’t want to do him any kindness, actually, and me coming here only made him miserable. The nurses saw what they wanted; they were always exclaiming how Pete’s spirits seemed lifted for days after we had a visit, and that it was doing him a world of good that I hadn’t just forgotten about him there, the way so many other people would have.
The truth was, Pete fucking hated me, all the more now because I was healthy, able-bodied, and I was driving his car. He just had no way to express this, other than a wild shifting of his eyes that always happened whenever I first appeared in the doorway.
“I’ve had quite the day,” I said. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. If Wendy were to stick her head in the room right now, she’d smile because on the surface, this was the sort of picture you could put on the landing page of Eagle Hollow’s website. But really, I felt repulsed. I left my hand there for as long as I could stomach. Pete’s muscles had atrophied; he was little more than bones and soft flesh. Hard to believe that this was the same person that had kicked the shit out of me so many times. Hard to believe that it wouldn’t require much more effort than what I’d exert to wipe my ass to break Pete in half now. Just be done with it. But this was more fun, actually. Why end his suffering when I could prolong it, and make it even worse? I looked out the window, down at the car. “She’s lookin good, isn’t she? Still driving like a dream. There’s really nothing better than stepping on that accelerator and feeling the way the engine just comes to life.”
He made a gurgling sound.
“We hired a new girl at work,” I continued. I pulled over one of the chairs and sat so we were facing each other, our knees almost touching. “Annie left. Remember Annie? I told you all about her. I tried to be very specific with the details because I wanted you to know that everything you used to tell me was wrong. You remember all that shit you used to tell me? How I was a pussy, a fag, how no girl would ever look twice at me? You remember that?”
I kept my tone light as I spoke. Pete’s eyes swiveled in their sockets. “Anyway,” I said. “Wendy mentioned that you seemed kind of agitated lately. You’re probably agitated because you knew it was Wednesday and that I’d be paying you a visit, right? You probably get this feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach on Tuesday night. Maybe even earlier. Maybe it starts when you wake up Tuesday morning, and you know that the next day is Wednesday and there isn’t shit you can do about the fact that I’m going to be dropping in on you. You probably just assumed that after Mom died, you’d never have to see me again. Well, guess what, Pete? You were wrong. If you had left me the fuck alone when I was a kid, then maybe we could’ve parted ways after Mom died, or, maybe I’d come visit you like I am now, except it’d actually be because I wanted to see you, not because I hated your fucking guts. And nothing makes me happier than getting to drive up in that car of yours and knowing that you’re right here at the window, having to see the whole damn thing.”
He made a coughing sound, like something was stuck in his throat. I sat back and let the words sink in, let my very presence be an irritant that he couldn’t get rid of. What Pete had failed to realize, all those years ago when I was just a kid, was that the balance of power could shift. He had just assumed he’d always have the upper hand; he’d always be bigger, stronger. But the balance of power had indeed shifted, and I had no intention of ever letting it tilt back the other way.
Chapter Six
Daisy
Every couple of months, my mother and I would get together for coffee. We used to try to go out to a restaurant and get a meal, but we were seldom able to spend that much time together without getting into some sort of argument. Getting coffee could take as long—or as short—as you wanted, and that seemed to work out far better for the two of us.
It was a little sad, though. We both lived here in the same city—shouldn’t we be able to get together more than every few months? There were girls I’d gone to college with who were best friends with their moms. They hung out all the time, they confided in their mothers, they went shopping together or out to the movies. I wanted something similar but wasn’t sure how to go about getting it. Also, I wasn’t sure if my mother would be on board with that.
She was a formidable woman, my mother. She had a way of walking into a room that people would notice, though she wasn’t doing it for attention. She was tall, which might have had something to do with it, but it was mostly because she was incredibly self-assured. And people like that exude that sort of confidence, and it’s something that those who lack it will notice. Ian was the same way.
When I showed up to the café, my mother waved me over to the corner table she was sitting at. I ordered a mocha and then made my way over and sat down.
“Hi, Mom,” I said. “Sorry I’m late. I got held up at work.”
“Busy day at the salon?”
I was about to answer when the barista called my name. “I’ll be right back,” I said. I went over to the counter and got my drink. I could feel my mother’s eyes on me the whole time. I knew she thought I was wasting my time at the salon. Maybe she’d be glad to hear that I had a new job. I took a tiny sip of my drink and then walked back over to the table and sat down again.
“I actually started working at a new place,” I said. My mother raised her eyebrows.
“Oh?” she said. “I didn’t realize that you’d left the hair salon.”
“Yeah, I did. I was ready for a change.” I hadn’t mentioned any of that to her; I wanted to wait until I had a new job before I told her I’d left.
“I thought you were pretty happy there.”
“I was.”
“So where is this new job?”
“It’s at Hard Tail Security.”
“Hard Tail Security? What is that, exactly?”
“It’s a security firm. I’m handling the administrative work there mostly. This guy I know from the gym, Jonathan, he’s the manager there and he got me the interview.”
Mom nodded. “Does it have potential for growth?”
I nodded, even though I wasn’t sure. “Probably,” I said. “I haven’t really talked to them about that though, since I just started. I wanted to get used to everything before I began asking about moving up.”
“What about going back to school?”
“I don’t think now’s the right time for that.”
Mom pursed her lips. A few tables over from us, a girl who was probably just a few years younger than me sat with her laptop, textbooks open on the table in front of her. She had that focused expression of someone who was deeply involved in whatever she was studying. Mom cast a sidelong glance her way and then looked at me pointedly. “You’re not getting any younger, Daisy. The longer you stay away from school, the harder it’s going to be to get back into it when you finally decide that you want to go back.”