Miss Me Not

"You did it," Dean said, rinsing the last glass before adding it to the full dishwasher.

"Did you doubt I wouldn't?" I asked, wiping down the table.

"Not for a second," he answered, tossing the dirty dish towel into the laundry room that was located right off the kitchen. "Movie time," he said as the twins came skipping into the kitchen wearing pajamas with Disney's newest heroine splashed across them.

"Yay," they squealed, running for the living room.

"Ready for part two of family fun night?" he asked.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Negator," he answered as we joined his family in the living room. Both his parents were already sitting on the love seat when we joined them. They looked content as his mom leaned against his dad's chest so she'd have a good view of the television.

Ashley and Dora waited until Dean and I were sitting next to each other and then piled in between us. Dean grinned at me and I couldn't help but return a smile. I'm not sure which one it was, but one of the twins lifted my arm and snuggled underneath it while Tim started the movie and dimmed all the lights.

I looked down at the small body snuggled up beside me, and for the second time that night, I fought sudden tears. One day, this could be me snuggled up on the couch with my own daughter. If I would have followed through with my plan, I wouldn't be sitting here right now thinking about someday having my own family. The gift Mitch had given me made the knot in my throat swell. I had a future. I could someday get married and have my own family. For the first time since his death, I wanted to weep for his loss. I wasn't his friend and I really never knew Mitch, but my heart ached for the family he would never have.

Ashley and Dora both crashed halfway through the movie, but we continued to watch until the end. As my first experience with a Disney movie, I was impressed. Who knew animation could be so entertaining? Being a church daycare kid, my cartoon watching had centered on the same boring Christian videos over and over again in an endless loop. It got to the point that I would rather watch paint dry than see how Moses parted the Red Sea.

"How about some cookies and pumpkin bars?" Dean asked as his parents each carried a twin to their room.

"Sure," I said, standing and stretching. "But first I need to use the bathroom."

"Down the hall, second door on the left," Dean said.

"Okay," I said walking quietly down the hall so I wouldn't disturb the twins. Movement in one of the rooms I passed grabbed my attention and I paused in the doorway. I watched as Dean's parents carefully tucked each little girl into their bed, taking care not to wake them. Sweeping my eyes around the room, I took in the pretty pink walls, delicate furnishings and framed artwork that was obviously one of a kind. It was the kind of room I used to dream of having when I was little. It screamed of love and caring. Feeling like a stalker, I watched as Dean's parents tenderly kissed the sleeping girls on the foreheads before I turned away. I moved from the door, anxious to get away. I closed the bathroom door behind me quietly and leaned against it, heavily. Who were these people? Did people really act like this? I felt like I was in some kind of utopian movie, where everything was picture perfect. I was a fraud for stepping into their utopian lives when I clearly belonged in a dystopian world.

Once I finished using the toilet, I stood in front of the vanity washing my slightly shaking hands. I grimaced, taking in my reflection. My eyes looked larger than normal as they stood out against my pasty, clammy complexion. I needed to get a grip. I would finish my night in this alternate universe and then join my reality. I could do this, I thought as I left the bathroom.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked when I joined him on the couch.

"Yeah," I lied, scooting to the side of the couch to put some distance between us. It was time I kept our friendship real. No family dinners, no cozy nights on the couch and definitely no almost-kisses in dim hallways.

I tried to ignore the confused and somewhat hurt look on Dean's face. Instead, I pretended to be engrossed in the movie on the big television. The actual plot of the movie was lost on me as one action scene bled into the other, but my mind silently counted down the minutes and seconds until I could return to my worthless existence where I didn't feel like the biggest imposter ever. After what seemed like the longest movie ever, the credits finally began to roll across the screen.

"That was pretty good," Dean said around a yawn to his father as he stood up stretching.

"I agree. Plus, that twist at the end snuck right up on me," Tim said, pulling Sarah to her feet.

"Not me. I saw it coming about halfway in," Sarah said smugly, planting a kiss on Tim's cheek.

"Get out," Dean said, turning to me. "Did you have it figured out too?"

Since I'd spent the majority of the movie in a fog, I had absolutely no idea what twist they were all talking about. "Uh, no, it completely took me by surprise," I mumbled, edging toward the door so Dean would get the point.

"Madison, it was a pleasure to meet you," Sarah said, joining me at the door. "I hope we'll get to see you soon," she said, pulling me in for a hug.

Every cell in my body froze at her touch. My arms hung by my side and my back was stiff as a board. I tried not to think about the last time someone had held me in their arms.

"You're so beautiful, it makes my heart ache," he crooned, studying my cleavage that had recently come to life.

"You think so?" I asked, toying with a lock of my hair, trying to hide my smile. I'd seen the way he'd checked me out when he saw me at church. He was just trying to play it cool, the way he continued to keep me at arm's length, at least, until today. I knew he wanted me. I had been planning today for months. If this didn't have the effect I yearned for, nothing would, so I'd lured him in with the excuse that my dad had some schedule changes for him.

I had to hold back my giggle when his eyes nearly popped out of his head when I answered his knock at the door wearing a short revealing negligee I had snagged from Victoria Secret. My newfound chest was barely covered by the small slip of lace that made up the bodice. I watched as his eyes devoured every curve of my body while I led him into the house.

"Where are you parents?" he had asked, noticeably nervous, even as he took a step toward me.

"Not here," I said coyly, taking a drink of my Coke I had dosed with a healthy shot of rum. My dumbass nerves were being a pain in the ass. I could do this. It was just sex.