Sweet Collateral

“Or maybe that’s all we were.”

His lips brush over the corner of my mouth and it’s like liquid fire is pouring through my veins. “You don’t believe that.”

He’s so close, and my head is buzzing with the low hum of white noise drowning out everything rational. The heat of his body combined with the desert sun scorches me, but I can’t find it within me to care. I think I want him to burn me and perhaps I always will.

“I love you, avecita,” he breathes, and my heart lets out a pitiful cough. "If Dominges finds out you are here, he will hunt you, just to get to me. The things I’ve done in the past few months…” I doubt anyone else would spot the air of regret that clings to him. He’s a cartel boss, but he’s a better man than he would have people believe. “Dominges wants me on my knees, and you are the perfect tool to put me there. Even your sister cannot stand against an entire cartel.” She said as much herself when I decided I wanted to come after the Sinaloa. “In war, we must be willing to sacrifice, but I won’t sacrifice you. Don’t ask me to.”

“Dominges won’t even know we’re here.” He says nothing, and I sigh. “You may not have much choice. Una will be back tonight with Sasha.” I hate that this is always so complicated and fraught with danger. I hate that I can’t hate him. “You can’t control everything, Rafe. There is no version of this where I turn tail and run back to New York.”

I see the pain etched into his features clear as day. This isn’t just male ego, he’s scared for me. After what happened to Maria, I understand, but I don’t want to be sheltered by him. I reach up and smooth the tight frown line from between his brows. “What if we’re stronger together?” I ask, and the faintest trace of hope whispers in my ear, gentle fingers caressing over my fraught soul. What if this didn’t need to be a battle between the girl I want to be and the girl he wants to protect?

A sad smile pulls at his lips. “You will always be my weakness.”

That hope snuffs out and my heart sinks. “I understand.” This will never be an equal partnership. Rafael want to coddle me. “But a man guards his weakness, so I will make a deal with you. You can stay in Mexico, but you stay with me. Your sister is welcome, but nothing happens without you running it past me.”

“I can’t promise that. Una likes to work to her own parameters.”

“That’s the deal, little warrior. You can stay in Mexico. You can even go after Dominges, but under my protection.” I chew on my bottom lip and his gaze tracks the movement.

“Una knows what she’s doing—”

“Una is not the pawn he seeks. I’ve already proven that I will sacrifice my cartel for you once. Dominges will not forget it.” When he pulls back, his expression has shifted into one of steely authority. My Rafael is gone and in his place is the ruthless cartel boss, feared by so many. “Do we have an alliance?”

What choice do I have? Go back to New York or go against him, inciting a fight between him and Una. That’s the last thing I want. “We have an alliance. As soon as Dominges is dead, I’ll be gone."

“Ah, little warrior. I let you go once. I asked you to leave a second time, and you refused." There’s something fierce and possessive in his eyes that has my stomach tightening. “If you think I’ll watch you walk away when this is all over, you’ve forgotten one thing.” His fingers wind around my throat, and he pulls me forward until his lips almost brush mine. “You’re mine. You will always be mine.”

He slams a kiss over my lips, and any resistance I thought I had dissipates, like morning dew evaporating in the sun. The dam bursts. All the hurt and the rejection, the love and the need, the agony of the last few months drowns me. The sheer inevitability of the fact that we were always going to end up right here in this exact moment washes over me. Warmth blossoms throughout my chest, inviting and intoxicating. This is home. He is home, the only one I’ve ever known…but he cast me out. Slowly, my heart releases the chokehold it has on my rational mind.

Shoving away from him, I place a shaky hand over my mouth. “I can’t do this,” I murmur.

“We aren’t done, Anna. We’ll never be done,” he vows. “I’m sorry I sent you away, but it was the right thing to do.”

“You broke us, Rafe.”

“I know. And I hate it. Everything always seems so fucking dark without you, little warrior.”