He nodded.
"Oh, okay. Cool." I pushed the door open when he unlocked it, and he popped the trunk before stepping out of the car. He took my backpack out and handed it to me, smiling when I hefted it over one shoulder.
"Tell your mom I said hello."
"I will," I murmured. “See you later.”
He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder before I could get away. "I'm only a phone call away if you ever need me, little one. Just know you can talk to me whenever you need to."
"I'll pass," I joked, and a faint smile graced his lips. I turned my back to him and walked away before he could notice how bothered I truly was. "Thanks for the late lunch," I called over my shoulder. "It was awesome."
"Anytime, Kandy Cane."
He said that silly nickname again, only this time, I didn't just feel the tingle in the pit of my belly. I felt it between my thighs, on my bare neck, and on my full lips. I felt it everywhere I shouldn't have.
I reached the door and watched Cane drive away. I watched until I could no longer see him and then I went inside.
Mom was on a call in the kitchen, so I kissed her cheek as she patted my head, and then I went up to my room, shutting the door behind me, tossing my bag on the recliner, and flopping facedown on my bed.
I thought about Cane and Kelly—how he would greet her when he walked through her door. How he would probably kiss her, so passionately her toes would curl in her tall stilettos. How they would eat dinner and drink wine together, and he'd tell her it was a great meal. They'd hold hands and chat for a while, and then afterwards, they'd fuck on the table or in her kitchen.
Thinking about it made my heart ache in indescribable ways. And before I could process what I was feeling, I realized I was crying. I cried softly, for less than five minutes, and then I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, realizing I didn't just have a crush on Mr. Cane anymore.
I had fallen hard for him, and it hurt so much to want a man I couldn't have.
5
KANDY
May 14th, 2017
Hey diary!
It’s been a while since I last wrote to you!! Well, I guess it makes sense. I only write here when Cane comes around. It’s weird, I know. Kinda sucks too, because I feel like I’m using you to vent. lol! I guess that’s the point of having you. Writing here also makes me feel good.
Anyway, let me fill you in about what happened today. So, I got out of school and Cane was waiting for me. It was kind of embarrassing because I felt like, literally, EVERYONE was staring at me, but now that I think about it, I don’t know why I cared so much. He’s really hot, and I want some of the girls to know that I get to hang out with a guy like him. Maybe they’ll think I’m cooler somehow? I don’t know. I guess that’s dumb. I’m a senior now and have a one-year ride to Notre Dame. I shouldn’t care that much about popularity anymore. Dad says I should be super proud of myself and all I’ve accomplished!
Okay – I’m getting off track. So, Cane picked me up and took me to a late lunch for seafood because Mom and Dad had to work late. The food was UH-MAZING and we shared nice conversations. I always feel so good around him. We could have stayed there longer, talked forever, but of course Kelly called and ruined everything.
He had to go to her…and ugh. I don’t know… It kind of hurt to know he was leaving me for her. Why does it feel this way? I shouldn’t care that he goes to her, right? She is his girlfriend and I’m just Kandy to him. Plus, he’s my dad’s only real friend. Dad loves him like family. Shouldn’t I love him like family, too? My heart shouldn’t pound so hard whenever he’s near me. I shouldn’t like him or have this whopping crush on him.
Ugh.
This sucks.
Not going to lie, I cried earlier, right before coming to you and writing this. My heart hurts. It hurts because it’s longing for the wrong things. I wish I didn’t feel this way about him.
I think about Cane so much and I want him soooo bad…but I know that I can’t have him. He doesn’t want me. To him, I’m just a little girl. His best friend’s daughter. He wouldn’t even bother.
Talk later,
Kandy
6
KANDY
Despite my feelings for him, I couldn’t fail to appreciate Cane for all he did for my parents and me.
I loved the little trips he would plan—well, I think he’d planned them. He had an assistant he talked about often, who he mentioned maintained his schedule and booked his personal appointments, like the massages he got every Thursday. I remembered because I’d always wanted to get a massage.