“There’s a blue button under the nurses’ station. Push it; the operator will ask what’s going on. They’ll send the doctor and call 911 for you. Where’s the nurse at?”
Just then Margaret came running into the room. I didn’t get to work with her very often, and I was already very unimpressed at how long it had taken her to get to our emergency.
“I was giving meds. How long has she been seizing?”
“Maybe 30 seconds or so.” I really didn’t know. Time seemed to be standing still.
“Her chart said she was drinking a fifth of vodka daily. I bet she lied about that. Go wait at the back door for the ambulance. They’re going to need to get in here quickly.”
Officer Pinter was running onto the unit as I went to the back door to wait. He was a police officer and had first aid skills much better than mine, so I felt a little relieved to have the nurse and him in the room with Brianna.
“Get the defibrillator, she doesn’t have a pulse,” I heard Margaret yell as Mr. March came running onto the unit.
Mr. March didn’t hesitate at all and ran behind the nurses’ station to grab the black, soft-sided box mounted on the wall. Erik moved out of the way but stayed standing behind the counter as Mr. March rushed passed. He had probably just reached the 911 operator by then; it was going to be at least five minutes before an ambulance would arrive.
My hands started to shake, and I leaned against the wall as I tried to listen to what was going on and watch out the window for the ambulance all at the same time. She had to be okay. She had a husband and a family. There were so many people in her life who loved her. I started to cry. If they were using the defibrillator, things were more serious than any patient we had ever had on our unit.
“She’ll be okay,” I heard Erik say as he came and stood next to me and watched out the window for the ambulance as I slumped down to the ground and put my hands over my eyes. “They know what they’re doing. She will be okay,” he continued as he tried to reassure me.
Erik was talking quietly, and I wasn’t sure if he was reassuring himself or me. Brianna’s room was filled with people and I couldn’t hear what was happening over all of their voices. I was scared. Terrified, really. She was my age. Sure, she had a much different life than me; she was married with three kids, but Brianna was only twenty-four years old. She couldn’t die. She just couldn’t.
Erik grabbed one of the nurses to open the door and then held it as the ambulance pulled right up to the building. They had all their gear ready and looked serious as they rushed inside.
“Room two,” he said as he pointed to Brianna’s room.
The other medic pulled the stretcher out of the vehicle and brought it into the hallway. I was terrified. Brianna wasn’t someone I knew well and I obviously didn’t know her enough to love her. But there were people who loved her; there were three little girls who would forever grow up without a mother if Brianna died. I couldn’t take the thought of it.
Within a couple of minutes, the stretcher was being wheeled out and one medic was delivering chest compressions while the other and Officer Pinter pushed the gurney out to the ambulance. Her skin was pale and grayish in color. I feared she was gone and slid back down to the ground in tears. I had never seen a dead person before.
My emotions were so raw at the possibility that I had done something wrong. If I had called the doctor sooner, maybe she would have been all right. The guilt was eating me alive.
For nearly a half of an hour after Brianna was taken away, the unit was quiet. Everyone sat in the day area or in their rooms. Anytime the phone rang, we anxiously thought it was news about her. Even Mr. March sat with us as we contemplated what had just happened.
This young, vibrant mother of three had been brought to our facility in a last ditch effort to get help. Her husband had feared for his wife’s wellbeing and threatened to leave her if she didn’t get help. So, she had reluctantly agreed to be admitted. But had it been too late? Had the lies she told about her usage amount caused her to risk her life even more than she had been?
Many people didn’t understand how dangerous withdrawals from alcohol really were. On admission, our staff always tried to get honest answers from people, but alcoh
olics and drug addicts weren’t the most honest of people. If a potential patient reported drinking too much alcohol, we required them to detox at the local hospital; it was the safest place to be if something bad happened. But there was no way to know for sure if someone was lying about how much they drank.
“You were great this morning,” I said to Erik as I went and sat at his table with him and Brad.
“He was a fucking rock star,” Brad added. “Seriously, dude, if I was ever dying, I’d totally want it to be around you.”
“I think that was a compliment,” Erik said as he looked at me and we both laughed.
Brad was a funny fellow. One minute he was joking, the next he was telling you how horrible something was. I always had to take a minute and process what he was saying just to make sure he wasn’t actually saying something horrible to me. I tried not to take offense though, even when he was a bit horrible; it was just his personality.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“That was scary as hell, though. I really hope she’s all right,” Erik added.
“I know. She’s got a husband and three little girls. I could tell she loved them so much. I hope someone called them.”
“Yeah, I heard Mr. March call her husband,” Brad added.
“Life is so short. I mean, seriously. Any one of us could be killed in an accident. It’s stupid all the shit we do to risk our lives even more than natural selection does,” I said.
No one responded to my statement, but I could tell both of the guys were thinking about it. Addiction was a terrible disease. So many people in the world thought it was a choice, but I knew better. Not only from my own life, but by watching what had just happened with Brianna. There was no way she wanted to leave her precious children and die. She didn’t drink because she wanted to. There was an addiction that had a hold of her so deeply that it was taking away everything that she held dear to her heart. I closed my eyes and held my hands together as I said a little prayer for Brianna to make it through the day.