“Really?” I asked, a little taken back by his answer. It had come so quickly that it ha
d taken me off guard.
“If I’m being honest, he reminds me a lot of myself… back when I was doing drugs and slacking off on work and making excuses for myself. But I had you guys, and that was what helped me find myself again. Devlin doesn’t have that support.”
“He had me,” I pointed out. Again, I felt that little spasm of hurt and disappointment. Was I not enough for him?
“I think that was the whole reason he was trying so hard to change,” Seth said.
“Wait… you really think he was trying hard to change?” I asked.
“I actually do,” Seth said.
“I thought you were pissed off at him?” I asked.
“I am pissed off at him,” Seth said vehemently. “He hurt you and every time I think about it I want to kick his ass… but that doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of separating what he wanted to do with what he ended up doing.”
“What would you say if I told you I was thinking of giving him another chance?” I asked.
Seth raised his eyebrows. “Are you?”
“No,” I said. “Yes… urgh… I honestly don’t know. I’m just confused and sad at the moment, and I can’t think straight because of it. I haven’t made a decision yet. I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust him again. And even if I can learn to trust him again, I don’t know if I should. That’s why I just… I guess I just want to know what you think.”
“What I think is that no one knows Devlin like you do,” Seth replied. “This is your relationship and your life… if you choose to give him a chance I will support you. If you choose to move on, I will support you. And if you want me to kick his ass for you, all I need is an address.”
Mom chuckled, and I laughed. “Thank you… I’ll keep that in mind.”
35
Devlin
I saw the fire engine come in and a few minutes later I saw Seth jump out from the back of the truck. His uniform looked worse for the wear. He was covered in black soot, and he wore an expression of exhaustion. He and his team had been out for hours, and they had needed to call in back up too.
For the first time since I’d been assigned to the fire station, I saw the heroism in what they did. It was an absurd thing to even think considering everyone knew what firemen did and what they risked every day. It was just indicative of my own narcissism that I hadn’t appreciated that fact until just now. I had just been so preoccupied with my own problems that I had failed to take into consideration that these men were doing something I could never do. How they treated me shouldn’t have affected my perception or my respect for what they did.
I wanted to talk to Seth casually so that I could just slip in a few questions about Zoey, but I knew this wasn’t the time. I gave him his space and concentrated on the work I needed to get done.
I worked another couple of hours, and then I headed into the lounge area where the men relaxed between calls so that I could sign out with Seth. He was lying flat on a sofa with a pillow over his head but as I approached he looked up.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” I replied. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
“You didn’t,” Seth replied, and I noticed he didn’t seem as hostile. “I was up… just resting.”
“Difficult day?”
“We had a major fire in the city precinct,” Seth replied. “Lost two people.”
“No.”
“Yeah,” Seth sighed.
No wonder he didn’t sound so hostile towards me. He was probably too exhausted to be anything but deflated.
“But we managed to save a few dozen others,” Seth continued. “So… that’s something.”
“That’s huge,” I said. “I’d count that as a victory.”