Jess released a tiny stream of anxiety: “I’m scared, okay? I don’t want to get hurt, and I really don’t want Juno to get hurt. She’s never—” She stopped short, rephrasing. “Juno’s never had someone she loved disappear on her.”
River’s unwavering gaze softened, and he took another step closer to her. “I don’t want that, either. But I’m not a soldier or a robot. I’m not here on GeneticAlly business. I’m following what I’m feeling.” He looked back and forth between her eyes for a bit before something in his expression cleared, relaxing. “You’d have no way of knowing this, but I’m terrible at faking emotions.” Jess laughed through a quiet sob. “And I get that it’s more complicated because of Juno, but what else am I supposed to do but ask? I want to spend time with you.”
“We are spending time together,” Jess said lamely.
“Official events and conversations in hospital hallways?” he asked, frowning. “Is this enough for you?”
Could he see the no in her eyes? “I don’t know what else is possible right now.”
“What does that mean?” River closed the last bit of distance between them, reaching for her free hand. It felt cold against the heat of his fingers. He looked around the hallway surrounding them. “This is part of life, Jess. Emergencies and responsibility and managing small fires all the time—but it’s only part of it. There are quiet moments, too. Good moments. Moments when we can ask for more.”
“It’s not the part I’m very good at.”
“I hadn’t noticed.” He unleashed a wry smile.
This made her laugh. “What are you saying?”
“I thought it was obvious.” His grin turned shy. “Really?”
“Really.”
“I want to be here to bring you coffee. I want to take you out to dinner and order the same food and hear you recite the odds that we would have met. I want to hate-attend fancy social events together.” Jess laughed, a surprised burst of sound, and his tone softened. “I want you to call me for help—without an apology already on the tip of your tongue. I want to feel like I can kiss you again by your car at the end of the night.” He swallowed. “I want you in my bed.”
Jess was a little afraid that her feet would melt into the floor. That flames would travel up her legs and burn a hole straight through her. She wanted that. But if she let herself fall for River, there would be no easy way out.
“I can tell you’re not sure what to say,” he said, bending to kiss her cheek. “That’s okay. You know where to find me when you’re ready.”
EIGHTEEN
POPS, WOULD YOU get out of here for just a little while?”
He ignored her. “What’s a thirteen-letter word for ‘old’?”
“I’d say Ronald Davis,” Jess said, “but that’s only eleven.”
Nana chuckled from the bed, where she was drowsily half watching TV on mute.
“Well?” he prompted, tired and irritable.
Jess shook her head. “Nope.”
“What do you mean, ‘nope’?” he gruffed.
“I’m not helping you,” she told him. “You stink and you’re falling asleep in your chair.”
“She’s right,” Nana murmured.
He stared at Nana Jo, then at Jess, and then blinked down, forlorn, at the puzzle. “Octogenarian?” He counted on his fingers, and grunted in annoyance. “Septuagenarian?” Victorious, he moved to write it in.
“That’s fourteen letters,” Jess said. “You’re forgetting the U in there, aren’t you?”
Irked, Pops dropped the crossword onto the table in defeat.
“Go home for a bit,” Nana said sleepily. “I don’t need you watching me all day.”
“Well, it’s not my fault I can’t take my eyes off you. You’re just too pretty.”
Nana Jo rolled her eyes, but his words made her glow like a Christmas tree.
“Fine, I’ll go home and shower and sleep.” He stood, stretching. Something cracked in his back and he let out a tight moan before kissing Nana on the forehead. He looked over his shoulder at Jess. “You won’t leave her?” Jess forgave him the accusatory tone; he was exhausted.
It was on the tip of her tongue to joke that she promised to only leave if she got bored or hungry, or if a hot male nurse wanted to sneak into a supply closet, but now was not the time. “I won’t leave her.” Quietly, she added, “Superannuated.”
Letting out a quiet “Dammit, I should have known that one,” he walked back over and scribbled the word into the puzzle.
POPS RETURNED AROUND three, looking significantly cleaner and marginally better rested. He arrived only a handful of minutes before the physical therapist came to get Nana up and out of bed for the first time, and Jess was glad because it took all three of them to talk the normally fearless woman through the panic of putting weight on her leg.
Jess didn’t have time to reel in the emotional hit of seeing Nana so frail and scared; it took an hour to get her up and taking the ten assisted steps to the door, where a wheelchair took her to the PT room, and another hour there, working on strength and balance.