Sweet Collateral

“Come on. I’m driving you.”

“Where’s Rafael?”

“Handling business. They had guys hit almost every remaining Sinaloa compound tonight. It’s still going on. The city is carnage, but by morning, the Sinaloa cartel will have fallen.”

I nod, remembering a time when Una told me an entire cartel could not be defeated. Looks like she was wrong. “Where’s Una?”

“I’ll take you to her,” Lucas says, gently taking my elbow and steering me toward an SUV. He starts the car and winds through all the parked vehicles in the small lot. It’s like a military-style operation, moving women, weapons, drugs… They’re stripping the place.

We’re waved through the gate and out onto the run-down street beyond the confines of the dirty brothel. Everything passes by in a blur; the bright lights of the city as its occupants bathe in debauchery. Hookers stand on street corners wearing almost no clothes. Punters buy drugs from darkened alleyways, and heavily armed tattooed men sip from beer bottles in front of shabby bars. The city is alive and buzzing, continuing on, even as the balance of power subtly shifts at this very moment.

We eventually wind out of the city onto a road I recognize.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“The boss thinks it’s safe to go home now.”

Home. Such a simple word, but I guess Rafael has been lacking that these past months. Dominges and this war robbed him of it. Of course he would want to go back.

The car rolls to a halt in front of the enormous ten-foot tall metal gates that signal the start of the grounds to Rafael’s mansion. They open and we’re met with another set. It seems he’s been upgrading the security even further. Armed guards flank the car, and Lucas rolls down the window, allowing them to see us. On a stern nod, we’re waved through.

“I feel like a criminal.”

Lucas smiles. “The boss is just paranoid. He trusts very few people, and he’s worried about rats.”

I nod. I know Rafael better than most, and if he’s paranoid, it’s with good reason. I’m not sure if his extra security should make me feel better or worse. The second set of gates open with a groan and we’re allowed through onto the property. The contrast from one side of the gates to the other here always takes my breath away. One side is dusty desert, and on the other, it’s an oasis of green lawns, vibrant roses and the moat that rounds the front of the house. Everything is pristine and perfect, completely untouched by the world outside.

It’s only when I step out of the car and walk up to the front door that I remember the first time I came here. Battered, broken, scared…and Maria was here on this very step, with kind eyes and a warm smile. I didn’t trust her, but it didn’t matter. She was kind to me. Far before even Rafael showed me such warmth. Maria might have been the first person to treat me like a human being since my sister was taken from me.

A wave of sadness hits me like a truck driving into my chest. I choke on the weight of it and throw my hand out against one of the marble pillars to stop myself stumbling. I feel it immediately: her absence. The lack of a mother where there was one, taken for granted and now taken forever. Lucas looks at me, his mouth turned down and his eyes shining with tears. I know he feels it too.

“I haven’t been to the house since she’s been gone.”

“I know.”

“It feels wrong.”

“It is, but you can’t change it, Anna. Only learn to live with it.” I swipe at a stray tear that tracks down my cheek. I barely even knew Maria. But she was like a second mother to the guys. This must have been so hard on them, and on Rafe because he blames himself. And he went through that alone. Without me. All those times he tried to call, and I wouldn’t answer. God, I’m so selfish. “Let’s get some food and go watch a movie,” Lucas says. I numbly follow him into the house that is so familiar to me and yet feels so strange.

He grabs a tub of ice cream from the freezer and two spoons, and we wander down the empty corridors to the home cinema. He picks a movie called Jurassic Park and then we just sit and eat ice cream. It’s so normal it almost feels wrong. My mind is on edge, as though someone is about to jump out from somewhere and shoot at me. That’s been my life for months.

“Where is Una?”

“She’ll be here soon.”

Una will be here. Dominges is dead, and Rafael…well, I don’t even know what we are. Una will be going back to New York, and I know I should go with her, but the thought has my stomach bottoming out. Why is it always so hard?