“You’re such an amateur.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t say you’re an expert in the category, either. How well did things go with Annie?”
I waved my hand. “She ended up being a little more unbalanced than I first thought. We all have a lapse in judgment from time to time. Listen, Jay, if you like her that much, just ask her out. What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid of making a fool of myself! I’m afraid of her saying no. I don’t want to overwhelm her.”
I thought of saying that there was no way Jonathan was going to be overwhelming anyone, but I kept my mouth shut.
“Maybe you could sort of . . . I don’t know . . . get an idea from her whether or not she’d be interested.” He wouldn’t look at me as he said this.
“Really?” I said. “What is this—middle school? Do you want me to write her a note and pass it to her across the aisle? Circle ‘yes’ if you like Jonathan. Circle ‘no’ if you don’t.” I laughed.
He looked at me in agony. “This isn’t funny! It’s not a joke. And was I laughing at you when all that shit went down with Annie? When she tried to throw that stapler at you? I had your back.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I’m not really laughing at you, though. I’m laughing with you.”
“But I’m not laughing.”
“Well, if you were in my shoes, you might be. Sure, I’ll help you out, Jay. I’ll suss out the situation for ya, I’ll report back. Sound good?”
The look of relief on his face was clear as day. “You’ll do that for me?”
“Sure. We can call it . . . Operation Daisy Dukes, how ‘bout that?”
“That’s sounds totally sexist. How about we don’t call it anything? Because then it’s making it sound like a much bigger deal than it actually is.”
“If anyone is making this a big deal, it’s you.”
He took a deep breath. “I know, I know, you’re right. I don’t want to turn this into something . . . something that it’s not.”
“Right,” I said. “Well, I’ll get right to it.”
“Getting right to it” in this case meant leaving my office door open and going out into the main office to mingle far more than I would under other circumstances. With the door open, I could look out and see Daisy’s profile as she sat at her desk, and it seemed that every so often, I’d catch her watching me, though she’d always immediately look away when I looked up.
Around lunch time, she got up and disappeared, then came back with a lunch box, a soft fabric one, like a little kid would have. It was light blue with pink and purple flowers on it.
“I think we’re going to order some Thai food,” I said as she started to unwrap what looked to be a sandwich. “You want in on that?”
“Oh, no, that’s okay. I’ve got my lunch right here.”
“You don’t have to eat at your desk, you know. You can leave, or go in the break room.” Or go sit in Jonathan’s office. I didn’t say this last one out loud.
“I’m fine right here,” she said. “This way, I can do a little work, too.”
“Just don’t get peanut butter on the paperwork.”
She smiled but didn’t say anything.
I pretended that I was doing some work on the computer, but really, I watched her as she (neatly) ate her sandwich, followed by a baggie of carrots, a few pretzels, and finally, an apple. She caught me looking as she bit into the apple.
“I always save the apple for last,” she said. “It’s like nature’s equivalent of a toothbrush.”
Holy fuck she and Jonathan were meant to be. “Good to know,” I said. “Does Jonathan know that? About the apple?”