Concern colored Jacob’s face.
I smiled meekly to show him that everything was okay.
My smile must have been convincing enough because he hesitantly agreed. “Sure. I guess it’s a little overwhelming.”
I nodded, grateful that he understood.
Jacob leaned in, whispering names into my ear so I would know who everyone was from a distance. I would never remember all of their names but I appreciated the effort. Finally, a group of guys standing at the opposite corner of the patio called him over.
“Go. I’ll be fine,” I said, encouraging him with a shove of my shoulder. I was eager to have a moment to myself.
He looked torn. “Seriously, it’s okay, Jacob. I’ll just stay here and observe everything.”
“I didn’t bring you here to abandon you. Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”
I shook my head. “I’d rather stay here.”
“Mia, if you’re uncomfortable I can take you home.”
“No, I’m fine,” I lied, trying to appease him.
I could tell he still had his doubts so I gave him another little shove toward his friends.
“All right,” he grudgingly agreed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
I nodded, taking a sip of my Coke. With Jacob gone, I scooted away from our spot in the open, moving toward the shadows on the other side of a small changing room. I felt instant relief under the camouflage of darkness. Observing everyone would be much easier without worrying whether they could see me.
A few minutes passed and Jacob hadn’t returned like he promised, but I couldn’t blame him. From my vantage point, I could see him laughing and talking animatedly with a group of five guys. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I envied the ease of their interaction.
Several minutes later, I was still standing in the shadows with my soda finished. I twirled the empty can in my hand, wishing I was brave enough to get another. A couple of girls stopped along the wall adjacent to where I stood. They began a conversation, unaware of my close proximity. They spoke with such confidence and self-assurance. I felt slightly intimidated so I backed farther into the shadows to make sure they wouldn’t see me. Both girls were dressed nearly identically in long, bright, strapless dresses that flowed around their ankles. Their hair was shiny light blond with streaks of vibrant purple at the temples. I wondered if they dressed alike on purpose. They could have been related. It made me think of Mia. If she were real, I think we would have dressed alike.
I debated stepping forward to join their conversation. After all, the whole reason Jacob had brought me to the party was to meet people before I started school on Monday.
I took a half step forward, pausing when I caught their hushed conversation.
“I heard she was, like, tied to the bed, covered in her own crap,” one of them said.
“Yuck. TMI, Patricia. My dad says the woman who took her was a real whack job. After going through something like that does anyone really think Mia will ever be normal? I’m surprised she can even hang out in public, you know?”
I cemented myself to the wall, unable to retreat or to confront them. I stood there listening to a conversation that everyone at the party was likely having about me. Deep down I had been expecting it.
“Truth. Did you see her when they got here? She looked like she wanted to cry. It’s obvious she’s one step from the loony bin already. I totally feel bad for her,” Patricia said.
The other girl nodded her head in agreement.
“I don’t even know how she can go to school. I’d be so humiliated. I once saw this movie where this little girl was, like, forced to raise herself in the woods, and when they finally found her she couldn’t even function and stuff. She was like a wild animal.”
“That sucks. I don’t even know what to say to her. I mean, do we, like, congratulate her for being rescued or whatever?”
They both chuckled slightly at the idea.
“Don’t ask me. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure it’s any more fair for us than it is for her. I mean, should we be subjected to that kind of crazy?”
I couldn’t take anymore. Forcing my feet to move, I scooted along the side of the wall, keeping the shadows in front of me to remain hidden. I didn’t want to expose them to my “kind of crazy” a second longer. I was so intent on putting distance between us that I wasn’t paying attention to where I placed my feet. The ground disappeared beneath my right foot, making me lose my balance.
I tumbled sideways into the pool. The water rushed over my head and my only thought was that I had no idea how to swim. Water pulled at my clothes, dragging me away from the surface and down to the bottom of the pool. I pawed at the water for a moment, but went nowhere. All noise from the party evaporated, replaced by blissful silence. I could hear the pounding of my heart. I stopped pawing at the water. It was peaceful beneath the surface. Nothing harmful could reach me under the water. There were no judging looks, no misguided condescension, but, best of all, I wasn’t disappointing anyone. I never wanted to leave. I stopped fighting as I allowed the water to pull me farther down toward the bottom of the pool where I found the darkness I craved. It was glad to see me.
26