Misunderstandings (Woodfalls Girls 2)

“Uh-huh,” I stammered, unsure of what I was doing here. I wasn’t ready for this yet. I’d just needed to make sure there were other options. “Can I just have a pamphlet or something?” I asked, finally able to form a coherent sentence.

“On the far wall between the bathrooms is all the literature you’ll need,” she said, still not looking up.

Thanking her for her limited help, I made my way to the wall of brochures. Without bothering to read any of their titles, I shoved one of each into my purse, not caring whether they were about STDs, safe sex, or options beyond abortion. The safe sex literature seemed a little like hindsight considering that if anyone in this room had practiced safe sex, none of us would be here now. Cramming the last of the brochures into my bag, I hurried from the building like a bank robber fleeing the scene of a crime. The anxiety I felt haunted me for several blocks as I moved as fast as my legs could muster. I wanted as much distance between the abortion clinic and me as possible. One thing I learned was that returning would be nearly impossible.

27.

Present Day

4:17 PM

“Did you ever consider the possibility that I would want to know?” Justin asked.

“Of course I did,” I sighed, pulling my bag to my lap. I held it tightly as if it could shield me from his questions.

“But you decided my opinion wasn’t important enough, or maybe you knew I would talk you out of it.”

“I was going to tell you. That last date we had, when you accused me of being vacant, I’d just taken the pregnancy test. I was going to tell you and then you were suddenly breaking up with me.”

My eyes met his without flinching. I had provided one of the pieces from the puzzle of confusion. I could see him mentally sliding it into place. Because I knew him as well as I did, the remorse hidden behind his handsome features was evident, even if for a moment.

“You had plenty of time to tell me after that day,” he said stubbornly, not wanting to own up to his part in the blame game.

“Really? When exactly would that have been? The week after you broke up with me and never even bothered to call? I know you can’t possibly be talking about Jacob’s beer-pong party, where you spent half the night with Shelly sitting in your lap with her tongue crammed down your throat.”

“I didn’t call because I was fucking torn up. Your sudden disinterest in me felt like someone had reached into my chest and pulled out my heart.”

“Oh, boo-hoo. So you didn’t even bother trying to call? It had to be just about you, right? I wasn’t disinterested. I was freaking out because I was pregnant, you moron.”

“I didn’t know,” he stated quietly.

“It shouldn’t have mattered. You should have stood by me. We’d been dating for three months. You told me you loved me,” I said, hating the way my voice cracked.

“I was afraid you were getting ready to dump me. I was trying to save face.”

“Well, there you go. All you cared about was yourself. Are you kidding me?”

“Look, the relationship thing was still new to me. Just like you. I was scared that you seemed to hold all the power.”

“None of it changes anything. You wanted to know why I never told you; well, now you see. You took yourself out of the equation the moment you tried to ‘save face,’” I said, throwing his words back at him.

28.

March 2011

“What are these?” Melissa asked, holding up the stack of brochures I’d cleaned out of my bag after a week of ignoring them.

“Just some stuff I picked up,” I answered, taking them from her and shoving them in my bag.

Melissa looked troubled as she continued to study me. “Brittni, what are you going to do? Are you going to get an abortion?”

I didn’t want to answer her question. For almost a week I’d been able to pretend everything was okay. I just needed time to sort through my feelings, and by ignoring the pamphlets I was almost successful. “I don’t know, Mel. It’s too much for me to think about right now,” I answered, shoving my books into my bag for my afternoon classes.

“You have to make a decision soon, otherwise you won’t have a decision to make,” she logically pointed out.

“I know. I have a few weeks to make up my mind. I just need a little more time,” I said, ignoring her doubtful look as I headed for the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” she muttered, looking unhappy.