If Dean thought my behavior was odd, he didn't comment about it as we strolled down the hallway.
"Are you going to the memorial service tomorrow?" he asked out of the blue.
I shrugged my shoulders, focusing on the trophy case we were slowly passing. I was pretty sure our trophy case rivaled that of any other school, but I guess that was the point. "Go big or go home" seemed to be our school's motto. I didn't need to check the dates on the basketball trophies to know that Dean was responsible for two of them winding up behind the glass. I waited for him to admire and pimp his successes in front of me, but he didn't even give the case a second look. I was shocked. Acknowledging the glory case was the highlight of any student who graced its shelves. Most of the Jockheads would camp out there in front of the case between classes, flexing their muscles as they pointed to their accolades. It was disgusting. The fact Dean didn't even look did something odd to my stomach.
"Are you?" he repeated.
"Uh, yeah, I guess," I said, answering his question. "It beats finishing the day in study hall," I added. Principal Douche was giving the student body the option of attending the afternoon memorial service or spending the time in study hall. He had threatened detention to students who skipped both, which was laughable. It wasn't like they'd be able to do attendance, and I was quite confident half the student body would be starting their weekend early. I had planned on going anyway. I needed to see the closure to Mitch's actions. I had to make sure I'd made the right decision.
"You?" I asked as he led me past all the typical outdoor hangouts.
"Yeah, my folks feel it's important, but I would have gone anyways," he said surprising me.
I wanted to ask him why. Why would he trouble himself for someone who'd meant nothing to him? But I decided not to probe. What do I care if he goes or not?
We were on the far outskirts of the campus when Dean finally tossed his backpack on the grass beneath a magnificent oak tree that I never realized was there. It seemed out of place, surrounded by all the Florida sand pines and palm trees that littered the school grounds. The grass beneath it was lush and thick. It was unlike the patches of sparse grass that were beat down by countless sneakered feet taking shortcuts to classes.
I sank down on the ground and lay back against the cool grass, almost gasping in awe at the branches overhead. The sun was all but obstructed from view by the mighty branches covered in leaves the size of my hand. Shadows blended together, lurking beneath the branches that snaked out like long arms. I felt my heart swell slightly in my chest. This was my place. I had found a place where being a shadow didn't matter. I fought back sudden tears. Dean had somehow given me a gift I never even knew I yearned for.
"Pretty amazing, huh?" Dean asked, quietly lying next to me.
All I could do was nod, my heart and mind locked in a silent battle. I was afraid if I talked, my tears would spill over. Emotions I had long forgotten stirred inside me. I should leave. I didn't want to feel. Leaving would return me to the land of neutrality I had cloaked myself in the last four years. My head urged me to flee, to forget about this almost magical spot. To forget about the boy who had shared it with me. It was only a tree. My heart though, knew better. This tree was the home I never had. It was an escape from the world that had been pressing in on me for so long. I ached inside, knowing this haven had been right in front of me for the last four years and I was just now discovering it.
To anyone else, it was just a tree.
To me it was a sanctuary. A place where shadows no longer mattered as they all melded together.
Chapter Six
"How did you find it?" I asked after a few moments, trying to keep my voice sounding nonchalant. After all, just because this place felt like I'd stumbled into my own secret garden didn't mean it held the same appeal for everyone else.
He gave no indication that he thought my question was odd. "I found it freshman year. It's a great place to study and get away from it all. This week has been a rough one, so I've used it as a refuge more than a few times in the last few days."
I wonder what he could possibly want to get away from. What could have driven him to need a safe haven? He had it all, family, friends, grades, looks and popularity. Past sins didn't follow him like an unwanted cloak. Dean was my polar opposite. He was the sun, while I was the darkness.
"You don't hold the market on the need for solitude," he gently chided me, somehow knowing my silent questions. Once again, I felt unsettled that he kept finding cracks in my armor. "Everyone has their secrets and skeletons in their closets they'd like to hide," he added as his face clouded over.
"How do you do that?" I asked, trying to ignore the spasm of pain that had flitted across his face.
"Do what?" he asked, smiling at me to break up the sudden shift our conversation had taken.
I raised my eyebrow at him, making it clear I wasn't buying his innocent act.
"I hate to break it to you, but you're not that hard to read."
"I'm sure," I said sarcastically. "The question is, why bother? Did you take some bet from your Jockheads that you could score with the dark, brooding, ghost-like girl?" I sniped out.
"Get a grip. You're pricklier than a feral cat," he said, sitting up.
"Too bad for you, I'm not in heat," I said, calming down.
He laughed outright. "You say the funniest stuff sometimes."
"You don't get out much, do you?" I asked, unzipping my backpack to remove my crinkled study guide.
"Why don't you ever smile?" he asked, once again throwing me for a loop.
"What makes you think I don't?" I said, fighting the urge to bolt.