Miss Me Not

"Oh, you sweet girl, it's you who would be doing me a favor. Do you know the last time the guys volunteered to watch the girls for the entire day? You wouldn't deny a middle-aged woman the joy of shopping without two three-year-olds tagging along, would you?" she said, looking me straight in the eye.

"Uh, I guess not," I answered, still not quite believing her.

"Excellent," she said, clapping her hands excitedly. "Do you need to grab anything?"

"Just my wallet. I'll be right back," I said, heading down the hall to grab my wallet from my backpack. Apprehension crept in like a perverted stalker as I thought of the charade I would have to go through to appear normal. How would I hide my inner freak for an entire day? Panic clawed though me like a ravenous beast as I grabbed my wallet from my backpack and snatched up my phone off my bed where I had left it.

Flipping my phone over, I saw I had missed a text from Dean. The text message was brief, but it gave me the confidence I needed to at least try.

You can do this, Mads. I believe in you. D

That jerk. I could not fathom how he always knew exactly what to say, or how he knew me so acutely, but it nevertheless sent a strange thrill racing though me.

Taking a calming breath, I headed back out to the living room.

"All set?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah," I said, trailing behind her as she headed out to the minivan parked in our driveway. I paused long enough to lock the door behind me.

The minivan was much as I always imagined a regular family vehicle to be. Crushed Cheerios littered the floor in front of the two booster seats in the second row, while sticky fingerprint marks marred the glass and the door handles.

"God, don't look back there," Sarah said, laughing as she saw me eyeing the backseat. "The girls are a walking disaster," she added affectionately, cringing as she took in the backseat. "I definitely need to have Tim clean the van this weekend," she mused, backing out of my driveway.

"I think it's kind of nice," I admitted, self-consciously.

"Me too," she said, winking at me. "Makes it real. We tried for years to have the twins, so now I think we're blessed with them. None of their mess bothers me."

Her words pierced me like a sword. I detested the word "bless" in any form. "Bless," "blessed," "blessing," they were nothing but a crutch that people used when things were going their way, or when they wanted something. "Please bless me, lord." "We were so blessed by the sermon." "It's a blessing that everyone survived." Their tunes would change when they didn't get the form of blessing they'd wished for. Sometimes, they were given a curse that they would ignore, criticize and wish for something else. I wasn't a blessing. I was the curse.

"So, Dean tells me you're going to be joining us for Thanksgiving," Sarah said, breaking into my thoughts.

"Um, yeah, if that's okay?" I said, not sure how they felt about a stranger attending a family holiday.

"Absolutely," she answered. It didn't escape my notice that she didn't ask about my parents minding, which made it obvious that Dean had clued his parents into my dysfunctional family.

Sarah peppered me with questions on the drive to the mall. The questions were superficial and light, but went a long way toward putting me at ease. By the time she was pulling into a parking spot in front of Dillard's, she knew my favorite color, favorite band, least favorite class and the food that made me want to hurl. I couldn't remember a time when someone had taken an active interest in me, besides Dean, let alone, took the time to ask me silly questions. A strange warmth spread through me and I couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corner of my mouth.

"Okay, so I thought we would hit the junior's section here and pick up a few things. After that, we can hit the smaller stores like Aeropostale, Pac Sun and Hollister. I'm thinking maybe we'll steer clear of Hot Topic this time around," she said, taking in my black clothing. "How does that sound?"

"Good," I said, not entirely sure. I wanted new clothes, but I also didn't want to come out looking like a Popular decked out in all trendy brands, and I definitely didn't want anything pink.

"Don't worry. We'll stay away from any clothes that are a walking endorsement for the store. Anything that we get will have the store's name discreetly hidden on the tag, where it should be," she said, linking her arm through mine.

Looking down at our linked arms, I thought about pulling away. She was obviously invading my personal space, my free zone. But I didn't pull away. Because somewhere deep down in a space I thought I'd buried, she had found one of my most secret desires. Sure, I'd always dreamed that it would be Donna who would want to walk arm and arm with me through a store, but for the moment, I almost felt normal. Almost.

Sarah released my arm once we reached the junior's section as she began to pull clothes from multiple racks that she claimed I would look gorgeous in. I felt she was being generous with her compliments, but I was relieved that she was selecting items that were in dark shades of plum, grey and brown.

"Before I get to out of control, do you have a certain budget you want to stay in? I, of course, plan on getting you a couple of things too," she said, turning to me with her arms loaded down.

"No," I said in a higher voice than I intended, horrified at the thought of her buying me anything. "Really, I don't have a budget. I have more than four years of Christmas and birthday money sitting in my checking account," I added calmly. "But thanks for the offer," I said, going for what I hoped was a normal voice.

"Honey, buying things is what I do. Much to Tim's dismay," she said with a mischievous smile. "Why don't you go try these on and we'll supplement what we're missing?"

I looked down, shocked by the armload of clothes she was holding. Supplement what we were missing? It looked like she was carrying half the store in her arms.

She laughed at my expression. "I'm a born shopper," she clarified.

"I guess so," I said, shouldering the stack she handed me. "Um, I'll be back in a while," I added, taking in the overwhelming pile.