My cheeks heated up again, but for a different reason. He told me I had a beautiful voice. I didn’t even know that was a thing.
Gunner guided me off the elevator, directing us toward a sign for the stairs. “Um, where are we going?” I finally thought to ask as he had me pull the heavy door open. It didn’t escape my attention that a week ago I would have struggled with it.
His grip on my arm tightened as his feet navigated the stairs. I held on to the railing in case he stumbled. “It’s a surprise.”
I grinned. I liked his surprises.
We traveled up two flights of stairs that surprisingly left Gunner more winded than I was. I wrapped my hand around his arm, helping him up the remaining step. It made me want to break our pact and ask him why he was at the hospital, but I resisted. We had decided while getting to know each other that we wouldn’t ask the hard questions. He didn’t ask anything about my past and I didn’t question why he was in the hospital. Over the last week I noticed I was visibly getting stronger while Gunner’s health seemed to be declining. My hope was that he would decide on his own to tell me the truth.
As we reached the final step we came upon a final sign that read ROOF ACCESS. Gunner recovered quickly, urging me toward the door. Unsure what to expect, I pushed the door open with my shoulder and was blinded instantly by brilliant sunlight. Squinting in the bright light, I cautiously led Gunner out the door.
It took my eyes a few minutes to adjust, but once they did I couldn’t help feeling awed by the sight. I turned in slow circles, trying to take everything in. Gunner and I had ventured outside several times to hang out on the bench where we’d first met. We called it our spot. The problem was it was dwarfed by the buildings and trees and parking lots around it. Here on the roof though there was nothing but openness. The hospital was taller than the other buildings around it so the view was completely unobstructed for miles in every direction.
I stood in the middle of the roof with my arms spread out. The wind was stronger than it was on the ground. It blew through my hair, whipping it around my face, and pulled and tugged at my body. I tilted my head back so the sun could soak my face with its bright rays. This is what freedom felt like. I wished I could bottle the feeling. I would carry it with me forever.
Gunner had done this for me. Somehow he had figured out how to show me the world without actually stepping foot into it. It was my opportunity to try the world on for size before I was forced to jump in. He had given me the best gift I had ever received.
23
TWO FOLDING chairs and a small insulated bag sat off to the side of the door. Inside the bag were a couple of Cokes and two Reese’s cups. I didn’t ask how he had managed to pull that off. Gunner had a way of getting others to help him without question. He’d even thought to bring binoculars so I could see the houses miles away. Together we stayed on the roof until the sun began to set.
“Thank you for all of this,” I said warmly. Gunner turned his face toward me at my words. “You’ve made these last couple of weeks bearable,” I admitted. “You made me feel like less of a freak.” The words were stilted and came out in an uneven cadence.
Gunner sighed
dramatically. “Well, it’s been tough, but if I’m going to give Mother Teresa a run for her money, I need to be kind to all.”
“Even the freaks,” I added.
He chucked a rolled piece of his candy wrapper at me. Even though he was blind he was able to throw it with pinpoint accuracy as it bounced off my head. “Don’t be a jerk. It’s rude to call my friend a freak. Besides, it should be me thanking you. It’s been amazing to share in all of your firsts. You made me feel like I could see again.”
“Did you call me a jerk?” I asked, tossing my own wrapper at him. Ironically it missed him by a mile.
He smiled bluntly. “I call it like I see it. You’re no freak, Mia.” He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “You don’t know this, but I was a little pissed at the world when I was forced to check into this luxury spa again. Then you showed up and gave me something else to focus on. You made me remember a crucial thing I’d forgotten.”
My heart tripped at his words. This was the closest we had come to discussing why he was here. “And what is that?” I asked.
He wrapped his fingers around mine, tracing his thumb over the top of my hand. “Appreciation. To stop cursing at fate and be thankful for everything I’ve been given. I was so pissed over the cards I’d been dealt and then I met you. Timid Mia who wasn’t even sure what name to claim. Mia who had endured more struggle than most people would ever know.”
His statement made me uncomfortable. I tugged at my hand, not liking where the conversation was headed. Gunner held on tightly for a moment before releasing me. “Don’t run away, Mia. I’ve waited all week to tell you this. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know you don’t think so. I can practically feel your self-doubts radiating off you. In a world filled with people who cry over the most insignificant, trivial things, there’s you. You don’t have to tell me what you went through. You’re entitled to that small measure of privacy. I want you to know though that I think you are the bravest person I’ve ever met and you’ve helped me more than I could ever help you.”
I opened my mouth to argue. He was crazy. He’d done so much for me over the last week. Didn’t he see that?
Before I could utter the words he continued speaking. “Mia, the truth is my head is playing host to a pesky tumor. I’ve been dealing with it for years, but it’s now decided to try to take over. I was so scared before. I put on an act, pretended to be brave. A cheerful front was easier than wearing my fear like a badge. I was terrified of an afterlife or a lack thereof. Whatever the case may be. But I’m not afraid of dying anymore. You gave me that.”
His words were like a knife to the heart. I even looked down at my chest expecting to see crimson gushing like a fountain. My wound was buried deep inside, hidden from the naked eye. No one could tell that I was hemorrhaging pain. I’d obviously known that Gunner was sick. Why else would he be in a hospital. I guess I just hoped that like me, he was here to get better.
My eyes welled up. I blinked furiously, willing the moisture to stay where it belonged. “I don’t want you to die.” My voice was a trembling mess. “Can’t they fix you?”
Gunner reached for my hand again now that he knew I wasn’t going to bolt. “They’re going to try. It’s risky though. Tumors are tricky and they’re not sure they can get all the tentacles that are wrapped around my brain.” He was trying to make light of the situation for my benefit, but I could hear and feel his fear.
I was stunned into silence. He was sick. Really sick. It wasn’t fair. We had just become friends. I didn’t want to lose him.
“Don’t worry. I’ll still be able to beat you at checkers for a while.”
I nodded even though I was well aware of the fact that he couldn’t see me.
We were both somber as we headed inside when the nighttime chill bullied us from the roof. It took us twice as long to make it down the stairs. Gunner didn’t have the energy he had earlier in the day. I now saw what I’d been so unwilling to admit before. I insisted that he put his arm around me, so I could bear the brunt of his weight.