Of course, I didn’t want the poor guy to fail. I was just speaking from experience and the dozens who had come before him and given up the second they had to actually do some work.
When my family came to visit me that first weekend, I had even tried to get them to let me come home. But luckily my parents were tough and told me I wouldn’t be able to stay with them if I left treatment. I didn’t appreciate their tough love at all in that moment, but by the time I finished the treatment program, I was able to see just how much I was loved. If I hadn’t been loved so darn much by them, it was highly likely I wouldn’t even be alive.
My drinking and partying had taken over my life. I was depressed and didn’t give a crap about anything that was going on with myself or my family. My own father had had a heart attack and I didn’t even go see him in the hospital.
When I looked back at how badly I behaved, it made me sick to my stomach. That girl wasn’t who
I wanted to be. That wild girl who hated everyone wasn’t at all the way I wanted to live my life. I was so grateful that my family had stuck by me through my horrible attitude and behavior.
That was probably another reason I tried to be so understanding with the patients in our facility. If they didn’t have family or other people to support them, there was no way they would ever be successful. I knew from firsthand experience that while going through treatment, an addict was going to push away anyone who showed any sort of caring toward them.
Love, caring, and support were scary to an addict. We feel like there’s an expectation that comes with those sorts of feelings and we don’t want to be part of it. But I knew better now.
I knew that there didn’t have to be an expectation when you cared for someone or when you let someone else care for you. You could just accept their kindness. It had taken me thirty days of treatment and countless AA meetings to finally get the hang of accepting help; I couldn’t expect new patients to understand when they first arrived at the facility.
When I finally made it back home, I showered quickly and headed to my bedroom to crash. I was always exhausted, but the excitement of having a new patient at work made me want to ensure I was going to be in a good mood at work the next day.
I had already been embarrassed in front of the guy, I couldn’t go into the next day without a full level of self-control and compassion. Erik was going to get to be a much bigger jerk before he calmed down – if he ever calmed down. It was likely that the other techs weren’t going to agree to work with him if he was rude to them, or they would work with him and not be as supportive as I could be. But I was going to need some sleep if I was going to be able to put up with his attitude the next day.
Sleep had always been such a healing property for me, and I encouraged patients to sleep, as well. Unfortunately, sometimes my encouragement meant they thought it was all right to sleep all the time and not participate at all. But that wasn’t what I meant; I just wanted them to sleep when they could. While I had been in treatment, sleeping had revitalized me and given me the focus I needed to pay attention in groups and participate.
Participating in the group meetings was a huge key to learning more about myself and understanding my addiction. It was also an essential element to the patients getting a room with a door, too. The rich who attended Paradise Peak weren’t use to having rules in their lives and living in a room without a door irritated them; being forced to participate in order to get a better room often irritated them even more.
As I closed my eyes, I kept seeing Erik and that damn smile of his as he had asked me where my piercing was. It was unnerving how clear that memory still was in my head. I certainly didn’t like the guy; he was a jerk and didn’t seem to at all care who he was rude to. I tried desperately to get him off of my mind as I finally fell asleep.
Chapter Four
Erik
“Mr. Levy, it’s time for morning group,” the technician called as I tried to open my eyes.
“Morning what? It’s still dark outside.”
“It’s winter in the mountains; the sun doesn’t come up until after eight.”
“I don’t get up until after eight, either. Now leave me the hell alone.”
The technician did leave me and went on her way gathering up the other suckers around the unit and getting them to whatever the hell morning group was. I couldn’t imagine that it was a very enjoyable situation since it was only seven o’clock. Certainly, they would have better luck if they waited until the sun actually came up.
I closed my eyes and tried my best to get back to sleep, but the commotion going on in the day room area was too much for me. It seemed that they had convinced everyone else on the unit to get up and they were all talking and joking like it was a normal occurrence to climb out of bed even before the sun managed to climb out of its own nightly hibernation.
All I wanted to do was shut a door and block out the noise so I could get some rest. Was it really that important that I had a room without any privacy? It seemed like I was paying an awful lot of money each day for a program that couldn’t even provide me with a door.
Slowly, I climbed out of bed and used the restroom. I decided to take a warm shower in the hopes that I would be able to relax a little and get back to sleep. After sleeping only three hours, I was exhausted. My body wasn’t use to having to fall asleep without a substance to induce relaxation, so I had spent most of the evening staring up at the ceiling and hoping my body would eventually get tired enough.
I turned the water on and let it run until it got warm. It certainly wasn’t hot, but at least it was warm and I could appreciate that for a short time period. After throwing my clothes onto the ground, I climbed into the shower and reached for the curtain to pull it across.
“Bloody hell!” I screamed as I realized there wasn’t even a curtain in the bathroom. “I can’t even have a tiny bit of privacy to shower?” I grumbled.
This place was quickly getting on my last nerve. I was paying more for this treatment facility than a five-star hotel. How on earth did they think no shower curtain and no door was a good idea? Sure, with the wall to the bathroom no one could technically see me, but all they had to do was take a few steps into my room and they would have a sausage show.
“Is everything all right in there, Mr. Levy?” I heard the technician ask from outside of the doorway.
There really was only about two feet of wall separating my naked body from her eyes. It seemed like a pretty bad idea to have a co-ed unit with no doors and no shower curtains. Anyone could just step into my room and get a peek at my Johnson. I couldn’t believe I was at this place, and my agitation was growing by the minute.
“I’m fine. Just suffering through the realization that I don’t have even a tiny bid of privacy.”
“Okay, I’ll be leaving soon, but I’ll have the day shift come check on you in a bit. Come out to the tables for breakfast at eight o’clock or you won’t get any.”