Sweet Collateral

“Please take it all away,” I breathe. It feels like a weight lifting, as though I’ve never truly been able to fill my lungs properly before now. I just asked Rafael for something I never thought I would want. But I do with him. So much.

He kisses me again, fingers skating my stomach and pushing my shirt up, our lips breaking apart only so he can remove the material. His eyes never leave mine as he strips my pants and underwear. Nervousness flutters through my stomach, and that flight instinct teeters just on the edge of my consciousness, but I fight it. Rafael’s shirt disappears, revealing hard muscle, tanned skin and endless ink winding over every inch of him. He’s beautiful in a feral, wild way, something that can’t be tamed or leashed. A beast with the inclination to bite, and yet, the way he looks at me so reverently; I know he would never hurt me. He’s my beast.

When there’s nothing between us, his body presses over mine, hot skin branding me until I’m burning up. His fingers skate over my jaw, his dark gaze searching my face. “So beautiful.”

I’ve been naked in front of a lot of men, but I suddenly feel exposed in ways only he can elicit. He strips me in a way that’s more than just physical. This is it for me, a final step. I’m standing before him with my heart clutched in my hand, an offering. He could hurt me more than any of the men who have come before him because he has something they didn’t: my trust, my heart, my soul. It’s all so very fragile, and yet I want him to have it. He’ll either bind all the fragmented pieces of my soul, or he’ll destroy it so entirely there’ll be no coming back.

His lips brush over my neck, my collarbone, my breast, my stomach. With each tiny touch, I tremble. He keeps going until his broad shoulders are resting between my thighs. “Look at me,” he demands.

I do, and as our eyes lock, he places his mouth on me. It feels wrong and yet so right. I want to both pull away and never move. This isn’t like last time though. I know what’s coming. Foreign sensations wash over me, sparks igniting from somewhere deep within. The feeling grows until my body moves of its own violation, my back bowing away from the bed. And then he stops. I glance at him, and he smiles wickedly, placing a kiss on my lower stomach. He sits up and slides an arm around the small of my back, yanking me off the mattress until we’re face to face, my thighs either side of his. Our lips are barely an inch apart, and can feel the ragged rise and fall of his chest against mine. Fingers slide around the back of my neck, his forehead touching mine. “You okay?”

I force a small smile, my courage dwindling. “Yeah.”

“Then focus on me.” He pulls back a fraction, his gaze imprisoning me as his hands slide to the top of my thighs. Then I feel him pressing against me there. My heart beats faster and my breaths speed as every muscle tenses. “Anna, look at me.” I can’t. My mind starts to spin, thoughts melding into a muddy blur like static on a TV. Survival instincts override everything logical, and I feel myself gravitating toward that dark little hiding place deep within myself. “I love you,” he whispers against my ear. Those three words are like lightening ripping through black clouds, illuminating my world is blinding light, and like the beat before the roll of thunder, everything just…pauses. The blissful silence is permeated only by the ringing in my ears, then a single breath sucks into starving lungs. He pushes into me, and the storm breaks lose in all its glory, battering against my defenses and washing away everything that came before him. It’s beautifully chaotic. Rafael tears apart all the ugly facets of me that existed before this moment, ripping up my foundations and destroying everything in his path. He lays waste to my body and soul, and all I can do is cling to him as the tears streak down my face. He ruins me, just like I always knew he would. But then slowly, piece-by-piece, he completes me. Every soft touch, every gentle kiss, each slow roll of his hips feels magnetic. He’s pulling me back together, re-arranging everything I was until it all makes sense—until I’m stronger, better…his own personal masterpiece.

My mind snaps back into place, and the fear, the loathing, the disgust…it all just disintegrates as if it never even existed. It’s like nothing before this point was ever of any consequence. Him and I—that’s it.

He cups my cheek, and I focus on him, on the feel of him moving within me, making us one. I grab his face and kiss him. I want this. I want every little piece of him.