Miss Me Not

"Hey, Madison, see you in a couple days."

"Count on it," I said, closing the door. "You don't have to pay for the pizza. It's on Donna," I said, trying to hand him the twenty that was clutched in my hand.

"Nah, it's good. I didn't realize that I was eating your dinner though."

"That's why I ordered a large. I'm a two-slice kind of person," I said, setting the pizza on the coffee table. "I'm going to go get us a couple sodas. Is Coke okay?"

"Sure," he said, sitting back down on the floor.

A few minutes later, I joined him with a couple of plates, napkins and the sodas. Dean asked me inane questions while we ate. I answered all of them, smiling slightly at the ridiculousness at some of them. I couldn't remember a time I'd been as content as I was at that moment. If I didn't know better, I would say I was happy. But that was impossible. Happiness wasn't in my DNA makeup. Was it?

We studied for a couple more hours after I cleaned up the remains of our dinner. I was slowly getting used to having him around and found myself wishing that time would slow down.

"I guess I better head home," Dean finally said, stretching the kinks out from sitting on the floor so long.

"Right," I said, trying to push my reluctance back so he wouldn't see it.

"Lunch tomorrow?" he asked, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"I don't know. Are you going to stand me up again?" I asked.

"No, ma'am," he said, giving me a mock salute.

"Fine, I guess."

He laughed at my indifferent answer. "See you tomorrow, Mads."

"Night," I said, closing the door behind him. The silence of the house enveloped me as I leaned back against the door. I fought the sudden prickling of tears. Being alone sucked.

Chapter Ten

The next few weeks traipsed along without incident. Dean actually showed up for lunch every day, and I tried my best to appear normal. Our tentative friendship was changing into something more. I tried to hold on to the "friend" façade, but Dean kept changing the game up every time I turned around. He somehow got me like no other person had before. Every once in awhile he'd slip in a probing question, digging just a little deeper. His slower approach left me opening up more than I normally would have. His presence began to ebb away some of the darkness in my life, allowing a ray of light to dance on the outskirts. The only thing that marred my new friendship with Dean was my slowly unraveling friendship with James. Our lunches together had become few and far between, and I couldn't help feeling guilty.

"So, tonight I'm going to show you my own version of family fun night," Dean announced. His words hung between us as we gathered up the remains of our lunch.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, instantly apprehensive. His constant little pushes were breaking every rule I'd set as he continually redefined what our friendship was.

"That's for me to know and you to find out," he said, heading off toward the science building. I waited several minutes and then trailed behind him. As a rule, I wouldn't let him walk me to class. I told him it was to cut back on the gossip. I was trying to keep his reputation in tact as much as I could. He was confident that I was overdramatizing the reaction of his friends if they knew we hung out together. He was so naive. My past would tarnish anyone's reputation. Even one as strong as his.

I was almost to class that day when I saw James ahead of me. I picked up my pace so I could talk to him.

"Hey," I said, breathing a little heavily as I finally caught up to him.

"Hey, how's the studying?" he said, calling me out on the lame excuses I'd given a couple weeks ago.

"Not bad. My tutor turned out to be halfway decent," I answered, coming clean, sort of. "We've been doing a lot of studying in the afternoons too."

"Wow, you're taking your classes pretty seriously lately," he said, eyeing me skeptically.

"I figure if I'm going to do this whole living thing, I needed to fix a few things," I said quietly. Squeaking by had been fine when I thought it wouldn't matter. Knowing that I was sticking around had changed my outlook. Well, that and Dean's influence.

"That's great, Madison," he said, sounding anything but sincere.

I knew I was letting him down, and in a weird way I felt bad. My changing was irrevocably changing our superficial friendship forever. Our combined darkness had given us a common bond. What would happen if I continued to change?

"Why don't you join us for lunch on Monday?" I said as sudden inspiration struck. "Dean found this cool tree on the edge of the campus. No one ever goes out there, so it's a great place."

"Dean Jackson is your tutor? All-American-I-Can-Do-No-Wrong Dean Jackson?"