Even leaving the city I love - because I don’t love it as much as I love her.
But as the days begin to draw to a close, I’m only too aware that in the morning she will wake up and pack her bags, and head to the airport. Unless I do something to stop her from leaving, there is no alternative.
So I lie awake, with her cocooned in my arms, racking my brain for a way to make all of this happen. In the life that I'm used to, all I have to do is snap my fingers at Marco or wave money at a problem and it will go away. But in matters of the heart, that solution no longer works.
How do I show Savannah that she can’t go home? That she must not leave me?
Or do I just trust that the bond we have created is unbreakable, that the threads of fate already hold us together irretrievably, and that she already knows she must stay?
Chapter Twenty-Four
Savannah
I never want to leave this place.
That much is obvious to me, now. But things aren’t so black and white. There are complications. I have a whole life that doesn’t exist here, and it won’t stop just because I stay in Las Vegas.
Being here fills me with a glow inside, a happiness that has nothing at all to do with the city but everything to do with Jonas. The thing is, I have no idea where this is going.
This morning, I wake and find myself exactly where I have found myself for the last few nights. In Jonas’ arms. But this time is different.
This might be the last time.
I hold still, pretending to him and to myself that I’m still asleep. In reality, though, my mind is racing. Am I never going to see him again if I get on that plane?
If that’s the case, I don’t want to get on the plane.
But is he expecting me to?
It goes around and around in my head. The firm desire is growing in me to stay here, to see where things can go with Jonas. I feel like he could be it – the man I will spend the rest of my life with. But then I don’t know if we are on the same page. If he thinks that I’m going to leave here and never come back.
What if it’s only been so right and free and easy because he doesn’t think it’s going to last?
And I know it won’t be the same way forever. After all, Jonas took a whole week off work to be with me. He can’t do that every week – it would be ridiculous. We won’t be together every moment of every day. And what will I do? End up a waitress or a dealer in one of the casinos? I don’t think it would suit me very well.
So, if this is it, then it’s all over. But despite all of the difficulties, something inside me knows for sure what I want.
I want to stay.
I stir then, moved by the decision to start the day. But when I look up, Jonas is already awake too, looking back at me with dark-rimmed eyes.
“You look tired,” I frown, holding my hand to his face.
“Thanks,” he says, flashing me a weary grin.
I shake my head. “I’m just concerned. You didn’t sleep well?”
“I guess this old man can’t quite keep up with you,” he says. But I know that isn’t right. I have the feeling he could easily outpace me, even with the age difference.
“What’s really going on?” I ask, not wanting to beat around the bush or let him lie. It’s my last day, maybe. There’s no time anymore for any of that.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he sighs. “I mean, I slept a little. I just kept thinking.”
“About what?”
“About how much I love you.”
My breath catches in my throat. Tears swell behind my eyes. I wasn’t expecting that.
“I love you, too,” I say, my breath coming out in a rush with the words.
For a long moment, Jonas just smiles at me, and I just smile back, and we linger looking into one another’s eyes. A feeling comes over me that everything is alright in the world, that everything is always going to be alright because we’ve found one another.
“I don’t want to go,” I say suddenly, more sure of it than I’ve ever been of anything in my life. “I’m going to cancel the flight.”
“Are you sure?” Jonas asks, frowning just slightly. “What about your family? They’re expecting to meet you at the airport tonight.”
“So, I call and tell them not to,” I say.
“What about your plans?” Jonas asks. “I want you to stay. But I also want you to be absolutely sure that this is what you want. You’re suggesting changing your whole life. That’s not something that should be done lightly.”