Until the Last Breath

I’d ripped the envelope open and read it right away.

Shakes,

So, while you were sleeping and I was monitoring your breathing, I was watching this sappy-ass movie about a chick who is heartbroken over some guy, and how some other guy cares deeply for her, but she doesn’t know it. He wrote her a poem and stuck it in her mailbox and left his name, and she really appreciated it. I thought it was kinda cool how he won her over with that—not that I’m trying to win you over or anything. And not that this is a poem, but…yeah. It’s something. I know you’re a word girl, so I thought I’d give it a shot too. Check it out…

People come and go.

Sometimes they leave us sooner than we’d like them to.

They may be gone, and yes, it will hurt at first, but the memories will never fade.

They will be there when you need them most.

During the darkest of hours, in the sanctity of time.

That’s what we as people should hold onto; the joy we shared. The life we created. The countless memories.

Because those memories can be powerful, and they can last infinitely.

You might think it’s kinda shitty, but it took me HOURS to come up with so you better enjoy the hell out of every word. Frame it if you have to. LOL.

Love you, Little Shakes.

Max

Thinking about the letter brings tears to my eyes. Hell, when I had first read it, I was a blubbering mess, but when I think of it now, it makes me smile. Max never realized just how thoughtful he was.

When I hear the bathroom door open behind me, I blink my tears away and smooth down my dress.

“Babe?” John’s deep voice fills the room.

I glance over my shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Has Tessa called to let you know she’s ready yet?”

“Not yet.”

John is quiet a moment, but I can feel his gaze on my back. His footsteps are quiet as he steps behind me, and I reach back, grabbing hold of his hand, entwining our fingers, and placing his palm on my belly.

“What’s bothering you?” he murmurs in my ear. “Is it the baby?”

“No,” I breathe, breaking into a full smile. “Not at all. She’s fine.” I turn in his arms to look up at him.

“Tell me what it is,” he pleads, his hands going to my waist.

“I was just thinking about…well, I know you get really tired of me bringing him up.” I force a laugh, dropping my gaze to his black tie. “I just think Max would have really loved this place.”

John smiles, his head tilting, and then he wraps me in his arms, sighing in my hair. It’s not as easy as it used to be to hug him. This six-month belly of mine stands in the way now, a clear reminder that this little girl inside me will cause a big change in our lives.

“I don’t get tired of you talking about him, Shannon,” my husband says. He releases me, and when we’re face to face again, he plants a soft, warm kiss on my forehead.

“I know he’s happy for you right now. He was a good guy, I know. Don’t think you can’t talk about him with me because you can. I’m here for you. I know how much he meant to you.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” I ask in a quiet voice.

“Not at all.”

“But that night when I snuck out of the hospital room to see him…you weren’t upset about that?”

“No. I knew where you were. I saw that empty bed and knew exactly where you had gone. Getting your final words in with him was personal and I had no right holding you back from that. You knew him the most.”

I’m so glad to hear this. John and I hardly talk about that night. After I came back to the room with puffy eyes and a runny nose, he didn’t say anything. He just helped me get back into bed and stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

He knew where I’d been. He knew there wasn’t much he could say or do because it wasn’t going to make a difference.

All he could do was be there for me, and I’m so grateful that he was. He’s an incredible husband, despite having a sometimes-shitty wife. To this day, I still don’t feel like I deserve him.

The hotel phone rings on the nightstand. It’s most likely Tessa calling. John pulls away to answer it, telling her we’ll be right down.

He hangs up and turns back around to look at me and a slow smile spreads across his lips.

“What?” I ask, laughing.

“Nothing,” he says quickly, waving it off, but he keeps smiling.

“No,” I giggle. “What? Tell me.”

“Well, I just…” The apple in his throat works up and down. “I never thought I’d see this day. You, carrying my baby. Both of us in another country. Healthy. I was so afraid about not getting the chance to fulfill my life with my one true love but look at us now? It’s just so surreal.”