Julie scrunched her face in mock pain. “Why do you do this to yourself? Isn't it time that you got over Tom? Why are you still going out and getting so wasted that you're like death the next day? I thought it was lots of fun at first, but now it's old, Natalie. You have to get over things and move on.”
“Oh man, this has nothing to do with Tom. In fact, aside from a phone call I got from him a week ago, I barely think about him anymore.”
“Wait, Tom called you? What did he say?”
“Nothing. I didn't answer the call; I ignored it. And he never called back. I can't imagine what he wanted, but it couldn't have been very important, or he would have called back, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I'm kind of shocked, though. I never thought he would have the balls to call you after all that, but it's probably a good thing you didn't answer the call. You don't need that nonsense.”
/> “Tell me about it.” I sipped my tea, and the warmth relaxed me and eased some of the pain my body was in. I continued to sip, lost in thought.
“Okay, well, if it isn't Tom, then what's the deal?”
“Couldn't tell you. It's Jet, and I mean, it's not that Jet is doing anything to cause me to go out and get drunk. He actually has no effect on me like that at all. But when we are together, we're just ridiculous and reckless.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for one, we have had sex multiple times and it's never been sober. I actually grew a brain last night and walked out of his room before we did it again. Being around him and drinking lowers my inhibitions, and I feel free when I'm with him. In part, I think that's okay, because I think he brings me out of my shell, but I also end up on my death bed the next day.”
She nodded. “Well, to be honest, I think you need to start figuring out what Jet means to you, and what you really want from him. ‘Cause if you genuinely don't want anything more from him than friendship, then you need to kill the sex, really. But if you do want more, then I think you owe it to both of you to have that conversation so you can stop sitting on the fence. I think that's why you're doing all this?because you're on the fence.”
“Maybe. Thanks a lot, Julie. You helped me a lot.”
She reached over and pulled me in for a hug. When we separated, I plopped myself back into my pillows to finish my tea.
“Thanks for the tea, too, by the way.”
She smiled and headed out the door, closing it behind her. I lay back and closed my eyes, thinking about the things that Julie had said. The truth of the matter was I didn't know what the hell I wanted. I opened my eyes and reached for my phone. I sent a message to Jet and asked if he would come over tonight to pose for a drawing. He replied in about half a minute and said he would be there. I set my phone down, and curled into my pillow for another nap.
When Jet arrived that evening, he looked a little sheepish. When I opened the door, he came straight in and sat on the couch.
“Hey, Jet, would you like something to drink?”
“What are you having?”
“Oh, you pretty much destroyed me last night, so I'm drinking water and coffee at this point. But you are welcome to have a beer if you want.”
He laughed. “Ahh no, I've been feeling sort of rough myself since I got up, so I'll have a coffee as well.”
I went into the kitchen and grabbed a mug out of the cupboard. I picked up the pot of coffee I had brewed and poured him a cup. It was hot and steamy as it rose from the cup.
“What do you take in it?” I asked.
“Just cream for me, thanks.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I don't intake a lot of sugar, believe it or not.”
I nodded and retrieved the cream from the fridge. I poured it into the mug and stirred it with a spoon. I carried the cup into the living room and handed it to him. I sat beside him on the couch.
He stared at me almost longingly, and I had the urge to touch him. I restrained myself, however, and waited for him to say something to me. I didn't wait long.
“Can I ask you something, Natalie?”
“Of course,” I answered, although I was a little fearful of what he was about to say.
“Did I do something wrong last night?”