"Oh, it was pretty happy, but I think I know a place that is even better: right here, in this bed, with you. Nothing makes me happier than when I'm with you, Kayla Brandt."
Her eyes lit up as she beamed at me with pure joy. "I knew taking you there today would finally get you to commit to me. I'm happiest when I'm with you, too. I only want to be with you for the rest of my life."
"Wait a minute. That's not what I said," I objected, bringing her trail of tender kisses down my chest to an abrupt halt. She sat up straight and stared at me with a look of true heartbreak.
"What are you saying? You still don't want to commit to me?"
"That's what I've always said. Nothing has changed between us; let's just keep things the way they are. "
"Why? So, you can fuck other women if you want to? Are you seeing someone else?"
"No, of course not, but why fix something that isn't broken? What we have together works perfectly. Let's just keep it that way."
"It may work perfectly for you, but it doesn't for me. I love you, and I want to know that you love me, too, and only me. I want to know that I can count on you to be faithful to me and that you'll always be there for me, through good times and bad, the way that I promise to always be there for you. I want to know that this relationship has a future, and that someday we'll get married and maybe even have children of our own."
It was the first time she had said aloud that she loved me, and I was dumbfounded. I loved her, too, and I wish we had spoken the words in a moment of tenderness and not in the heat of anger. Even so, just hearing her say it out loud made my heart soar.
She had gotten out of bed and was putting her clothes back on.
"What are you doing?" I cried out in sudden alarm.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going back to my apartment."
"Don't go. Stay the night. I'll have my driver take you home in the morning," I coaxed, but she was inconsolable. She grabbed a duffel bag from the closet and started shoving her things inside it angrily.
"Don't you get it? I'm not staying the night now or ever again," she raged at me, and the look in her eyes was one of pure hatred. It hit me like a punch to the gut, and I suddenly felt nauseous.
"What are you saying? You're breaking up with me?"
"How can I break up with someone who was never committed to me in the first place? I'm just not willing to be your casual fuck buddy any more. What we have may be good enough for you, but it's not for me and I'm tired of settling for less than I deserve. I did that already with Mick, but this time around, I'm not going to take so long to stand up for myself and what I want."
"You just told me you love me and now you're going to walk out and never come back?" I was incredulous. This couldn't be happening.
"I do love you, but I'm not sure you love me. It's ironic..." She laughed without humor.
"You're the one who taught me to have the confidence in myself not to settle for guys like you, and now you're the one trying to charm me into wasting years of my life with a man who just wants to use me for sex.
“For the briefest moment, when we were at my parents’ house this weekend, I thought you might have evolved from this spoiled playboy bachelor into a real man who would commit to me, but now I see that was just a ruse. Well, I can't let myself stay with you just because I love you if you're never going to commit to me. Goodbye, Ethan Colson. It's been incredible, and I'll never forget you."
She gave me one last long kiss goodbye. Then, she picked up her bag and strode from the room. I picked up a bottle of scotch from the bar and started drinking without a glass. I didn't stop until I passed out with the nearly empty bottle still in my hand.
The next morning, I felt like shit. I couldn't tell if it was the heartache or the hangover, but it didn't matter. I popped another bottle of scotch from the bar and started drinking it for breakfast. The day blurred into night, and I just kept medicating myself with liquor.
For the first time in my life, I truly understood my father. I used to thin
k he was weak. I thought he was a fool with no courage and no will power to let the loss of a woman drive him to such despair. I thought I could outsmart him and not make his same mistakes by refusing to fall in love. I kept women at a distance, using them as sexual objects and avoiding having any kind of true emotional intimacy with them, and ever since my breakup with Gwyneth, I had succeeded — until Kayla had come into my life.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I had been doomed from the moment I first laid eyes on her, looking so intoxicating in the damn bikini top with her sweet smile and blue eyes. She was laying a trap for me the entire time, luring me in with her hot body and then trapping me with her winning personality. I couldn't stay away, couldn't stop thinking about her and wanting to know more about her.
"Ethan, wake up. It's after noon," a familiar female voice was calling my name and shaking me by the shoulder vigorously. Could it be her? my groggy mind wondered hopefully, but no — the voice wasn't right.
I opened my grainy eyes and stared blearily up into the face of none other than my former assistant, Angela. She looked beautiful, with her red hair falling around her porcelain face in soft waves, like an angel come to rescue me.
"Come on, let's get you into the shower and put some food into your stomach." She dragged me out of bed, stripped me down, and shoved me under the spray of a cold shower. The blast of icy water shocked me out of my groggy hangover, and I rushed to turn the temperature up.
"You stink and you look like shit. Get cleaned up and meet me in your kitchen," Angela insisted in the same capable tone she would use when we used to work together. She had always been superb at her job. She never took any crap from me and had a way of making sure things got done with excellent precision, and this was no exception.
She handed me a bar of soap and closed the door behind her as she left. I had to admit the hot water washing away all the spilt booze, sweat, and vomit from my grimy flesh felt good, even though my head was pounding.