Contradictions (Woodfalls Girls 3)

“Nice,” I said, grinning broadly as we fist-bumped.

“Yeah, they want to do it as a race. They’ll dump the guys and their rafts at the starting point, and the first five who make it back will become brothers. The others will be shit out of luck.”

“That’s effing brilliant. Are they doing it in the morning?”

“Hell no, that’s the brilliant part. They’re doing it tonight. Half the fun will be making them fumble through the dark.”

“That’ll suck for taking pictures.”

“You can take a picture of the guys as they load into the rafts.”

“That works. The chilly weather ought to make for some interesting pictures. I heard shrinkage is not just a myth,” I said, grinning wickedly at her.

“Trust me, it’s not. Steve talked me into skinny-dipping last spring at the lake near my parents’ house. It was butt-ass cold and Steve’s penis looked like a turtle head scared to peek out of its shell. I was scared it was permanently damaged and I was going to have to turn it in for a new model.” She winked at me.

“Can’t blame you there. A broken penis is a no-fun penis.”

“Totes,” she said, grinning.

“When are they going out?”

“Ten, I think. Whoops, I think Steve is looking for me,” she said, glancing at her ringing cell phone. “Remember, not a word until they head out, okay?” She placed her hand on my shoulder to emphasize her point before leaving to join her man.

I was pondering Melissa’s words when Cameo danced over to me, dragging Chad behind her, who was in turn dragging his human dog behind him.

She was practically bursting with excitement. “Guess what?” For a second I thought Chad had spilled to her about the rafting prank. This was college life. No secret was sacred.

“What?” I tried to look surprised, expecting to hear news of the prank I already knew about.

“Chad told me they installed a stripper pole in the rec room. Do you want to give these boys a real show?” She looked knowingly at me, making me smirk.

Cameo and I decided last year it would be fun to take a pole dancing class. The class turned out to be a lot more intense than we thought. To put it mildly, we now had a healthy respect for the chicks that did it for a living. When it was all said and done, we had managed to squeak through enough lessons to give a decent showing.

Our small group headed downstairs, and I noticed others starting to follow as word began to spread of what Cameo and I had planned. The chatter crescendoed as we made our way into the rec room. The Ping-Pong table and air hockey table had been moved from their normal locations in the center of the room to make space for the shiny new pole. Currently, a drunk blonde with boobs that rivaled mine was straddling the pole. Whether it was her intoxication or just a lack of rhythm, she looked like she needed the pole more to hold herself up than to do any dancing. She was unceremoniously booed from the pole when she tried to make up for her lack of skills by humping it. Another girl stepped in to take her place. I recognized her from the speech class I took last fall. She was at least a halfway decent dancer, but she didn’t have a clue what to do with the pole.

“This is painful to watch,” Cameo murmured in my ear.

“Tell me about it. If she runs her tongue up the pole one more time, I may have to gouge my eyes out.”

“When are you two going to put her out of her misery?” Chad interrupted.

“We’re biding our time. If all the dancers perform like this, it’ll make ours more meaningful,” Cameo mumbled out of the corner of her mouth.

We endured two more showgirl wannabes when we finally decided enough was enough. The atmosphere changed abruptly when Cameo and I approached the pole. During the class we had taken, we pretty much perfected a dance that teased and enticed without giving anything away. The catcalls and groans got louder and louder as Cameo and I moved our hips in a rhythmic motion. Part of the routine had us unclasping the top few buttons of each other’s blouses, exposing just enough cleavage to have all the guys yelling. In the big finale, I slid slowly down with my back against the pole and my face just inches from Cameo’s bosom. She then spread her legs, as I ducked underneath and swayed up her backside as she turned her head back to me, looking like we were about to kiss, but stopping just before. By the time we were done, every male in the vicinity had taken off his shirt. They twirled them in the air as they screamed their approval.

We joined Chad, who was high-fiving the guys standing around him. He threw his arms around us like our dance had been an invitation. “Holy fuck, you sure you two wouldn’t like to—you know?”

“That’s as close as it’s going to get, loverboy,” I said, spotting Melissa, who was gesturing me over. “I’ll catch you guys in a little while.”

6.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” Melissa began. “The brothers are getting ready to round up the pledges. Steve knows you’ll be driving with me. Everyone else will be at the bottom of the rapids so they can see the guys in all their naked glory when they finish.”

“Or lack of glory,” I snorted. We both laughed as we headed up the stairs. The rest of the partygoers caught wind of something coming up. Excitement rippled through the crowd when one of the fraternity brothers passed out flyers giving directions to the location where everyone should go.

After some mild confusion, Melissa was designated as a driver for the overflow of pledges. I probably should have found Cameo or Derek to let them know where I was going, but I was too excited. I claimed the front seat while three freshmen piled into the back. They had dumped their leashes, but were still wearing Speedos. The fraternity conceded and let them at least wear jackets for now, although none of the pledges knew it was only temporary. Melissa looked at me, giggling as I returned her grin. These poor saps had no idea what they were in for.

The drive to the drop-off point at Penobscot River passed with nervous bursts of chatter from the backseat as the guys mulled over what the final stunt was going to be. I felt a pinch of sympathy for them. This was one of the main reasons I never joined a sorority. It was fun watching what the pledges had to endure, but God knows I could never have tolerated some of the shit the wannabes are put through. I wanted to be the one doing the pranking, not the other way around.