‘Of course not, my dear, but isn’t it a little late now – ’
‘Arthur?’
‘Yes?’
‘Why for God’s sake do you always argue with me. You know you disliked them as much as I did.’
‘I really don’t think you need worry, Pamela. After all, they seemed quite a nice well-mannered young couple.’
‘Arthur, don’t be pompous.’ She was looking at me hard with those wide grey eyes of hers, and to avoid them – they sometimes made me quite uncomfortable – I got up and walked over to the french windows that led into the garden.
The big sloping lawn out in front of the house was newly mown, striped with pale and dark ribbons of green. On the far side, the two laburnums were in full flower at last, the long golden chains making a blaze of colour against the darker trees beyond. The roses were out too, and the scarlet begonias, and in the long herbaceous border all my lovely hybrid lupins, columbine, delphinium, sweet-william, and the huge, pale, scented iris. One of the gardeners was coming up the drive from his lunch. I could see the roof of his cottage through the trees, and beyond it to one side, the place where the drive went out through the iron gates on the Canterbury road.
My wife’s house. Her garden. How beautiful it all was! How peaceful! Now, if only Pamela would try to be a little less solicitous of my welfare, less prone to coax me into doing things for my own good rather than for my own pleasure, then everything would be heaven. Mind you, I don’t want to give the impression that I do not love her – I worship the very air she breathes – or that I can’t manage her, or that I am not the captain of my ship. All I am trying to say is that she can be a trifle irritating at times, the way she carries on. For example, those little mannerisms of hers – I do wish she would drop them all, especially the way she has of pointing a finger at me to emphasise a phrase. You must remember that I am a man who is built rather small, and a gesture like this, when used to excess by a person like my wife, is apt to intimidate. I sometimes find it difficult to convince myself that she is not an overbearing woman.
‘Arthur!’ she called. ‘Come here.’
‘What?’
‘I’ve just had a most marvellous idea. Come here.’
I turned and went over to where she was lying on the sofa.
‘Look,’ she said, ‘do you want to have some fun?’
‘What sort of fun?’
‘With the Snapes?’
‘Who are the Snapes?’
‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Wake up. Henry and Sally Snape. Our week-end guests.’
‘Well?’
‘Now listen. I was lying here thinking how awful they really are… the way they behave… him with his jokes and her like a sort of love-crazed sparrow…’ She hesitated, smiling slyly, and for some reason, I got the impression she was about to say a shocking thing. ‘Well – if that’s the way they behave when they’re in front of us, then what on earth must they be like when they’re alone together?’
‘Now wait a minute, Pamela – ’
‘Don’t be an ass, Arthur. Let’s have some fun – some real fun for once – tonight.’ She had half raised herself up off the sofa, her face bright with a kind of sudden recklessness, the mouth slightly open, and she was looking at me with two round grey eyes, a spark dancing slowly in each.
‘Why shouldn’t we?’
‘What do you want to do?’
‘Why, it’s obvious. Can’t you see?’
‘No, I can’t.’
‘All we’ve got to do is put a microphone in their room.’ I admit I was expecting something pretty bad, but when she said this I was so shocked I didn’t know what to answer.
‘That’s exactly what we’ll do,’ she said.
‘Here!’ I cried. ‘No. Wait a minute. You can’t do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘That’s about the nastiest trick I ever heard of. It’s like – why, it’s like listening at keyholes, or reading letters, only far far worse. You don’t mean this seriously, do you?’