“Really? When exactly would that have been? The week after you broke up with me and never even bothered to call? I know you can’t possibly be talking about Jacob’s beer-pong party, where you spent half the night with Shelly sitting in your lap with her tongue crammed down your throat.”
“I didn’t call because I was fucking torn up. Your sudden disinterest in me felt like someone had reached into my chest and pulled out my heart.”
“Oh, boo-hoo. So you didn’t even bother trying to call? It had to be just about you, right? I wasn’t disinterested. I was freaking out because I was pregnant, you moron.”
“I didn’t know,” he stated quietly.
“It shouldn’t have mattered. You should have stood by me. We’d been dating for three months. You told me you loved me,” I said, hating the way my voice cracked.
“I was afraid you were getting ready to dump me. I was trying to save face.”
“Well, there you go. All you cared about was yourself. Are you kidding me?”
“Look, the relationship thing was still new to me. Just like you. I was scared that you seemed to hold all the power.”
“None of it changes anything. You wanted to know why I never told you; well, now you see. You took yourself out of the equation the moment you tried to ‘save face,’” I said, throwing his words back at him.
28.
March 2011
“What are these?” Melissa asked, holding up the stack of brochures I’d cleaned out of my bag after a week of ignoring them.
“Just some stuff I picked up,” I answered, taking them from her and shoving them in my bag.
Melissa looked troubled as she continued to study me. “Brittni, what are you going to do? Are you going to get an abortion?”
I didn’t want to answer her question. For almost a week I’d been able to pretend everything was okay. I just needed time to sort through my feelings, and by ignoring the pamphlets I was almost successful. “I don’t know, Mel. It’s too much for me to think about right now,” I answered, shoving my books into my bag for my afternoon classes.
“You have to make a decision soon, otherwise you won’t have a decision to make,” she logically pointed out.
“I know. I have a few weeks to make up my mind. I just need a little more time,” I said, ignoring her doubtful look as I headed for the door. “I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” she muttered, looking unhappy.
Her words repeated themselves on a continuous loop in my head. I knew she was right. A decision had to be made. The idea of returning to the cold forbidding abortion clinic made my stomach turn. I just needed more time.
Classes passed much as they had for the last month. I meticulously took notes in each of them, since it was the only thing that seemed to distract my thoughts.
“Hey, Brittni, wait up,” a masculine voice called out as I headed back to my dorm later that afternoon.
Turning around, I saw Jacob Miller hurrying toward me.
“Damn, you’re fast,” he said, jogging over to me. “Hot date?”
An ironic bubble of laughter erupted out of me in one quick gasp. “Hot date? Not unless you consider math equations hot,” I answered, holding up my book.
Jacob laughed along with me before swallowing hard. “I kinda heard through the rumor mill that you and Justin Avery called it quits.”
My eyes widened as I willed myself not to react to hearing Justin’s name. “I didn’t realize you and Justin knew each other,” I commented, digging my nails into my hand so I would remain focused.
“Sure, we all go back. Anyway, I’m throwing a party tonight and wanted to know if you’d come?”
“Um, I’m not really in the party mood,” I hedged.
“Come on. It’ll do you good to let off some steam.”
“I’m not ready to start dating again,” I interjected, trying to let him down easy.