"Lilly, I have something to tell you." I wanted to continue — to spill my guts but the words got stuck.
After a moment's silence she said, "Well, don't keep me hanging. I don’t know how much more good news I can handle." She ended her comment with the dry laugh.
"I have said this before, but I have to say it again. I am not lying when I tell you that I think you are perfect. I know that I use that word frequently because that is my job really — a pursuit of physical perfection. Sometimes, women — and a few men need a little something to help them conquer life but I do not get that vibe from you. I know that you perceive some flaws in your body or with your body but to be honest with you, I can't heartily recommend that you have the surgery..."
"Bullet, I know you don't understand my motives but I..." I had to interrupt her or I would never get this out.
"Lilly, please let me finish. I have to tell you this. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen women change after their surgery. They come in feeling insecure, hoping for the best and when the bruises are gone and the improvements are made, they change. I did not want this to happen to you. I liked you just like you were. I don't know how else — I didn't know how else to persuade you to change your mind about this surgery so I made it up." I felt a weight lift off my chest. Lilly got quiet on the other end. I didn't hear her breathe or make a sound.
In a whisper she said, "What are you sayi
ng? You lied to me? You want to decide what is best for me? You don't have that right — you are a doctor for God's sake." Her voice shook with anger, and I knew this was not going well. I should have kept my mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may.
Might as well come clean now. "I'm saying that I made a mistake. There was nothing wrong with your blood work — nothing wrong at all. I was stalling for time, hoping that you would change your mind. I thought that we could talk about this tomorrow at lunch. I am sorry. Please believe me when I tell you that I thought I was helping you." I poured another drink. I would probably need a few more before the night was over.
"I don't even know what to say to you. This isn't very ethical behavior for a board-certified surgeon is it? Why would you think that you could determine what I do with my own body and why would you lead me to believe I was sick, possibly dangerously ill? What am I going to say to my doctor? I trusted you Bullet but you blew that out of the water pretty damn quick." I deserved every bit of criticism she gave me.
"You are completely and justifiably pissed off at me. I get that. I wanted you know the truth. I realize that I let this go too far, that I let things get out of hand. I'm sorry Lilly." Another moment of silence arrived. I expected her to scream at me, to yell at me but nothing. "Are you still there?"
"Goodbye, Bullet," she said in a calm but steady voice.
"Wait! Lilly please talk to me. Have lunch with me tomorrow, I know we can talk this out."
"I don't think that is such a good idea. I have trust issues and you did not help to heal them. I was attracted to you but now I know the man I was attracted to was just a fantasy. That is all I can say."
"Before you hang up, promise me that you will think about it. I will be there tomorrow at twelve at Cathedral Square. If you can make it, please come." She didn’t answer me, she just hung up. In the end I was glad I came clean but I knew that it would probably cost me whatever I had with her- at the very least it might cost me my license. I guess my future is now in her hands and I had put it there. Crap! After a few more drinks, I crawled into bed and dreamt about spending the night with a dozen Lilly's. It was a nice dream and better than the reality I had created.
By the time I made it to the office, I checked my voicemail box twice and called my assistant. Why was I stressing over this girl? The morning flew by as I spent my time with my patients. At a quarter till noon I drove to Cathedral Square. I claimed my usual spot at a small table on the patio. By noon, I suspected that Lilly was not going to appear. I decided not to think about how that made me feel.
Instead, I turned my attention to a cute blonde who sat just a few tables over. From the side she looked a little like Lilly with her golden curls and chiseled profile. The blonde and her girlfriend tossed a few tentative smiles my way and I returned their smiles with a charming nod. If Miss Brightwood chose not to appear, it might be a good idea to have a backup.
The server walked past me again, I began to feel a little self-conscious about waiting on a "friend" who might not show up. On this pass, I accepted a menu and ordered a turkey club. It was past noon so I ordered a rum and coke too. Screw it. I had surgeries tomorrow but I could handle it. I looked at my watch again and slid my sunglasses over my eyes. It was an overcast day but I wanted to wait for Lilly without being too obvious.
I wondered if she would come. I thought about how I lied to her and how I might make it up. Was I willing to pursue or should I just let it go? I took a swig of my drink and ordered another one. I was delightfully surprised to discover that the nearby table sent me a drink over. That was an unexpected change. I assessed them again. Not so much like Lilly now. She had lips that were too full and a nose that had an unusual bump in the center. Probably broken as a child. Her friend was a little prettier. A petite brunette with delicate features. I loved the cleft in her chin. That was so hard to mimic. It took skill but I could do it.
I looked at my watch again. Lilly had a few more minutes then I might decide to change tables.