Losing Leah

“Tell her I said hi,” I answered sarcastically.

At one time the living room had been the life force of the house, with pictures of babies and toddlers littering the walls. The furniture was sturdy and perfect for making forts. That was when the room was filled with love.

After Leah’s disappearance Mom cleaned out the room in a rampage, ripping out everything, including the flooring. The shag carpet was replaced with cold slabs of tile. Stark white paint covered up the bright yellow walls along with all the holes from the pictures that were taken down. The furniture was replaced with stiff chairs and furnishings that no longer welcomed children.

I remember at that time overhearing Mom weeping on the phone to my aunt Cindy that Leah’s doll, Daisy, had been found. The authorities no longer believed that Leah was alive. I was so confused and too young to understand the true gravity of what had happened. I knew my heart ached and that I missed my sister, but wouldn’t I have felt it if my twin was gone? We’d shared a special connection. I couldn’t believe that she was truly gone.

“You should tell Mom and Dad how bad the headaches are getting,” Jacob said as we climbed into his car. “Maybe they need to change your medication.”

“It wasn’t all that bad,” I lied, polishing off my Pop-Tarts and taking a big swig of chocolate milk. I neglected to mention that it was my second severe one in three days. That was a need-to-know info drop and Jacob definitely didn’t need to know.

Stopping at the corner of our str

eet, he looked at me with his signature glare of annoyance. “Puh-lease. How dumb do you think I am? Two nights ago I find you passed out on the floor. Maybe you’re not aware of this but normal headaches don’t do that. Look, I let the matter slide yesterday because I got home late from wrestling practice, but now this is some serious shit, Mia.”

“Maybe I like to sleep on the floor,” I said dryly, looking out the window. I wondered what he would say if he knew the truth. He knew about the headaches, but nothing about the darkness that came with them that always terrified me. I didn’t want him to think I was crazy, and I definitely didn’t want him to tell Mom or Dad. They were just headaches. That’s all. A small part of me wished they were more though. When I was little I believed they were a bond between Leah and me. I knew it was silly but I felt the headaches connected me to her.

“Mia?”

“Jacob, I’m fine. Can we just drop it, please?” I pleaded, imploring him with my eyes.

I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to press harder. He took a deep breath, reaching over to pat my knee. “Sure, Mia, we can drop it.” Jacob was overly protective where I was concerned. “Do you need a ride to the football game tonight?” he asked, pulling into the student parking lot.

“Um, maybe,” I said, opening my car door. “Luke has to be there early and Amber has practice before the game. I might just stay after school though. I can always spend the time studying in the library.”

“Sounds good. Just let me know, okay? Valerie wants to double, but I don’t want to commit if you need me.”

I took my backpack from him and slung it over my back. “You should tell her yes. I don’t mind staying after.”

“And I don’t mind giving you a ride,” he returned, jumping ahead to open the door for me as we approached the entrance of the school.

“I know you don’t, but seriously, it’s okay. I like Valerie. You should come hang out with us,” I added. “Luke and I are doubling with Amber and Anthony after the game.” I stepped around a couple making out just inside the door. The hallway was loud and chaotic just the way I liked it. Jacob made a face at my invitation. “What—you don’t like Anthony?”

He shrugged. “Not particularly. He used to be on the wrestling team until he got all pretty and became a lifeguard,” he said with disgust.

I chuckled, wondering if I should share what I had learned yesterday about Anthony and his pecs. The first bell rang. “Oops, I better go,” I said, shoving the last of my Pop-Tart into my mouth. I’d have to tell him about Anthony’s waxing routine later.

I ended up declining Jacob’s invitation for a ride that afternoon. Instead I spent my time in the library working on my statistics homework. The library emptied out quickly after seventh period, but Miss Nelson, the librarian, knew me well and didn’t mind that I stayed. She always hung around until after five anyway. Eventually, I trudged through my statistics homework and jumped on one of the computers to research a paper I had due in world history, but I couldn’t bring myself to concentrate any further. The nagging feeling that I always seemed to struggle with began to dominate my thoughts again. My fingers danced curiously over the keyboard before typing the words “twin bonds” into the search engine.

The screen finished loading, displaying multiple search results. I clicked on the first link, not sure of what I was looking for. Was I trying to prove that my pain was actually Leah’s? Could she feel anything about me? Maybe I was going crazy or at the very least I was being selfish. Leah had most likely died ten years ago and I was blaming her for my unexplained headaches. But what if Leah wasn’t dead? What if she was just a regular girl going to school somewhere, living her life without having ever known that she had been abducted? I let the fantasy play out in my head for a few minutes. Maybe Leah was a cheerleader or goth, or maybe she was a brain like me.

Unfortunately, reality was harsh, and the fact of the matter was that if Leah were alive somewhere there would likely be nothing normal about her. She would know she was taken. If she could she would have reached out to us. Something in my heart told me Leah would do everything in her power to get to us. If she were free to do so.

There was no scenario that wasn’t depressing to consider. Without clicking on any other links, I shut down the computer. Whatever answers I was searching for wouldn’t come from the internet. I gathered up my things and waved at Miss Nelson before heading out. I figured I would go to the football field early to watch the players warm up and enjoy the last rays of sun. It would suck when daylight savings time ended. It never felt right for the sun to set by six. My favorite time of year was the summer months when the sun would shine until after eight every night.

My shoes slapped against the floor as I walked, echoing off the empty walls in the hallway. The noise was eerie. I picked up my pace, wishing the library wasn’t at the far end of the building. I rounded the corner, relieved to be nearly outside. With all the lights off, every empty classroom I passed was darker than I was comfortable with. The sun may have still been out, but it was no longer shining on the side of the building where I was at. My eyes stared straight ahead, avoiding the long shadows in the classrooms cast by the furnishings. It felt silly to be afraid of the dark at sixteen years old, but my headaches had manifested the dark into something frightening.

Making my way past the science labs, a sudden noise coming from one of the rooms caused me to jump and I nearly dropped my bag. “Hello,” I called out, clutching my heaving chest. If someone was trying to frighten me, I was prepared to lay them out. I was short, but tough. Jacob had been giving me self-defense lessons for years. I could put someone twice my size on their ass.

A faint scratching from the far corner of the room was the only response to my greeting. I stepped closer, peering as far into the room as I could without actually going inside. The darkness was heavy and impenetrable. I backed away slowly, pausing suddenly when it looked for a moment like the shadows moved. I stood like a statue. “Is anybody there?” I asked, getting no response.

Blinking my eyes, I focused on the spot I thought had moved when all of a sudden the shadows appeared to rise from the floor. They gathered together into one giant mass, moving toward me. I tried to turn and run, but my feet refused to respond. My brain literally screamed inside my head to move, and yet I remained frozen. The darkness slithered toward me like a snake, void of any light. A scream clawed its way up my throat as terror held me in place.

Move, a voice shrieked in my mind. I clamped my eyes closed, expecting the darkness to suck me in as it moved closer and closer. My heart roared in my eardrums like a freight train. Move, my mind shrieked again.

I forced my eyes open to find that the darkness had disappeared back into the shadows of the classroom. I blinked again to be sure, working to catch my breath as my chest pounded. “Nice going, you dork,” I said, chastising myself. I couldn’t believe I allowed my imagination to get the better of me. They were only shadows.

After a few more deep breaths, I was able to get my heartbeat back under control. I whirled around, anxious to get outside in the light and away from the dark classrooms. Everything inside me wanted to turn and look over my shoulder as I hurried down the hallway, but I fought the urge. It felt like a million eyes were on me, all whispering as I passed.