things. Stepping off the elevator, I trudged down the hall with the alcohol swimming through my bloodstream. I felt numb.
I pulled out my key card and started to slide it into the lock before changing my mind. Turning back around, I moved three doors down and raised my hand to knock on the door.