I sighed. “I don’t want us to wake up.”
He blinked slowly and looked away. By the wrinkles that’d formed on his forehead and around his eyes, I could tell he was thinking about something he shouldn’t have been. He finally looked at me again, pushing up on one hand. “Let’s shower and watch a movie. Any movie you want.”
I grinned, but didn’t ignore his sudden change of conversation. Now wasn’t the time, I knew that. So I nodded. “That sounds fun.”
We took a hot shower, and in there, I dropped to my knees and sucked his beautiful cock until he came again. I couldn’t get enough of him, and I’m sure he couldn’t get enough of me either. I loved the way he tasted—the way he felt in my mouth. I loved when he stroked my hair and looked down at me with soft eyes, his mouth slightly parted, like he was weak for me—would always be weak for me, and had no control over that. I loved everything about this man. I wanted to please him in every way possible.
We dressed in comfortable clothes and went downstairs to his living room to watch a movie. I picked an action movie and, I don’t know what exactly triggered the sensation, but I was instantly reminded of Dad. We’d watched this exact movie together before.
The thought of my dad made me want to cry, and as if Cane sensed it, he tipped my chin and forced me to look at him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.” His face was stern, as well as his voice. “What are you thinking about?”
I pressed my lips together, twisting my fingers around each other in my lap. “Dad.”
He blinked down at me but I looked away before I could see the guilt sweep over him and cloud his eyes. My bottom lip trembled, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.
I cried.
I cried because this weekend was so perfect and real and amazing.
I cried because, after tomorrow, it would be over and I wouldn’t have Cane to myself anymore.
I cried because I loved Cane so very much, but I loved my dad too. I didn’t want to hurt my father, so I knew sacrifices had to be made, and as if Cane knew it too, he pulled me to his chest, stroked my hair, kissed the top of my head, and cooed to me. “It will be okay, Kandy Cane. I promise, you’ll be okay. You’ll get over me soon and everything will be fine.”
But he didn’t know that. He had no damn clue. I would be broken without him. Something would be missing—a piece of myself would be forever lost unless we connected again.
We wanted each other so badly, but our love for my dad outweighed those desires. Our love for him was the reason this weekend would only happen once in our lives. We couldn’t risk ruining our reality, and we also didn’t want to lose each other. In order for that to happen, a change had to be made. I could want him all I wanted, but I couldn’t have him. He was never going to be mine.
That was my reality, no matter how much it hurt me to know.
He knew it and I knew it…so no, I wouldn’t be okay.
42
CANE
As hard as it was to do, we ate our last breakfast in paradise together then took our time packing up and putting our bags in the car.
I wasn’t ready to go, but I knew I had to get her home. I’d called Derek, and he told me he would be back the next day and I was their ride from the airport. The sooner I had Kandy home and safe, the better.
On the way back, our fingers were entwined, the wind running through my hair and stirring her brown strands up. I had the windows down, the sunroof peeled back, both of us wearing sunglasses while French Montana and Jeremih sang about the unforgettable to an island club beat. It was the best I’d ever felt, sitting in that car beside her, with her hand in mine.
With every passing minute, my heart ached, knowing I’d have to let her go for good. Going back to reality was going to be hard, but this was life, and unfortunately, my life was never fucking easy.
As bad as I felt, I was glad that it was me she was going through this with and not some other man. I had the small comfort that her first time had been safe and consensual, and I knew she’d gotten pleasure from it. A lot of women couldn’t say the same.
I knew I wasn’t going to get over her, but at this point I had no choice but to try to let go. It was going to be a tough battle—internal warfare—but letting go of love was something I’d done before. I’d done it repeatedly with my mother and sister.