“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I confessed, my tone abrupt.
He took a step toward me. “What made you come here?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Stupidity, maybe? Recklessness?” I huffed a laugh, looking up at him. His eyes burned with sincerity, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“You can be pretty reckless,” he chuckled. He was in front of me now. “If you weren’t ready, you didn’t have to come, Kandy. You don’t have to be here just to make me happy.”
“Weren’t you the one who told me that love can be selfish sometimes?”
His eyebrows inclined. Confusion.
“I made a stupid, selfish decision by coming here, right back to you,” I said, and he winced a bit, “but…there isn’t a minute that goes by that I’m not thinking about you, Cane. I just hope I don’t regret it later.”
His face softened.
“Some loves are a once-in-a-lifetime thing,” I went on. “I don’t want ours to be something I have to bury.”
“Good.” His smile was so sweet. “Me neither.”
“But if I’m here, Cane, you can’t hold anything back from me anymore. You have to promise me that you’ll be completely open and honest from now on. No more surprises. Next time some shit goes down, I want to be prepared…and I’m sure there will be a next time.” He nodded and was about to bring his hands up to hold my waist, but I held my hand up just as quickly, taking a step away. “Promise me. I want to hear you say it.”
“I promise I will let you know everything, Kandy. No more lies. No more secrets. I am an open book.”
I watched his eyes, the desperation burning deep within them, but there was one question that’d been bothering me since the accident had happened. “Did you know Kelly was coming to your house that day?”
“I had no idea. The last time I’d spoken to her, I told her to stay away from me.”
I swallowed hard. “And…El Jefe?”
He dropped his head. “He hasn’t shown up yet…but I’m sure he’ll come.”
“When?”
“I don’t know, Kandy.”
I used my palm to rub my forehead. “Do you think I should go back home until he makes an appearance?”
“I hate saying it, but I think that by now, he knows everything about you. I’m sure word about the case has gotten to him. He probably knows every detail. He studies those kinds of things before he strikes, just to be ahead of others.”
“Strikes? What does that even mean? That he’ll attack you?”
His throat bobbed before he answered. “I don’t know what he’ll do, Kandy, but one thing I know for sure is that I’m an asset to him. He needs me too much to do anything stupid or hurt anyone I care about.”
I dropped my line of vision, focusing on the floor instead. “H-have you ever killed anyone?”
“No.” He blinked hard, forehead creasing. “But I have come close to doing it before. Twice.”
“How close?” I looked up.
“So close that Lora had to stop me before I pulled the trigger.”
“Who were you about to kill?”
Cane’s eyes glistened as he studied my face. “One time, it was some idiot who was fucking with Lora. I didn’t use a gun on him, just beat him really bad, to the point he could have died. The other time, it was Buck, and I pulled his own gun on him.”
The tightness in my chest loosened just a bit, but not much. My heart was still pounding. I suppose I should have seen that one coming. He hated his dad.
I turned and slouched down on the bed, running my hands over my face. “This is so crazy,” I muttered into my hands.
“Is it really that crazy to be with me?”
“From all the red flags I’ve seen and what my dad told me, a lot of people would say it is! I’m just trying not to let it overshadow how I feel about you. I want to be with you, Cane, I do—but I don’t want to get hurt again.”
Cane’s eyebrows pulled together. “What did Derek tell you?”
I leaned back on my palms. “How you two really met—the things you did as a teenager. The fight you got into while saving Lora from some guy. How you worked for a man named Horacio and sold drugs for him.”
Cane shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What he said must change the way you look at me…”
“No. The day I got stabbed by your psychotic ex-girlfriend is when I changed the way I looked at you.”
“Why? Because you finally snapped out of the fantasy and realized that I wasn’t perfect?” he demanded. “Newsflash, Kandy, I have never been fucking perfect, and I told you that many times.”
“I know you haven’t, Cane!” I countered. “But I was in so much denial because I love you that much! I didn’t want the man I loved to be a fucking criminal!”