For Lucy

Tatum opens her eyes and continues to blink out unrelenting tears as her lower lip quivers. “Remember?” She draws in a shaky breath. “Remember when I called you from the mall and asked you to have him say the phrase ‘Austin loves Daddy and dump trucks’ slowly and clearly? And you asked why, but I said it was a surprise?”

I do. I remember.

But I can’t fucking speak to tell her that, so I nod once and refuse to blink. When I’m with her, I feel like I don’t have the right to miss him—not like her.

“That’s what the bear says … when you press its paw.” Her body shakes with sobs. “In th-that box … his v-voice is in that … b-box.”

My teeth grind as every muscle in my body tenses to hold it together. I clear my throat and stand, turning my back to her. “I’ll get you a glass of water.” As soon as I get to the kitchen, I rest my hands on the edge of the counter and hang my head as my jaw releases to let out the long hard breaths I’d been holding in the bathroom. I feel dizzy and my chest constricts like what I imagine a heart attack might feel like.

Lucy. This is for Lucy.

For her … I pull my shit together, stand tall, take in as much oxygen as possible, hold it, and let it go slowly while filling a glass with water for Tatum. The kitchen sink overlooks the backyard.

“It’s like a winter day …” Tatum appears in the kitchen before I get the chance to head back to the bathroom. She wipes under her eyes with the pads of her fingers as I turn to face her. “The sun is bright in a cloudless sky. It’s beautiful and all you want is to feel its warmth because it’s been a long winter. And you know … you know it’s always been there, even on the days when you couldn’t see it. But today you see it, and you close your eyes and try so hard to feel it. And sometimes you do. When it’s still and there’s no wind, you can feel its warmth, and it’s everything you remember. It’s life. But that moment is fleeting because in an instant the cold air kicks up and takes your breath away. And you can no longer feel the warmth of the sun. And you can no longer breathe.”

Her gaze goes from the window to me. “I’m in this eternal winter, and Lucy is the sun.” More tears fill her eyes. “And all I want to do is feel her warmth. But it’s so cold. I can’t shake it. The cold. The endless winter. Some days, I swear I could die from the cold all the while the sun is right there … shining down on me.”

After a few seconds of silence and neither one of us moving an inch, I take three steps and hand her the glass of water. Then I head toward the front door to drive my truck to their new house. “Don’t stop,” I say as I open the door. “When you stop and make the sun do everything, it’s hard to not feel the cold. Remember when we’d go hiking in the mountains and you’d stop to take a break or snap some pictures? You’d get cold. I’d tell you to keep moving, but you just wanted me to hold you close to warm you up. So I did, but it was never enough. You had to keep going. Keep moving. You had to help yourself. And that’s the hard thing to remember … we can’t ask too much … even of the sun.”

THEN

“What do you think of this?” I called from the closet, feeling pretty proud that I’d figured out a way to use the wasted area beneath the stairs as a hidden storage space at the back of our closet.

“I think I have the world’s sexiest handyman.”

I glanced over my shoulder while standing on my knees to attach the removable panel. My jeans hung low thanks to my tool belt. Her gaze stuck to my ass. “I feel violated, Mrs. Riley. If your husband finds out you’re gawking at the handyman’s ass, he’ll be pretty pissed off.”

She rested her hand on her nine-month belly and grinned. “Serves him right. He’s a thief anyway. Emmett the Thief. The guy is lucky I even gave him the time of day.”

“I hear he’s good in bed.”

Her giggle ended in a snort. “He just has a humongous cock. But sometimes he gets a little lazy and doesn’t use it to its full potential.”

Lifting an eyebrow, I dropped the panel and stood. Unhooking my tool belt, I let it crash to the floor at my feet all while pinning Tatum with a look. “Then leave your big-cocked husband and let me show you what a real man can do.”