For Lucy

It felt like everything, but it wasn’t enough. No amount of work or good deeds could undo what had been done. In her eyes, I killed our son, and it was unforgivable. It was never a measure of her love for me; it was always a testament to her love for Austin.

Chapter Sixteen

NOW

Lucy has a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, and she still sees a psychiatrist. Now, they have more to talk about than just the loss of her brother. I might need to start seeing someone too—just to deal with the irrational feelings a certain doctor’s Lexus parked on my street evokes when I arrive home from work.

It’s been months since the accident, and the good news is Lucy wants to stay with me instead of having me make her mom’s house wheelchair accessible. More good news? I get to see Tatum every day. She no longer spends the night, but she’s here early in the mornings and doesn’t leave until she’s done helping Lucy get ready for bed.

The psychological bonus? Josh is here all the damn time too. Hugging, kissing, flirting with my wife. Talking to my daughter like she’s his daughter. Cooking meat on the grill like it’s his grill. However, he does nothing for me. Would it kill him to clean a bathroom or two? Rake the fallen leaves? Chop wood?

It’s like Tatum looked for someone who is the complete opposite of me. I suppose the un-calloused hands of a surgeon can’t risk getting a splinter or blister from manual labor.

Oh joy … with my late arrival today, they’re already out back enjoying the firepit while the sky tries to spit a little fall snow. Ten bucks says Tatum had to start the fire, but now Josh is playing the manly role of letting my wife sit on his lap as if there aren’t three other chairs around the pit since Lucy is in her wheelchair.

“Hey, Dad.” Lucy smiles.

This girl … she’s in a fucking wheelchair with an unknown future. She has therapy every day and works her ass off. It’s her junior year of high school, and she hasn’t once complained about online schooling or missing out on time at school with her friends. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully convey just how much of a hero she is to me. On my very best day, I don’t come close to being half the person my dear Lucy has become.

“Luce.” I kiss the top of her head. “How’s my girl?” I emphasize the my just to make sure Josh remembers my daughter has a father and doesn’t need another one. Fuck … it was much easier to deal with him when he wasn’t in my face all the time.

“They’re going to use these electrode things on my back to stimulate my muscles.”

“Oh … did you have a doctor’s appointment today?” I ask Lucy, but my gaze is on Tatum cuddled up on Josh’s lap.

“It was last minute. Josh arranged it.” Tatum shrugs like it’s no big deal.

But it is a big deal because we agreed she’d take her to therapy now that she’s going to an office instead of the therapist coming to the house. I can’t take off work every single day, but I always make myself available for her doctor appointments.

“What’s last minute?”

Tatum gives me a look, it’s the “not in front of Josh and Lucy” look. I get it all too often from her.

“I’m going to shower,” I say, giving her the “I’m pissed off” look.

“We saved you a hamburger,” Lucy says.

I transform my face into Mr. Happy just for her. “Thanks.”

After I wash my filthy hands in the mudroom, I inspect the remnants of dinner on the kitchen counter and the mess I’ll clean up later when Josh skips out around nine o’clock with Tatum. He needs to do a better job of helping out around here. I’m not saying it will totally ease the sting of him fucking my wife, but at least I’ll have a clean kitchen so I can spend more time playing video games with Lucy before climbing the stairs to sleep in her old bedroom.

“This morning.”

I turn toward Tatum’s voice as I throw the cold piece of meat onto a bun with some ketchup, mustard, and a slice of lukewarm cheese.

She crosses her arms over her chest and rests her hip against the counter. “It’s a specialist who had a last-minute cancellation. I found out about it this morning, after you’d already left for work.”

I take a massive bite and nod before mumbling over my full mouth. “If only I had a cell phone, you could have called me.”

She rolls her eyes. “It’s one appointment.”

“One appointment about something I’ve never heard about.”

“It’s—”

“No.” I grab a paper towel and wipe my mouth. “I’ll wait for Lucy to tell me all about it.”