Hot 4 (Multiple Love)

A beach party. Now that sounds awesome. At least I'll have something uplifting to do this weekend. I need uplifting, or I'm in danger of opening this ridiculous sandwich and leaving my boss a spit-surprise along with her weird two-types-of-mustard-and-mayo-dressing that the poor woman has to make bespoke.

In the office, my boss takes the sandwich without an accompanying thank you, and I head back to my desk to eat alone, contemplating my life.

It was stupid of me to get chicken with sweet chili dressing because the flavors take me back to my vacation and hit me with memories of the Banbury brothers. Thinking about their smiles, their laughter, and their kindness should fill me with happiness, but it doesn't. The loss of everything we had is too profound. I haven't even been able to take my painting from its box because it would be too much of a reminder. Maybe one day I'll have moved past all these feelings enough to display it on my wall, but right now, I can't imagine that time.

I message Natalie back with I'm in...get the tequila ready, and then remember that she's pregnant, so she'll be sipping on orange juice or something similarly dull all night. I'll have to find someone who can join me in getting ridiculously drunk and drowning my sorrows.

Natalie calls me as soon as she sees my message. "I'm so excited," she gushes. "You should see what the boys are doing today. They're fixing up strings and strings of fairy lights. It's going to be so pretty."

"What prompted the party idea?"

"The baby," she says. "I suddenly realized that in a few months, we're not going to have the energy to party. Plus there were lots of people who couldn't make it out to Thailand for the wedding. It's kind of like our wedding consolation party."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I'm in desperate need of something uplifting."

"Work getting you down?" she says with genuine concern in her voice.

"When is it not? And my stupid upstairs neighbor has taken to strolling around wearing heels at two a.m. Lack of sleep makes me grumpy."

"Well, hopefully, the party will return your mojo."

Hopefully, it will.

I buy a new dress because my favorite black number reminds me too much of what will forever be remembered as the “goodbye night of no panties.” This news purchase is scarlet, and it hugs my curves in a way that makes me feel a million dollars. Yes, my thighs are thick, and yes, my ass is probably going to jiggle as I walk, but all of that feels sexy.

Arriving fashionably late seems like a good idea, and by the time I'm making my way through the house and down to the beach, the music is pumping, and the crowds are mingling. I scan for Natalie and find her by the long run of tables displaying gourmet food. "Nat," I call out, noticing that her pregnant belly is getting more obvious. "There you are," she says, then her eyes scan my outfit, and she shakes her head. "You are going to set some pulses racing tonight, girl." We hug, and she gazes at me again. "That dress is something else."

"Well, it's not every day that I get to be maid of honor for a second time."

"That is a good point. Anyway, we have food here and drinks over there and men that way." Natalie winks, and I follow her line of sight, seeing Kane first. The way my heart squeezes in my chest makes my head spin. He looks so good. Just like that first night when he guided me through Thai cuisine and matched me at ping pong. Better really, because I know his mind, his heart, and his body, and all of it makes him sexier.

"I need to go," I say quickly, glancing back at Natalie in panic. "Why didn't you tell me they were going to be here?"

"I thought you'd assume," Natalie says quickly. "They're Mason, Max, and Miller's cousins. They were almost top on the invite list."

"But they live so far away."

"They're staying for the weekend," Natalie says. "They drove up today."

"Oh my God." I turn my back to Kane, hoping he hasn't spotted me yet, and grasp my necklace in panic. "I didn't say goodbye to them. I just left. They must hate me."

Natalie's eyes search my face, worry clouding her expression. "I don't think anyone could ever hate you, Connie. You're an amazing person with a heart of gold."

"A heart of gold who walks away without a backward glance from men who treated me with nothing but respect. They're going to want an explanation, and I have no idea how to tell them why."

"Because you don't understand why or because you're scared to admit why?" My bestie knows me so well.

"The latter." I close my eyes, drawing in a deep breath. Admitting that I walked away because I was terrified by the strength of my own feelings is not going to simplify this situation. If anything, it could complicate things. If they're bothered, that is. I haven't heard from them in a month. If they had wanted to get in touch, they could have asked Natalie for my number or my address. They could have found me on social media. I haven't exactly been hiding out.