…
At three am, I awakened to Maverick thrashing and moaning. I was used to sleeping alone and the loud noises frightened me.
"No, don't. Stop it. I don't want to. GET OFF ME!" he screamed.
His body was shaking and when I touched him, I realized he was covered in sweat. I didn't know what to do. I knew that nightmares could be very real for some and that if woken, it could be dangerous for the dreamer to startle so much. But I hated seeing him like this. On the surface, Gabriel was big and strong and tough, but inside, part of him was still that young boy who’d been burdened with too much.
"That burns. Stop, please. Please no, no more. I'll do it. Whatever you want, I'll do it."
I couldn't handle hearing flashbacks of his abuse. I gently shook him through tears and he didn’t wake up.
"Gabe," I said as I shook him harder. "Gabriel, wake up. You're having a bad dream."
He rolled over, lashing out with arms. I felt the bed move and before I could slip away, his fist came crashing down and made contact with my face. The blow knocked me clear off the bed and I landed with a thump on the floor.
"Sophie?" Mav asked. Striking me had knocked him out of his nightmare. "Oh my God, Sophie!" he shouted as soon as he looked over and saw me on the floor. I brought my hand to my face and felt the warm trickle of blood leaking from my nose. I’d only had a bloody face once before and I didn’t like how the sensory memory brought me right back to the day I’d lost my sight.
"Fuck. Did I do that?" Maverick rushed to my side. When he touched me, I flinched. "I'm sorry, Sophie. I didn't mean to. I was dreaming and I thought you were part of my dream. I would never hurt you, Sophie. I'd rather die than cause you any pain."
He lifted my head and cradled me in his lap while he used his t-shirt to pinch my nose to stave the blood flow. The memories that tumbled unwanted into my consciousness were hard to separate from the reality of the moment. The pain, the blood, someone holding their t-shirt to my face while sirens sounded in the distance. The acrid taste of fear was on my tongue and I gagged on the blood that was running down the back of my throat.
Strangely, the exact same thought that had come to me that awful day presented itself anew in my mind.
This isn’t going to be easy. I told myself then, and I reassured myself now. But it’s worth the hard work. I clung to Maverick for comfort, to rescue me from my own terrifying memories.
“Sophie, I need to go get some ice,” he said to me. I didn’t want him to go. I remembered staring up at the clouds and thinking I could see, but then I blinked and it was gone. Just a blurred form hovering over me keeping me safe. Gabriel, my own guardian angel. I clung to him tightly.
Maverick moved and placed a pillow beneath my head. I could hear him rustling around in the freezer while Shakespeare pranced at his feet.
He came back with a bag of frozen vegetables which he wrapped in the shirt and placed on my nose.
“Hold this to your nose, Soph. I’m just going to feel the bridge to see if it’s broken.”
He squeezed up and down the bridge of my nose and I winced and cried out in pain. Shakespeare came running and tried to lick my face. Maverick pushed him gently to get him to back off.
I sat up with the frozen vegetables and Maverick ran his hand through his hair.
"Ok, it’s not broken, but it’s already starting to swell. It might turn your eyes black and blue.”
I nodded my head, feeling both speechless and stupefied. “Has that ever happened to you before?”
“Flashbacks in my sleep do happen. I’ve never slept through the night with a woman before. I sure as hell hope I don’t lash out violently in my sleep on the regular. I’m so sorry, Sophie. Seems like every day there’s a new reason to end this relationship.”
"It's okay. You didn’t mean to hit me. I’m cool with black eyes. Hell, in Brook Hill shiners are clout. I’ll probably get high fives.”
"I think it's better if I stay the fuck away from you,” Maverick said. He ran his fingers through his hair anxiously. “I shouldn't be near anyone. Once I put Rafa in a chokehold in my sleep and almost strangled him a few years back. If Malik didn't come running when he did, I would have killed him. I'm dangerous, Sophie… I should never have gotten involved with you.”
I didn’t know how to protest, how to come up with all the reasons I thought we should try. I’d been told no my whole life, ever since I lost my sight, and I never once listened to the naysayers, I followed my own inner light.