He drops his chin to his chest. “This isn’t you. Shooting that boy…” I inwardly flinch. “This revenge path you’re on...I love you too much to watch you do this to yourself. I can’t.”
My heart clenches painfully in my chest. I always knew this was a possibility. I told myself I would walk away when this was done because I didn’t want to need him again. I didn’t want to be weak, but I am weak for him. There’s no denying it. That’s why this hurts so much. We love each other, but the version of me he wants can’t survive his world.
“I understand,” I whisper, moving around him and heading for the door.
He grabs my arm and tugs me back. Our eyes lock, and this painful longing wraps around me until it feels as though I can’t breathe. His eyes drop to my mouth, and then he’s gripping my jaw and slamming his lips over mine. This kiss is sweet torture, and I never want him to let me go, but of course, he does.
“I love you.”
I stroke my fingers over the stubble of his jaw. “I love you too.” I place a gentle kiss against his lips, and it’s then that I taste my tears on my own lips. “But love isn’t enough.” We slowly pull apart, my fingers lingering on his skin until the very last second. And then I yank the door open and bolt from the room.
I thought walking away from him a second time would hurt less, but how can it? He’s a fundamental part of me. I’m just not an essential part of him. I accept every facet of him: the good, the bad, and the monstrous. He can’t do the same for me, and honestly, it breaks my heart.
I rush through the house, seeking out the one place that brought me peace amongst my chaos. Bursting out of the back door, I pass the pool deck and move into the gardens beyond. I’m no longer a young girl in a white dress walking barefoot amongst the roses. I’m now a killer, dressed all in black, disappearing amongst the shadows. I can barely remember that girl, and yet, I feel every bit as fractured and fragile as her. The irony is not lost on me. I finally move past the tall circular hedges that enclose the pond. This place; it’s as though it’s perfectly preserved and untouched. It’s always felt magical to me at nighttime. The glassy surface of the water reflects the orb of the moon perfectly. Little orange goldfish move like ghosts in the night, silent and graceful. Sitting on the edge of the low wall that surrounds the water, I brush my fingertips over the cool liquid. The fish rush over, their little mouths sucking on my fingers. The tranquility of this place seeps into my bones until the crippling pain feels like a dull ache, but it’s the kind of ache you know will never ever truly disappear.
Maybe it never left. Being around Rafael simply masked it long enough to allow me to hope. To hope for a fairytale ending like I used to read in storybooks when I was a little girl. But my life has always been nothing but tragedy. That destiny was never meant for me.
Standing up, I find myself drifting through the gardens, out into the long grass that stretches across the property to the horse paddocks at the furthest reaches. I walk until I reach the fence line, trying to allow the fresh air to cleanse me. I wonder if Sky is still here.
Slipping through the fence, I make my way towards the stables. The floodlights outside the barns light the way, and I cross to the stables, sliding the barn door open and going inside. The scent of sweet meadow hay greets me and I find Sky at the end of the barn in the same stable as before. She immediately pops her head over the door, the brilliant white of her coat standing out in the darkness.
“Hey, you.” I place my hand on her head, and she lowers it, greeting me like a long-lost friend. She quietly consoles me, as though she can sense my pain. I don’t know how long I stay there with her, but I finally move when I hear the low hum of an engine start up just outside the barn. Who would be here at this time of night? I follow the sound to the back of the barn and peer through the gap in the doors. A minibus moves off around the corner of the second barn. Curious, I slip through the gap and walk over to the second barn. I freeze when two armed men whirl to face me, guns raised. They quickly lower them.
“Senorita,” one of them nods at me, and I frown.