After Ever Happy (After 4)

“I mean it, Tessa. Don’t you let any of those snobby fuckers make you feel bad for how you feel.”

I wish it were that simple. I wish I could be more like Hardin and not care what anyone thought of me or how other people feel, but I can’t. I’m just not made that way. I feel for others, even when I shouldn’t, and I would like to think that eventually that trait will stop being my downfall. Caring is a good trait to have, but it hurts me too often.

In the few short minutes I’ve been in the greenhouse with Hardin, almost all of my anger has disappeared. I’m not sure what has replaced it, but I no longer feel the burn of fury, just the steady burn of pain that I know will be a longtime companion of mine.

“Theresa!” my mother’s voice sounds through the yard, and Hardin and I both wince at the interruption.

“I have no problem telling any of them, her included, to fuck off. You know that, don’t you?” His eyes search mine, and I nod. I know he doesn’t, and part of me wants to unleash him on the crowd of chatty women who have no business being here.

“I know.” I nod again. “I’m sorry for venting like this. I just—”

The screen door opens and my mother steps into the greenhouse. “Theresa, please come inside,” she says authoritatively. She’s trying her best to mask her anger toward me, but her façade is slipping, and fast.

Hardin looks from my mother’s angry face to mine before stepping past both of us. “I was just leaving anyway.”

The memory of my mother’s finding him in my dorm room all those months ago passes through my mind. She was so mad and Hardin looked so defeated when I left with her and Noah. Those days feel so ancient now, so simple. I had no clue what was ahead, none of us did.

“What are you doing out here anyway?” she asks as I follow her through the yard and up the porch steps.

It’s none of her business what I was doing. She wouldn’t understand my selfish feelings, and I would never trust her enough to reveal them. She wouldn’t understand why I was talking to Hardin after avoiding him for three days. She wouldn’t understand anything that I could tell her, because she fundamentally doesn’t understand me.

So instead of answering her question, I stay quiet and wish that I would have had the chance to ask Hardin what he came to my greenhouse to hide from.

Chapter thirty-five

HARDIN

Hardin, please. I’ve got to get ready,” Tessa had whined into my chest one day. Her naked body was sprawled across me, distracting every brain cell I have left.

“You’re not convincing me, woman. If you actually wanted to leave, you would be out of bed by now.” I pressed my lips against the shell of her ear, and she wiggled against me. “You certainly wouldn’t be rubbing yourself against my cock right now.”

She giggled and slid against me, deliberately making contact with my erection.

“Now you’ve done it,” I groaned, wrapping my fingers around her curvy hips. “You’ll never make it to class now.” My fingers slid to the front of her, sliding into her as she gasped.

Fuck, she always felt so fucking tight and warm around my fingers, even more so around my cock.

Without a word, she had rolled onto her side and wrapped her hand around me, jerking slowly. Her thumb swiped across the bead of moisture already present, betraying the cool smirk on my face, as she whined for more.

“More what?” I teased her, praying that she would take the bait. Either way I knew what was coming next; I just loved to hear her say it.

Her desires became more substantial, more tangible, when said aloud. The way she whined and whimpered for me was more than for my satisfaction or a plea of lust. The words signified her trust in me; the movements of her body engraved her loyalty to me; and the promise of her love for me filled me, body and soul.

I was completely consumed by her, completely fucking lost in her, every single time I made love to her, even when I was being dishonest with her. This time was no exception.

I had pressed her for the words that I wanted. The words that I needed. “Tell me, Tessa.”

“More everything, just . . . just all of you,” she moaned, running her lips along my chest, and I lifted one of her thighs to wrap it around my own. It would be more difficult this way, but much deeper, and I could watch her easily. I could watch what only I could do to her, and I would fucking revel in the way her mouth fell open and she came, calling my name alone.

You already have all of me, I should have said. Instead, I reached in front of her and pulled a condom from the nightstand and slid it on, pressing between her legs. Her satisfied groan had me almost burst right then, but I held it together long enough to bring her to the edge with me. She whispered how much she loved me and how good I made her feel, and I should have told her that I felt the same way, even more than she could ever imagine, but instead, I spoke only her name as I emptied myself into the condom.

There were so many things I should have said, could have said, and sure as hell would have said if I had known my days in heaven were numbered.

Had I known that I would be cast out so soon, I would have worshipped her the way she deserves.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here another night? I heard Tessa telling Carol that she was around one more night,” Noah says, pushing me out of my mind and back into reality in that annoying way he has. After a minute of staring at me like Mr. Rogers, he asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I should tell him what was happening in my head, the bittersweet memory of Tessa wrapped around me as she clawed at my back and came. Then again, I don’t want that image in his head.