We had to do that again. I'd probably have a hell of a better time now that I was s
ober doing it. Her, too, since she wouldn't have to worry about whether I was feeling sick.
I wasn't dumb enough to think that I was on top of the world now that I was clean. The actual using was gone, but the desire to do it wasn’t. It was still there, but I was stronger than it, finally. Something had finally become a bigger priority for me than using and that meant I wasn't a slave to my addiction anymore.
Maybe my optimism would taper off eventually, but I was still feeling really good about things. Even better now that Abby and I had made up. I got dressed and left her house, heading up to the resort and back to my suite. I took a shower and had breakfast before calling a private car company Keno told me about.
I barely even had to think about where to go now. I found myself drawn to the Garden of the Gods more and more. It was just a place I felt like my problems couldn't touch me. The first time I went there with Abby was the first time I remember feeling truly unburdened and I felt it every time I went after.
The trip there could be a little easier, but it was always worth it. It was the middle of summer and had gotten a little hotter than it had been when I had gotten to the island. I hadn't gotten any new clothes, but I cared a lot less about people seeing my scars now. I didn't really care what anyone thought. It didn't matter.
There weren't a lot of people around when I got there, which was a good thing. I liked walking the perimeter so I could see that weird contrast between the beach, plants, and trees and the bare red soil of the rock garden. It didn't make sense, how it was so bare, just there in the middle of a regular landscape, but there it was.
I never did shit like this when I was back in LA, even though the option was totally there – hiking and taking walks. Going out in nature to be alone. Nope, that was something I'd picked up when I'd come to Lanai. Huh. That was odd.
It was like here in Lanai, I got out a lot more, I was less stressed, and I was taking better care of myself. Weird. It was like I was miserable in LA and hadn't realized it till I had gotten here. If there was a competition between the two, LA was losing, big time.
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Great. Who was I going to ignore now? I pulled it out waiting to see Kirsten's name since she was on a roll calling me at exactly the right time to ruin everything. It wasn't though. It was my father. I put the phone to my ear, happy that he had called.
"Dad?"
"Hi, Nate, you're up," he said, a little surprised. "I thought I'd have to try again later." I laughed. My days had started after noon for a long time.
"Yeah. I figured I was losing too much daylight getting up at noon all the time."
"That's great. You sound like you're having a good time."
"Great time actually. You actually caught me thinking about how much I don't want to come back to LA."
"Gotta come back to work some time," he said.
"Yeah," I said shrugging, wondering what work even really was anymore. "How are you?"
"Busy."
"Maybe you should take a break," I told him. He laughed.
"Maybe I should come there. Sounds like it’s doing you good."
"It is. I actually stopped using about a month ago. I feel great."
"That's great news, son," he said.
"Yeah. Maybe before I have to come back, I'll have all the band shit figured out."
"Just take it easy the rest of the time you're there," he said. "You'll figure it out."
"Thanks, Dad," I said. We talked a little longer before I let him go to get back to his work.
He was the one person on the mainland I actually wanted to see again once I had to leave Lanai. Poor guy. He should have gotten a son who liked wearing suits and working in offices. He was a champ, though. I would have probably self-destructed a long time ago if I didn't have him.
That brought the number to two: my dad and Abby. Everyone else could die in a fire; I didn't give a fuck. They probably knew the most about me after myself. Abby had nursed me through my withdrawal for fuck's sake; she'd seen everything.
I thought about her at work. Was she busy tonight? I didn't know. I didn't know a lot of things. I had just been to her house for the first time yesterday.
I knew she had a scar on her neck, was a kind and beautiful person, and what her kisses tasted like, but....that was about it. I didn't even know her middle name. Where was she born? Did she like peanut butter crunchy or smooth? I wanted to know. How had we known each other this long and I had never thought to ask her any of that shit? That definitely had to change.
Chapter Twenty-Eight