“He’ll disappear,” I said, hoping Mattias already took care of him. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
She glanced at me, her lips pulled down into a frown. She opened her mouth to ask me something, and I wouldn’t lie to her, although I knew the truth would be bad. Instead though, she closed her lips again and shook her head, letting out a long breath.
“I don’t want to know,” she whispered down to the water. “Whatever you do, just don’t tell me.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, smiling slightly.
She kicked her legs up and let the water run off them and lowered her feet back down. “If I hadn’t married you, do you think all this would’ve happened?” she asked.
“Something like it,” I said. “Roy would’ve made his move. Your father would’ve still been a bastard.”
“But maybe he wouldn’t have sold me out.”
I nudged against her. “If I could change that for you, I would.”
“I know,” she said, and tilted her chin up toward me. “It’s strange. I didn’t want to marry you, but you’re the only person in this whole thing that ever gave a damn about me.”
I touched her cheek gently, but didn’t kiss her. I wanted to badly, wanted to pull her into the water with me and swim laps with her naked body but I had to keep myself focused on the task ahead.
“Something bad’s coming,” I said, voice nearly a whisper. Wind blew through the trees nearby, and I remembered the afternoon spent swimming in this pool while a string of nannies watched me, most of them old ladies, at least one of them fairly young and hot and also weirdly German. I didn’t have a lot to do back then when my father didn’t give a shit about me and let me roam the house and the grounds more or less however I wanted. I’d swim then go for long hikes back on the trails, and the nanny would follow, and sometimes I’d try to lose them in the woods and hide away in burrows and up trees for hours.
I didn’t hide anymore. But there was that instinct still in me from when I was a boy to climb a tree and stay there. Safety was in a tree, hidden from my father, from my life.
“I know,” she said. “I’m afraid.”
“Before it happens, I want to give you this chance.” I took her hand in mine, leaning closer. “If you want to leave, you can go right now. I’ll give you a divorce, and I’ll pay you as if you kept your promise for five years.”
She pulled her hand away. “What are you saying?”
“I’ll pay you,” I said. “You can leave, right now, if you want. It would be safer for you if you left this all before.”
She stared at me, mouth open, and I was torn in half, one part wanting her to take the money and run, to have a normal life, to grow up and be happy, and the other wanted her to stay so badly it made my stomach twist in knots. I couldn’t force her, not after what her father did, not after what her uncle tried to do. She deserved so much fucking better than those bastards, and I wanted to give that to her.
I wanted to give her the chance nobody else would.
“No,” she whispered, and I felt a flood of disappointed relief hit me. “I can’t just walk away right now. I have to see it through.”
“This is it for you,” I said. “You can run away, be rich. Live a normal, comfortable life. Meet some nice young man.”
“I don’t want any of that,” she said.
“What do you want then?” I asked softly and touched her cheek with my fingers.
She leaned into my hand. “I want revenge,” she said, and stared into my eyes. “I want to see my uncle pay for what he did to me. And you won’t leave me behind when you do it.”
I leaned forward and kissed her plump lips lightly then pulled back to stare into her eyes.
“Okay then,” I said. “Let’s go kill him.” I pulled my legs out of the water and got to my feet. I held out a hand and Mags hesitated, but she took it. I picked up my socks and shoes, and together we walked back to the house, holding hands loosely, as the water dripped from my shins and the grass tickled the bottoms of my bare feet, and the cool air conditioning was freezing on my soaked ankles, but none of it mattered.
We had death to deal, Mags and me.
20
Mags
Mid-morning, sun halfway up the sky. It was bright and nearly blinding. Clouds drifted in slow wispy waves and the wind stayed dead. The humidity was just starting, and I thought of all those Philly summers I barely survived, sweating my ass off in that dirty little club, in that awful little house with my selfish, terrible father.