Having a room with a door on it wasn’t all that special to me anymore. Although it had been the only thing I could concentrate on when I first arrived, I had started to just leave my door open most of the time.
Instead of hiding away from everyone, I liked being open to visitors. We had new people arriving after New Year’s, and Jarrod and I talked about how I was now an example to them of what could work well for their treatment if they worked hard.
It baffled me that I could be an example for anyone, but it further fueled my new mindset that I was going to take advantage of my time in Aspen and really move forward.
As I sat in my bed, I furiously penned some new ideas for business, movies, and helping others. My mind felt so clear and focused. It hadn’t been like that since I left home and went off to college. That time in my life was filled with focus for a future that I wanted so desperately I was willing to give up everything that I knew.
Would I be willing to give up the past I had known for the last few years? I hoped so. I hoped that I would be able to put my new skills to work and finally be able to stay sober. What I had thought was just me messing around was a full-blown addiction and I now took responsibility for that.
I still wasn’t all that sure I knew how to control my urges. I wasn’t sure I would be able to stay sober with the skills I was learning at Paradise Peak, but I sure as hell wanted to try and be the man I knew I had inside of me.
Chapter Seventeen
Cassidy
For a week, Erik had pretty much been ignoring me. He would say hi in the halls as he walked past to some sort of group he had signed up for. I didn’t think he was angry with me, but I really had no idea. We hadn’t had more than 30 seconds of time alone in any one sitting since he had returned from Christmas at my house.
He was doing what he was supposed to be doing. If he and I had truly just been patient and employee, I wouldn’t have thought anything at all about how he was acting. Erik was working his program and seemed extremely zoned in on his treatment plan and what would happen after he left the facility.
The girl in me felt left out, though. I saw him running around with a smile on his face and focus in his eyes, and I wished I was more of a part of whatever was making him happy. But the adult in me knew this was exactly what Erik needed. He needed to focus on himself without whatever it was that he and I had been doing before. If anything, his new focus on his treatment made him even sexier to me.
He wasn’t stopping to flirt with me; he wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing. His number one focus was himself, as it should be when you were in treatment.
It was funny that I was internally complaining about him not flirting with me, when only a few weeks before I had been complaining that he was flirting too much. Apparently, I hadn’t found my happy median yet.
When New Year’s Eve came, I volunteered to be on shift because I was one of the few people who didn’t want to go out. Being sober and the New Year’s holiday didn’t mix well for me. I found it incredibly hard to go out and have a good time now that I didn’t drink. Not to say that I didn’t think eventually I would be able to do it, just at the moment, I wasn’t able to find my groove.
The overnight shift wasn’t going to be boring on New Year’s. Everyone was hyped up and excited to watch the big Ball Dr
op event in New York City. Even though it was two hours ahead of Colorado time, it was the best event to watch on television. There were going to be some of the biggest names in music and movies on the show. I was actually excited to be at work with the patients instead of at home with my family – at least it seemed a little less boring.
Susan was the only nurse on staff for the night, and she had to stay on the secure unit with one of the technicians. I was left alone on my unit unless there was a medication issue that I had to call her for. It didn’t happen very often that we staffed ourselves so short, but I wasn’t concerned about it, at all. Everyone would be asleep after the ball dropped in New York, and then the rest of the night was just making sure everyone slept and there were no medical issues.
“All right, everyone, I’ve got snacks for the big night,” I said as I wheeled a cart full of all the snacks I could find in the back room.
There was a collective cheer in the room, and Brianna got up to help me hand out some cups with juice in them. Brianna had been a bit lost since she had returned from the hospital. She was used to caring for three small children all the time, so being in treatment and only having herself to worry about was difficult for her.
Snacks while in a drug treatment facility were like getting a letter from home. Patients got so tired of the healthy food that was being served and would become desperate for candy and soda if they could get their hands a hold of it.
“Erik, chocolate or sour candy?” I asked as I held up two boxes of candy.
“Chocolate, of course.” He laughed.
I handed out a box of candy for each patient and left the rest of the snacks for people to pillage through throughout the night. We had pulled all the couches to one side of the unit and in front of the big television so we could watch the show in comfort that evening.
“Here,” Erik said quietly as he put his hand on the empty cushion and motioned me to sit with him.
I couldn’t help but smile. I felt better about things just getting to sit near him. I had relegated myself to being his friend. I knew we both could use a nice solid and sober friend outside of the walls of Paradise Peak.
“My mom says hi,” I whispered as we watched the show.
No one else was paying attention to the two of us as we sat at the back of the group; they were all enthralled with the show on the television. My mom had continued to ask me questions about Erik every day since Christmas. She had even decided that it was perfectly fine if I wanted to date him because I wasn’t his therapist or doctor; I just worked in the same building. My father stayed pretty quiet about the whole thing, but he didn’t specifically object to my mother’s logic.
I had to admit, I had run that same logic through my mind, too. I had even taken the time to look through my employee manual and didn’t find anything that would actually prevent me from dating Erik after he left. Although, my logical side continued to say it was probably a bad idea.
Would it really be all that bad if two consenting adults, like Erik and I, decided to have some sort of relationship? Certainly it had to have happened at some point before in the facility’s history.
“Tell your mom I said hi back. You’re really lucky to have her. Since my mom passed away, there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I don’t miss her terribly.”