Forever Changed

“Oh honey, that's fine. I really didn’t expect you back until Monday.”

So, she was pissed about me missing cheerleading, huh? I thought. God, Lacey is such a bitch.

Ms. Hanson’s kindness made me almost regret the decision I had made the night before, but I knew it was for the best.

“Actually, Ms. Hanson, I want to step down from the squad.”

“What?” she squawked in disbelief. “The season's almost over. I though you wanted a cheerleading scholarship?”

“I just won’t have the time. My family needs me right now. Plus, I kind of need a break from all the drama.”

She sighed at my words. “Girls,” she muttered, looking out beyond the door behind me. “Are you sure?” she asked, looking back at me.

I nodded as tears welled up at the thought of losing something else important in my life. Cheerleading had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember. “I’m sure,” I said, swallowing hard.

She nodded her consent and wrapped me in a tight hug. “We’ll miss you. You’ve been the best captain this school has had in years.”

"Thanks," I nodded as I turned to leave.

“Kassandra?’

“Yeah?”

“Don’t let them get to you. I'm here if you have any trouble.”

“I won’t,” I said, walking out the door without saying a word to the girls who I had spent half my life hanging out with.

Rumors of Kassandra quitting the cheerleading squad spread like wildfire throughout the school, along with the fact that she was on the outs with some of her friends. It must suck to have everyone

in your business, but I guess that was the price of popularity in this school. Of course, everyone had an opinion. Those that resented the more popular crowd gloated like they had won some sort of war or something. Then, there were others who were sucking up to Lacey for some reason, like maybe this was their chance to get close? I didn't get it. All I could think about was Kassandra and the fact that her so-called friends could be so shitty when she needed them the most. Their lack of loyalty made me want to smack the smug looks from their faces.

As the days passed, I would catch glimpses of Kassandra in the hallways from one class to the next. She rarely talked, and I never saw her smile. Much to my annoyance, Colton was the one friend who seemed to stand by her, and I often saw them eating lunch together under the big pine trees in the courtyard. They never seemed to talk much, but Kassandra at least seemed happier when she was with him. I was grudgingly grateful to him for sticking by her.

October flowed into November and November faded into December. Kassandra seemed to withdraw further into her shell until eventually, even her lunches with Colton ended. She was like a leaf in the wind that just slowly floated away.

School lost its luster for me as I slowly faded into the background, shutting myself off from everyone. Colton stuck by me, but seemed to be dealing with his own personal demons.

Leaving the cheerleading squad was the catalyst that separated my old life from my new life. I had to endure Lacey’s snarky remarks for weeks, but I became the queen at biting my tongue and keeping my retorts to myself. Acknowledging her would have only made her believe she was more important than she really was.

November was tough, celebrating our first family holiday without my dad. We wound up going to Cracker Barrel for Thanksgiving since my mom wasn’t up to fixing her traditional spread. The meal was okay, but nowhere near as good as what we were used to. I was relieved to finally put the day behind us, but worried about making it through Christmas. It was Dad's favorite holiday.

Megan and I continued to grow close, spending all of our non-school hours together. Even though she still wasn't talking, I learned she was more engaging than the girls I had shunned her for. I began to look forward to the time we spent together, while continuing to withdraw further and further from the school life I had once loved. Afraid that my sullen attitude was bringing Colton down with me, I eventually pulled away from him, choosing to eat my lunches in the library so he could start to integrate himself back in with our group without me holding him back.

By December tenth, three months after my father’s accident, the oppressiveness of school began to weigh on me. The walls felt as if they closing in, and I found myself daydreaming into the chalkboard at the front of the room, completely tuning out the teachers. The first month of my return to school, the teachers treated me with kid gloves and pretty much left me alone, but by the second month, their patience began to wear thin. Most of them tried to break through the shell I had enclosed myself in, but at this point, I was sick of the attention. I almost preferred the indifferent stance my ex-friends had shown.

“Ms. Cole, can you answer the question?” an impatient voice demanded, jerking me out of my trance.

“What?” I asked, trying to focus on Mr. Mathews’ sarcastic face.

“I wanted to know if you can answer the question from the textbook,” he said impatiently.

“Um, what problem?” I asked confused, looking down at my math book that I hadn’t bothered to open.

“Oh, forgive me, Ms. Cole. I didn't realize we were disturbing you. Perhaps you would actually like to participate now?” he asked in a biting tone.

“Not particularly,” I muttered, not appreciating his attempt to shame me in front of the class. He’d been doing it to students for years, and had the reputation of being a complete jerk. When I was on the squad, he’d pretty much left me alone since it was rumored he had the hots for Ms. Hanson. He's been riding me the last few months once it became common knowledge I was no longer cheerleading. I’d been good up to now about letting his sarcastic remarks roll off my back, but I had enough now.

My response made several students around me snicker and look at me appraisingly. It had been weeks since they’d heard a peep out of me and they were intrigued to hear my voice again.