Training wound down after one final test in which Haniel paired the Protectors against each other to battle. As Guides, it was our job to block any interference thrown their way to manipulate them. This proved to be the most difficult task of all. Although I knew the Protectors really wouldn’t harm each other, it was still hard to idly stand by as they fought while at the same time, concentrate on keeping Haniel away from them. Haniel was more aggressive during this simulation. Keeping him away from all the Protectors felt impossible as he shifted gears with lighting quick speed. After several failed attempts on our part, Haniel called an end to the training.
"We will train again tomorrow. You will get it. You have to," he said, leaving no room for argument. Who were we to argue anyway? We knew what was expected of us and what we would lose if we failed.
He was right. We had to get it.
Chapter 15
The next few days passed in a blur as we traded sleep shifts while still allowing ample time to train. Most of us were getting less than four hours sleep a night and we were beginning to feel the effects of it.
I, of course, had my own issues to deal with. My mom wasn't happy that I hadn’t spent one night under her roof in almost a week. I felt the pressure of my white lies building up as I sought to protect her from the truth. I managed to squeeze in a few hours here and there, but our conversations became strained as she tried to make me feel guilty for all the hours I was spending with Mark.
"Mom, I told you we're researching our past, still trying to figure things out," I told her, regurgitating the same white lie.
"I understand that, but there's no reason you need to sleep there every night, unless the promise you made me was just a tale?" she asked, clearly aggravated.
"Mom, trust me, we are sooooo not sleeping together. I'm sharing a room with Sam and Lynn. It's just easier if we're all together," I added.
She continued to wear on me for the rest of the visit. By the time I arrived back at Mark's house, I was in tears. I hated that she was mad at me, and I hated that I had to play the "I'm not a kid anymore" card. It just didn't feel right.
Once I finally left the vehicle, I sought out Haniel to ask for his help. I wasn’t crazy about the whole mind control thing, but I also hated to see my mom hurting over my actions. He had offered his assistance days before when he visited Sam's foster parents, giving them the impression that Sam was away working as a counselor at a summer camp. I resisted his help at first, not feeling comfortable deceiving my mom like that, but the time for worrying about trivial things had passed. The pressure of juggling it all was affecting my sleep and my training.
"I will handle it," Haniel reassured me, placing his hand on my shoulder briefly. His touch removed all the heartache I felt over my visit home, leaving behind a warm glowing feeling that traveled from my shoulder down to my toes.
He turned to leave, but I stopped him with one last question that had been eating away at me for days.
"Haniel, is it wrong that I get angry in certain situations?" I asked quietly. "I mean you're always talking about a Guide's soul being precious and a sight to behold and yet mine seems far from that," I said, mumbling the last part.
Haniel walked back and stopped in front of me. "Krista, it is your ability to feel each emotion so completely that makes your soul so much more precious. You care about wrong as passionately as you do what is right. Trust me, your soul glows from the inside out. In all my years, I have only seen one other soul as lovely as yours. Never doubt your emotions or your place in the Angelic order. You are truly special to us all," he said, walking away in his usual abrupt manner.
Sinking to the shallow step, I digested his words. For weeks, I had been stressed that there was something wrong with me. Angels were perceived as caring and loving, without a trace of animosity and yet, when facing danger my anger flared up. I pondered Haniel's words and a great wave of relief flowed through me, easing the doubts that had plagued me.
I stood up, hopping up the last step, suddenly very lighthearted. Haniel's reassurance about my soul and the fact that he was fixing my home situation lifted the two heavy weights that had been sitting on my shoulders.
"You okay, Krista?" Grace asked as I walked in the front door.
"I am now," I said, shooting her a smile. Grace and Faith had quickly become my favorites from the other bands. Their good-natured, sunny attitude drew you in like a bee to a sweet flower. Although, I couldn't help thinking that part of their appeal to me was the knowledge that they were the counterparts to our own missing Links. Being around them gave me a piece of what our own band was missing.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked sensing there was more.
"My mom, or adoptive mom, is not taking my absence over the past few days very well," I said, mentioning only a small portion of what had been bothering me.
"Honey, you can call her mom around us. We are all so very grateful to her for the loving care she and her husband provided for you. We wish your fellow Links would have received the same kind of love. It grieves us greatly that Victor stole all of you from your birthright," she said, sounding sadder than I had ever heard her.
"Okay, so what can I do to help you with your mom?" she asked, shaking off the gloom and switching back to the sunny attitude I loved.
"Haniel said he would go see her," I said.
"Ah yes, Haniel does have a knack for fixing situations. When you're surrounded by other celestial beings day in and day out, you forget what it's like to have to deal with humans. I'm sure it's tough on you trying to juggle both," she said, completely understanding my dilemma.
"It is. When I'm here, I'm someone special with a great responsibility. At home, I'm just a regular girl whose biggest worry is supposed to be if my favorite shirt is clean before I go out on a date. I've tried hard to keep her in the dark, but when she's nagging me about a clean room or college, I have to fight the temptation to tell her all the secrets I'm keeping. Maybe then she would see that I have bigger worries than a clean bathroom," I said sighing. "But I know I can't. Protecting her by keeping her in the dark is the best thing for her. It was hard for me to buy into the whole celestial being thing at first and I had proof. I could only imagine trying to convince someone that wasn’t tied in with all of this," I said, spreading out my arms.
Grace placed her arm around my shoulder, guiding me toward the kitchen. "I know it's tough, but I think you've made a very wise and mature choice," she said. "How about to take your mind off of it, I whip up a batch of double chocolate chip cookies? A little birdie told me that you're a bit of a chocolate lover," she said, smiling at me.
"You mean from scratch?" I asked, my mouth already watering.
"Of course, is there any other kind?" she asked, laughing lightly as she started assembling the ingredients.
"In my house there is. Slice and bake is the closest we come to homemade. My mom isn’t the best of cooks, and I definitely take after her," I said.