“She would hate this,” Lucy continues. “She loves you. I mean, she loves Josh too, but I know she still loves you. When I talk about you, she smiles. She didn’t used to, but now she does. I wonder if she ever wishes she were still with you instead of Josh.”
“Well, I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that time can change people. Josh seems to love her, and if she loves him too, we have to accept that. It’s not tragic.” (I lie) “It’s life. She’s moved on. After Austin died, I was so afraid she would never be the same, never recover from the loss. So in a small way, I celebrated her meeting Josh.”
“He’s not you.”
I laugh. “I think that’s the point. I think she had to find someone who is nothing like me.”
“So … when you’re with her, like today, what do you talk about?”
I swallow and clear my throat. “Um … just stuff. I spent most of my time in the yard and fixing the fence, but she did offer me some banana bread and she had the game on. We talked about you and how wonderful you are.” I grin. “And how exciting it was for you to get to go to the game today. She told me a little bit about the dance competition. Her students won.”
Lucy returns a slow nod. “So you talked like adults, like a married couple.” The grin that appears on her face is sly and mischievous.
We fucked about like adults—actually like teenagers—but it felt nearly as good.
“You have to look at the whole picture, Lucy. It’s no longer just about me and your mom. Things have changed a lot. Josh is a very important part of her life now. As for me, I’m just really happy that she can look at me and it doesn’t make me feel like the worst person in the world. We have to focus on the small victories instead of being greedy and wanting the miracle.”
“You wanted me to walk again. That’s a miracle. Why weren’t you satisfied with me being alive? What’s wrong with wanting everything?”
This girl …
I reach over and squeeze her leg, and it moves. It jerks in response. We grin. “You’re right. Shoot for the stars. Why not, right?”
After dinner, Lucy’s friends stop by to take her for a walk, basically to wheel her to the skate park where I know several of them smoke. My protests don’t hold up to the “I’m almost eighteen” speech or the “I’m still in a wheelchair. Do I not get to have friends anymore?” speech.
I take a seat on the porch swing. It’s not that I’m impatiently waiting for her return … Okay, it’s one hundred percent that. Within minutes of taking a seat with my cold root beer, Tatum turns into the driveway on her bike. What are the chances of us having alone time twice in one day?
I grin. “Your tires are flat.”
She gets off her bike. “I know. That’s why I’m here.”
Setting my root beer on the railing, I make my way down the ramp and turn toward the garage. “Did Josh not come by after he dropped Lucy off?”
“He did.” She follows me with her bike.
“And he couldn’t fit your bike into the back of his vehicle to get air in your tires?”
“He didn’t know I was going for a bike ride. And he got called into the hospital.”
I flip on the compressor and fill up her tires. “There you go.”
“Thanks.” She gives me a reserved smile, not like the one she gave me earlier today before we kissed. “Emmett?”
“Yeah?” I wind up the hose and turn toward her.
“I told Josh that something happened between us.” She scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip several times.
“Okay,” I say slowly. “Do I need to sleep with one eye open?”
“He gave me an ultimatum.”
“An ultimatum? Like … you can never see me again? Because that’s not realistic with Lucy.”
“No. It’s not that. He said if I was truly sorry, and I really did love him, that I had to make a decision.”
“A decision?”
“Emmett …” Her face does that painful contortion thing. “We ended. We ended tragically. And while I’m glad we can be friends now, that in some ways I can forgive you, I know it’s fragile. We’re fragile. If I stare too long at you, all I see is him.”
Him. She still can’t say his name.
“And when I see him, I’m reminded of the events of that day, and the resentment comes back. And I know … I really do know that I have no room to point fingers, not after what happened with Lucy. But maybe that’s the ultimate sign for both of us. You should be able to look at someone you love and not think of their greatest mistake. And I should be able to do the same thing.”